


My Library is an Archive of Longings

by Lapal



Category: Holby City
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-19
Updated: 2017-12-27
Packaged: 2018-12-31 14:16:22
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 14
Words: 77,800
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12134259
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lapal/pseuds/Lapal
Summary: Bernie Wolfe is a librarian and Serena Campbell is a consultant surgeon and co-leader of AAU at Holby City Hospital.Deciding to find out a little more about her family Serena comes into contact with Bernie Wolfe, who is definitely not her idea of a traditional librarian.





	1. The Library

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My Library is an Archive of Longings

 

 

 

 

Chapter one : The library

 

 

 

Serena Campbell was bored.

Bored, bored, and yes, bored!

It had been a long time since she had felt this way, and it came as something of a shock when she realised that apart from her work as a Consultant surgeon at Holby City Hospital, she had very little else going on in her life. Yes, she had friends and colleagues at work, but the extent of socialising with them usually took the form of spending an evening at Albies drinking far too much red wine. She nearly always had a good time, but it often ended the same way, with her getting into a taxi headed home alone and invariably slightly the worse for wear.

A few short months ago, it had seemed that there weren't enough hours in the day, when she was juggling full time employment as head of AAU, being the deputy CEO and trying to care for her mother, whose increasing level of dementia had caused a huge amount of stress. Finally she had admitted to Henrik Hanssen the CEO of the hospital that she wasn't coping and asked him if she could reduce her working hours and relinquish the management position for a while as currently she felt that patient care was being compromised as well as her own health.

Hanssen was very supportive, and after speaking with the board he offered her a temporary solution, whereby she could reduce her working week to two and a half days for a maximum of twelve months.

“However,” Hanssen had warned, “I cannot guarantee to reinstate the hours before the agreed period is at an end, or extend it any further than the year without an agreement from the board, You do understand that?”

 

Serena had agreed without hesitation, so anxious was she to afford her mother the best possible care, without having to send her into a care home, however good it may be. It had therefore come as a huge shock when her mother Adrienne, died only 3 months later. It took her a few weeks to sort through the necessary paperwork and then put the wheels in motion to sell her childhood home, and although there was still a huge amount of her mother's belongings to sort through she felt that she needed to return to work full time. She knew that work would help her to put the last sad months behind her and she needed something to occupy her mind and body during the day, so that she could feel that she stood a chance of sleeping for more than 3 or 4 hours a night.

 

Although Hanssen had warned Serena that going back to full time employment might not be straightforward, she really was not prepared for the board to say no. It appeared that with hospital funding being cut left, right and centre, the money that they had saved from her salary had been diverted temporarily into a small research project that would be unlikely to be finished in less that 6 months.

Hanssen promised that he would look to see if savings could be made elsewhere, or if there was any chance of obtaining some outside funding to finish the project, but it currently meant that she was stuck on her part-time hours. The only thing he could offer her was the possibility of some locum work if she wanted it. In spite of the fact that she needed to fill her days she decided that for the present she could manage. Being on half pay was not ideal, but the thought of having to cover any surgical or medical post in the hospital as necessary did not appeal at this stage, and she felt it may cause even further stress.

 

Her daughter Elinor, who had helped out a lot while her mother had been ill, had now returned to her university course, and had suggested to her mother that she needed to find a hobby or a project that would get her out of the house and meeting new people. Serena had dismissed the idea at first, unable to see herself joining a gym or the local W.I., but then, while she was sorting her way slowly through her mother's papers and belongings, she came across something that she had no idea would lead her into a whole new world.

 

She had found a birthday card from her mother to her daughter, but given that the date stamp on the envelope was for 2 months before Serena was born, she knew that the card had never been intended for her. The name and address on the envelope Serena did not recognise, and this had led her to the only conclusion that somewhere out there she had a sister (or half sister) that she had never known about. The envelope had 'gone away' stamped on it and had therefore been returned to her mother, as a common practice in those days had been to write the name and address of the sender on the reverse of the envelope, especially if you were not sure that your letter would reach its recipient.

To say that Serena had been shocked was an understatement and it made her wonder if she had ever really known her mother at all. She was also very intrigued, and wondered if there was any way of finding out about this 'sister', but after searching diligently through the rest of her mother's files she found nothing else and decided that this was probably not a good idea. She had no idea if this was a child that had been born before her own father had been on the scene, or if she was the result of some affair that her mother had had whilst married. In which case her father must have known about it and what, agreed to forget the whole thing as long as the baby was given up for adoption? The questions this raised were so vast and troubling that she thought it was best to try and forget she had ever seen the card. Even if the woman in question had known she was adopted she would probably have no idea that she had a sister and might well resent any intrusion on her life. And, other than hiring some sort of private investigator, she had no idea of how to go about finding anything out.

 

Then, just a week later, whilst at work, she heard Lou, one of the nurses on AAU talking about a Family History session she had been to at the local library, and how, by searching through some on-line census's she had made contact with an uncle who had lost touch with the rest of the family after his mother had moved to Cornwall over fifty years ago.

 

Serena went home and thought about it for most of the evening and then made the decision to go along to the library the following morning and see if there was anyone there who could help her. She told herself that she wasn't going to pursue it any further if she did find anything, she simply wanted to fill in a few blanks that her discovery had opened up in her mind.

 

The next day found her scrabbling through her bureau for her library card that she didn't think she had used since her divorce from Edward nearly 16 years earlier, when she had returned to full time work. She found no time for leisure reading, juggling being a single parent with long and varied hours which meant most nights she collapsed into bed and was practically asleep before her head hit the pillow, or any precious hours during the day were spent with her daughter.

After spending 15 minutes pulling every drawer out and strewing the contents across the dining room table she gave up, logic telling her that she would probably have to re-join anyway, and that she might not need it just to attend the genealogy sessions.

 

'Well, at least it looks pretty much the same from the outside' she thought to herself as she walked towards the main doors, a slight feeling of trepidation in the pit of her stomach which was not due to simply going to the library but to the knowledge that this step could potentially change her whole perception of what her family had been or would be from now on.

However, once through the automatic doors, that she was pretty sure weren't there on her last visit, she found the inside was completely changed.

 

Gone were the floor to ceiling dark brown static shelving that had made the interior quite dark despite the large church type windows, and in their place were much lower steel bookcases that were individual units with castors on them , presumably so they could be moved around according to what the space was to be used for. Then the whole of one wall had a long work bench against it, on which 12 public computers sat, all in use. The huge central desk where books had been issued and discharged had also gone, and in its place were two self service machines (at least that's what Serena presumed they were). Over in the corner was a much smaller lower desk where a young man was sitting talking to member of the public who obviously had an query.

 

The other walls were covered in all sorts of posters advertising local events that were being held, and some delightful children's art work, as well as displays of book jackets to entice people to try something new to read.

Serena was scanning these posters to see if she could spot any information about the Family History sessions when a soft voice spoke close to her left ear.

 

“Hi, you look a little lost, is there anything I can do do help?”

 

Serena jumped, quite startled, not having heard anyone approaching her.

 

“Dear lord, could you not wear louder shoes please?” said Serena, trying to calm herself down.

 

The woman (for it was a woman) laughed, a surprisingly loud sound given how quietly she had spoken.

 

“I'm sorry, but we do have to try and maintain the stereotypical image of a librarian you know,” she said teasingly and put her finger to her lips and went “Shush!” and then laughed again.

Serena couldn't help but chuckle as well. When she stopped to look at the woman, she thought you couldn't get much further from a stereotypical librarian if you tried. Not a cardigan in sight, but a rather fetching, plaid grandad style shirt, open at the collar, (very) skinny black jeans, a mop of unruly (uncombed?) blonde hair, rather than the tight little bun most people imagined. The only concession to anything remotely resembling a librarian were the pair of glasses perched on top of her head.

 

“I was just a little taken aback by all the changes that have been wrought in here since I last paid a visit,” said Serena. “I expect I had a pretty blank look on my face, I was feeling a little bewildered by it all.”

 

“So, how long is it since you set foot in here?” asked the woman. “I've only been her 12 months myself, but I have tried to make it a bit more welcoming than the average Victorian library that we remember so well.”

 

“Oh, at least 15 years” said Serena, blushing slightly at that admission, “until recently my life has been a little full of other....things. I'm actually interested in your Family History group if you still run them?”

 

“We certainly do, every Monday evening from 6.30 until 7.30pm. There's sometimes a waiting list but there may be vacancies, so if you feel you'd like to join us just come over to the desk and I'll get you a form to fill in.”

 

Serena followed her over and sat down in front of the desk, while the woman went around to the other side to sit down, and began opening drawers to find what she needed.

 

“I'm guessing that if it's been that long since you were in the library, you probably don't have or can't find your library card?”

 

Serena shook her head. “'Fraid not.”

 

“Right. So let's check on the computer, what's your full name?”

 

“Serena Campbell”

 

“Any middle name?”

 

Serena smiled and said “Wendy”

 

The librarian grinned, “A lot better than mine, you have to wonder at parents who call their daughter, Berenice Griselda Wolfe!”

 

Serena couldn't stop the snort of laughter that escaped her lips.

“I'm really sorry, I have no right to laugh, but...”

 

“Don't apologise it's nothing I haven't thought myself I'm sure. And you know, I'm all grown up now, I can see the funny side, teenage years were a little more challenging though. Anyway, I answer mainly to Bernie if you're interested.”

 

Serena wasn't quite sure what she meant by that, but it was nice to be able to stop thinking of her as the librarian. Bernie typed Serena's details into the computer and gave a low whistle.

“Wow, that has surprised me, you still have a borrower record. Let me just go into it and check the rest of the details. Oh..”

 

“What's wrong?” queried Serena.

 

“Nothing to worry about, it's just showing that there is a book overdue but don't w.....”

“That's not possible,” interrupted Serena firmly, “I told you I haven't used my ticket in years.”

“No I realise that” said Bernie softly, trying to calm her down. “This was apparently due back in Sept 2000” and she was just about to explain that they they would simply delete the book from the stock catalogue so that her account was cleared, when Serena launched her attack.

 

“I'm sorry but I resent the fact that you think that I would keep a book and not return it!” she said snappily. “The last time I came to the library was when my daughter was about 3 and she is now 20!”

Her voice was getting louder and more venomous in tone, and she nearly asked if they knew who they were talking to, but even in her emotional state Serena knew that sounded precocious.

 

”I will not be accused of keeping a book that didn't belong to me, of....of stealing. How dare you think I would do that! Is that how you try to encourage people back into libraries by implying that they are thieves!”

 

Bernie waited for Serena to draw breath before she spoke.

 

“I'm sorry if I've upset you, that was never my intention. I was going to say that it wasn't a problem, that I would remove the book from your ticket without any fuss.”

 

“But that's not the point is it? Whatever you say about writing it off or something, the fact remains that you think I kept a book that didn't belong to me and I know I didn't.” Her voice could now be heard by most people on the computers and Serena was almost crying, and she didn't really know why.

 

“Of course I don't think that,” said Bernie, “this happens more often than you'd imagine. The most common reason is that someone else in the household had borrowed the ticket without asking and then forgotten all about it, or people move house, and sometimes, very, very rarely it's our fault.” Bernie was trying to make light of it and seeing that Serena still looked upset, reached across to lightly touch her fingers that were drumming on the desk.

Serena instinctively pulled her hand away, and then realising what Bernie had said, an awful thought came into her head.

 

“Could you tell me what the book was please?”

 

“Of course, it's...ah,” Bernie looked slightly awkward. “It's called 'On Line Dating for Dummies'”

 

“Ha!” Serena gave a short sharp laugh and looked at Bernie. She pursed her lips together and took a breath.

 

“I'm so sorry. I....I think that my delightful ex husband may have borrowed that at some point, hopefully after I had filed for divorce. That's certainly how he came to meet his new wife.” Serena blushed slightly.

“I can't believe that all these years later he still has the capacity to cause me embarrassment. Although most of the embarrassment I'm feeling at the moment is entirely down to me, and the way I've acted.”

 

Bernie tried to look Serena in the eye, but she kept her head down and eyes averted.

“It's okay, honestly. It was a genuine mistake and trust me, I've heard far worse than that......shall we just start again?”

 

Serena took another deep breath and this time managed to make eye contact for a second.

“Firstly, please let me know the cost of the book, as I fully intend to pay for it.

But secondly, and more importantly it's not alright to have raised my voice like that. I am mortified. If someone spoke to my staff like that I would be frog marching them to the door. Please believe me when I tell you that I don't normally create a scene, or speak to people like that especially those that are just trying to do their job.”

 

Serena hesitated for a second before forcing herself to look at Bernie again, and was relieved to see a look of understanding and no sign of the recrimination she felt she deserved.

 

Bernie once again put her hand out to lightly touch Serena's, and this time she didn't pull away.

'Look, we all sometimes act spontaneously in a way that we later regret. Let's put it behind us, and if you do want to make it up to me then just agree to come along to the Family History group next Monday, I've just checked and there is one space available at the moment. And if you're really, really wanting to absolve yourself then you could come to a Readers Circle that I'm running this afternoon. I think you'd make a great addition to the group, I could do with someone who's not too shy about saying what they think.”

 

Bernie gave Serena a quizzical look, her head tipped slightly to one side.

 

Serena was slightly taken aback. She cleared her throat while she tried to work out how to respond.

“Ahem...I haven't read a fiction book in years, I don't know how I could have anything to contribute..”

 

“That doesn't matter at all, it's a new group and we haven't started choosing a book that we all read together. For the first couple of sessions I suggested that we all talk about a book that has stayed in our memories....for whatever reason. It could even be a children's book. Do you feel that's something you could manage?”

 

Part of Serena wanted desperately to be able to come up with a valid reason why she couldn't go to the reading group, but to be honest a small part of her wanted to say yes. And there was a certain something about Ms Wolfe that intrigued her. Her voice for one, and a gentle friendliness that was so different to the women she met at work, most of whom were battling to be heard in a predominantly male environment and rarely showed a soft side. And, she had to admit, she had behaved appallingly, so maybe...

 

“Hmm, yes, yes okay” Bernie grinned, “but this is just a one off, do you understand?” Serena was already regretting saying yes, but wouldn't go back on her word, and she supposed anything was better than feeling bored.

 

Bernie stood up, “I perfectly understand,” she said, “I'm very grateful that you'll at least give it a try. See you at 2.30pm then, oh, and there is tea or coffee and biscuits at no extra charge.” She put her hand out for Serena to shake.

 

Serena smiled and grasped Bernie's hand as she stood up. They stayed, locked in that position for a few more seconds than was necessary before Bernie spotted someone else that looked in need of some help and walked over to offer assistance. Serena was still standing watching Bernie when another assistant approached her.

 

“Do you require anything further?” he asked.

 

“Oh. No, no I'm fine thank you....Well, there is one thing, could you just make sure that Ms Wolfe has my name down for the Family History Group next week? Thanks.”

 

“Yes, of course, although I'm not sure there are any spaces at the moment, I'll just check for you.”

 

Serena smiled, “It's fine, she's already told me that there's at least one space, so if you could just remind her, I'd be grateful.”

 

And Serena walked out of the library, now in a hurry to get home and reacquaint herself with the book she thought she would bring to the meeting that afternoon, even supposing that she could find it!

 

Just after she left Bernie went over to the counter to the assistant that Serena had spoken to.

 

“Everything alright Steve? Ms Campbell has been persuaded to come to the Readers Circle this afternoon.” and she grinned at him as he rolled his eyes.

 

“How many is that, that you've charmed into coming along, or do you have some blackmail racket going on?”

 

Bernie laughed, “I don't know what you're insinuating Mr Hale, I simply try to promote the love of reading to everyone.”

 

“There was one thing she said that puzzled me, she implied that you had promised to save her a place on the Family History session this coming Monday, and I know for a fact that we don't have any vacancies.”

 

Bernie pulled a face. “Hm, I know but I felt it could be a bit of a deal breaker in getting her to come this afternoon. I'll tackle that problem on Monday, it's quite possible that one of our regulars won't turn up, and if they do I'll let her sit here, with me helping.

I'm well aware that our dear Dorothy doesn't like extras in her class.”

 

Steve shrugged. “It's your funeral if Dorothy gets wind of it before Monday!”

Bernie grimaced.

“Don't I know it, so make sure you keep it close to your chest me lad!” And tapping the side of her nose she went upstairs to have her lunch.

 

 


	2. Readers Circle

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Serena attends her first reading group. She's quite the hit with more than one person.
> 
>  
> 
> If anyone is interested in either of the books mentioned, I will leave more information in the notes at the end of the chapter.

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Chapter 2

 

Readers Circle

 

 

Serena spent at least an hour going back and forth along her bookshelves trying to make a decision about which book to take with her. She didn't have any real idea of the demographic of the group, but she reasoned that as they meet during the day, it will most likely comprise of predominately retired people, and if she were to hazard a guess, probably at least 80% female. Bearing this in mind she rules out any of her 'racier' titles, and decides to focus instead on those books that she has happily re-read at least twice, and finds that she comes up with 3 possibilities. She finally chooses one that she read for the first time, many years ago while still at med school, and which, although sad, she has always been happy to go back to, to re-kindle the emotions that she first felt as a student.

After a very hasty lunch she arrived back at the library at 2.20pm and was directed to a smallish room off the main reception area where 9 others were already seated awaiting the start of the session. As she smiled and nodded to different people in turn she saw she had been fairly correct in anticipating the age and sex of most of the group, she is pleased to see at least one young mom, complete with baby discreetly feeding at the her breast, and three members of the opposite sex. And, even more surprisingly, one of them looks to be around her age. She glanced very casually in his direction and thought that he was in fact quite attractive in a rugged sort of way. She had barely set foot inside the door when he moved swiftly across the room to introduce himself.

 

“Hello, pleased to meet you. My name is Robbie, Robbie Metcalfe, and you are...?”

 

“Serena Campbell, hello,” and she smiled and held her hand out, which he grasped eagerly, all the time grinning like a Cheshire cat.

 

“Well, I can't deny that seeing you here is a very pleasant surprise,” he said. He leaned in a little closer to whisper in her ear

“I rather thought I might be surrounded by old biddies, all eager to make my acquaintance.”

“So what prompted you to attend then?” asked Serena, raising one eyebrow.

“Well, have you tried saying no to that lady over there?” and he nodded his head in the direction of Bernie who was standing by some stairs in the main part of the library.

“I reckon she could charm the birds out of the trees, that one. And pretty easy on the eye too, “ he added.

 

Serena was a little uncomfortable with his attitude.

“I'll have to take your word on that,” she said coldly, but if she was honest, she knew exactly what he meant, Bernie was indeed very striking.

She mentally shook herself free of such musings as she took a seat just in front of Robbie and to be polite she turned in her seat to ask him a question.

“So, what line of work are you in that allows you to take time off on a Friday afternoon? Something with changing shift patterns I presume?

If in fact you are _in_ work of course.”

Robbie inclined his head towards Serena.

“Good thought processes there, maybe I should enlist you onto my team.

I'm a Detective Sergeant in the police force, at your service.” He looked at Serena and smiled, “So, based on your correct assumption I deduct that a similar work pattern applies to you, so what is it _you_ do?”

I”m a consultant surgeon, currently on reduced hours because of family matters. Although that could change at any time, so this could be the only meeting of the Readers Circle that I get to attend.”

 

“Oh don't say that, apart from Ms Wolfe you're the only female here under the age of sixty!  Well, apart from,..” and he gestured towards to young mom.

“And I somehow don't think she'd be interested in me......or I in her” he quickly added noticing Serena's slightly disapproving look.

 

“So, is that the only reason you've been persuaded to join this little group then? In pursuit of your ideal woman?"

Serena's voice had a definite edge to it, “Because if so I think you're going to be sadly disappointed, there must be other ways to meet women that would afford you a greater chance of success. On-line dating for one!”

And an image of her ex, Edward, and his new embryo wife, Liberty came into her mind, making her feel particularly peeved.

 

Serena wasn't quite as annoyed with Robbie as her tone would indicate, but she was finding him rather irritating, especially as he seemed intent on considering both her and Bernie as potential dates, only interested in which one of them would succumb to his charms first.

Just a little too cocky for her liking.

Robbie was just about to speak again when Bernie strode into the room and closed the door.

“Well, hello to you all,” she said with a big smile on her face. “I'm very pleased with the turn-out today and I'm particularly pleased to see that some last minute recruits didn't find it too much of a rush to get here.”

At which point she looked directly at Serena and gave her the slightest hint of a wink.

 

Serena felt her face grow hot and she tried to look anywhere rather than at Bernie, hoping no-one else had seen it.

Robbie had spotted it however, and he leant forward to whisper in her ear.

“Teacher's pet are we? I think I'm going to have to up my game.”

 

Serena turned round sharply ready to tell him to shut up or move, but when she saw he was looking at her with a very soft smile on his face, she was completely wrong-footed and simply gave him a brief smile back.

 

After going around the group asking them to simply say their name, Bernie kicked off the session with the book she had chosen to talk about. It was the children's classic, “Swallows and Amazons'. She described how, when she was 11 years old she had gone to the Lake District with her school for a 4 day adventure holiday, and had enjoyed learning to sail on one of the lakes, and walking through the woods learning bits and pieces about survival and natural history in general. She had been, she said, a very sporty, active child, and although she could read quite well, she never really spent any of her leisure time reading. The idea of reading for pleasure was totally alien to her.

“And then,” she continued, “one of my teachers handed me a copy of this book, and told me to give it a try. Well, because it was something I had recently experienced I agreed, and I have to say it changed my life. Yes, I connected with it because I had recently felt what it was like to be in a smallish boat on a large lake, but it was also because ...it wasn't patronising towards children... and the children in the book were using their imagination just as much as I did when playing in my local park. It was the book that set me..... on the path to reading, so I could experience....worlds I could never be part of. It's the book that led me here. There may have been other books that would have had the same effect, eventually, but I've always had a very soft spot for it."

Serena had listened transfixed while Bernie was speaking. Her voice was so soft yet precise, and her body language, the way she stood and moved seemed to Serena to show someone in control of herself. Although she did have a tendency to wave her hands around when searching for a particular word, or trying to express an emotion. They were very expressive hands and very elegant she thought.

As the next person started to talk about their choice, Robbie leaned in to Serena and whispered.

“She's quite captivating isn't she? Very hard to take your eyes off her when she's talking.”

Serena glanced at him and nodded briefly, wondering why she found his appreciation of Ms Wolfe quite so irritating.

 

In spite of the fact that everyone appeared to have brought a book with them, not all of them seemed to say much more that the title of their book, and that it made them laugh or cry or scared them to death. Bernie did not want to push anyone at this stage as she knew some would leave and never return if they felt too uncomfortable. But she started to cast her eye about to see if she could persuade one more person to be a little more forthcoming over their choice, and she finally settled on Serena.

Inwardly Serena cringed and was pleading silently for her to pass onto someone else, but Bernie merely gave an impish grin, and said almost gleefully,

“Ms Campbell, I see you have a very interesting book on your lap, and I may be wrong but I don't think many of the people here will have read much, if any Science Fiction. Would you care to broaden our horizons and tell us why you chose that particular book?”

 

Serena tried to glare at her, but found that very difficult to do , so she gave her a wry smile before proceeding.

 

“Right, well, to start with although I don't read a lot of science fiction now, I was an avid fan in my teenage years, mainly I think to start with, because my father loved it and it was a way of connecting with him I suppose. I continued to read it for a while, simply because I enjoyed the challenge of imagining different worlds and seeing how the authors imagined where our scientific advancements would take us.

This is a short story that I first read when at medical school. I tended to read a lot of short stories as it meant I didn't lose the thread of a longer novel if course-work intervened. This story is called 'Flowers for Algernon' and it moved me profoundly when I was young, and still moves me whenever I re-read it, which is more often than you might think.

I don't want to give the whole plot away but it's written in a diary or journal form by a character called Charlie who is a developmentally challenged young man. He nevertheless has a desire to understand the world he inhabits and agrees to undergo some experimental brain surgery in a hope of improving his intelligence. The operation is successful and his level of intelligence increases each day until it surpasses that of the doctors who had planned and performed the surgery. Throughout the story he is comparing his progress with that of a mouse, that is called Algernon, who underwent the same surgical procedure. But when Algernon starts to deteriorate, he begins to wonder if that will also eventually happen to him.

The range of emotions I experienced when reading this short story is unlike anything I've ever known, before or since. It's a tale of hope, perseverance, truth and humanity, although I would warn you that there are some upsetting scenes.”

As Serena finished speaking, she glanced at Bernie and was amazed at the rapt look on her face. There was a few seconds pause before she seemed to shake herself and got to her feet.

“Well, thank you. I think I can say without a shadow of doubt that I will be sure to read that very soon. I think we may have to get you writing some reviews for us.”

 

Bernie then invited everyone to have another tea or coffee before the meeting was due to end in about 10 minutes. She had a quick word with one of the staff before making a bee-line for Serena.

As people started to get out of their seats, Serena felt a hand on her shoulder and turned to see Robbie grinning at her.

“Would you like a drink? I'd be happy to collect one for you.”

Serena forced herself to relax, and nodded.

“A coffee would be nice, thank you. Nice and strong with just a dash of milk, no sugar.”

 

Bernie arrived by her side just as she finished speaking.

“That was fantastic,” she said. “I knew you'd be an asset to this group, but I didn't realise _how_ good an asset. From your references to med school I take it that you're a doctor?”

“A consultant surgeon at Holby City, for my sins." And Serena smiled warmly at Bernie, enjoying her company.

“Well you're obviously very used to speaking in front of a group of people, but it was heart-warming to feel the emotion that the story evoked in you.

I'm thinking of asking you all to bring your favourite crime novel to the next session, so I'm hoping you have a book to talk about that fits that genre.”

 

Serena felt quite elated that Bernie had appreciated her efforts but felt she needed to remind her of one very important fact.

“Ahem, if you remember Ms Wolfe, I only promised to attend today's meeting. I'm really not sure that this....is really for me.”

“Oh,...I'm sorry to hear that, and I believe I'm not the only one who would like to see you back here again?”, and Bernie nodded towards the queue for coffee where Robbie kept losing his place as he was staring at them both with a foolish grin on his face.

Serena shrugged, “I think he's looking at you as much as at me.”

 

“Rubbish” said Bernie, “and even if that were true, I'd still want you back here in two weeks time for our next meeting. That's not too hard a task is it? Just a couple of hours every 14 days?”

Serena sighed and then rolled her eyes.

“I will provisionally agree but...but if my work pattern changes it may not be possible. I'll let you know closer to the date, and that's the best I can offer.”

 

“I'll take that,” said Bernie, patting her arm. “Now 'stand by your beds', your knight in shining armour doth approach.”

Serena tried to glare at Bernie, but couldn't help but smile when she saw the smirk on her face.

She turned just in time to see Robbie approaching, his arm stretched out to hand over her coffee, and then moved to stand by her side.

Bernie, in the meantime, had moved on to chat to someone else, aware that as a host she needed to make everyone feel welcome, not just Serena.

“Thank you,” she said to Robbie, and he bowed his head to her.

“Your summation of that story was riveting,” he said, “and your voice was every bit as easy to listen to as Ms Wolfe's, but your voice was much smoother, quite velvety.”

Serena blushed slightly.

“Oh, thank you... again. In my job I do have to address meetings quite often, so I suppose I've developed a way of speaking in public that doesn't put too much strain on my voice.”

 

Just then Bernie asked them all to take a seat again and briefly explained that she had taken notes of all the books that had been brought today, and that if anyone wanted to try one of them she had left a list at the enquiry desk, and the staff would be happy to order anyone a copy if they would like to order from other libraries.

She thanked everyone for coming along and told them the theme for the next meeting was crime novels. She had organised a small display of detective fiction if anyone wanted to try something new, or once again they could bring a title from home.

Robbie chuckled, "Does it have to be fiction I wonder, I could turn a few stomachs with some of the true crime I've studied in my career."

As the other group members dispersed, Serena stood up ready to leave. Robbie stood at the same time and followed her out of the door.

“I don't suppose you'd like to come for a drink tomorrow evening, would you? Obviously I don't know if you're working, but I'm hoping not.”

 

Serena, smiled but shook her head.

“It's kind of you to ask, but I'm not really great company at the moment, I have a lot of things on my mind.....why don't you try your luck with Ms Wolfe?”

 

“Well, if I'm honest it's mainly because I'd rather spend some time with you.” And he smiled ruefully. “I'm a nice guy Serena, really I am. I know I come over a bit cocky at times, but that's partly due to nerves and partly due to the mainly male environment I work in. It becomes all about one-upmanship.” He looked directly into her eyes. “Please?”

 

Serena drew a steadying breath. She supposed it was quite flattering to be pursued by someone you had only just met, and a fairly handsome man to boot. And this was exactly what Elinor and her work colleagues had been encouraging her to do, put herself back 'out there'.

She flickered her eyes upwards and inclined her head towards him.

“Alright, just a couple of drinks then.”

Robbie asked for her phone and he put his number into it.

“I'll let you pick what time and where, so Just text me when you've decided those two things, along with your address, and I'll come and pick you up.”

 

“No, I will text you time and place, but I'll meet you _there_ ,” she said quite firmly.

“Wise woman, okay, it's a date. I'll be looking forward to it.” And Robbie gave her another one of his cheeky grins before leaving the library.

Serena walked over to Bernie. “If you were genuine in your comment about wanting to read the short story, then I'm happy for you to borrow this copy.” And she held the book out to her, which Bernie took immediately.

“Thank you” she said warmly, “I promise not to keep it too long...”

Serena flashed her an angry look, and Bernie put her hands up in mock defence, “I'm sorry....it was a joke – honestly!”

Serena sighed, "Sorry, still a bit over-sensitive," and she turned towards the door, but Bernie caught hold of her arm.

“So Robbie the bobby looked quite pleased with himself as he left, wore you down did he? What is it, a drink, maybe a meal or a tour of the local nick?”

The minute she said it she regretted it, as she saw the hurt look in Serena's eyes. She tried desperately to make up for being so crass.

“Sorry, I'm only jealous, I thought I was going to get the full on treatment today, until you showed up. A man with impeccable taste obviously.”

Serena relaxed slightly and gave her a small smile as she prepared to leave. “So, I'll see you Monday evening then?” she asked Bernie.

“Of course, I'll look forward to it, don't forget to bring as much information as you can, birth certificates etc., so that we have some sort of starting point.”

Serena nodded, and then walked out of the doors.

 

“So, how did the session go in the end?” asked Steve, after he and Bernie had tidied up the meeting room.

“Pretty good thanks. Sere.....Ms Campbell will be very good for the group if I can manage to persuade her to stay, and hopefully, as the others get to know each other, they will feel more confident to speak out about what they've read.”

 

“Ms Campbell sounds like she could be useful on the Friends of the library committee too, or is it too soon to ask? Although she's quickly picked up  a couple of admirers already, hasn't she?” teased Steve.

“What do you mean 'a couple'? As far as I'm aware it was only Robbie that was fawning over her. Who else do you mean?” asked Bernie heatedly, thinking she'd missed something.

 

Steve said nothing, but looked very pointedly at Bernie, and she felt her face grow warm.

“Behave,” she said jokingly trying to laugh at the insinuation. But inside she couldn't deny it, there was definitely something there that appealed. Well, more than something if she was being honest, there was her eyes, her mouth, her.....figure.

Oh lord she thought as she climbed the stairs to the office, I just would like to get to know her a bit better, that's all, get to have a friend! That's not too much to ask,......is it?

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for the great reception the first chapter received. Much appreciated.
> 
> If I mention any books during the chapters of this fic I will leave more details in the end notes in case anyone would like to pop to their local library and borrow one.  
> If anyone does, or already knows the titles I would love to hear what you think.
> 
> Swallows and Amazons by Arthur Ransome. A children's book but a great read whatever age you are. I first read it aged 24 and then went on to read the rest of the series and loved them all. Very evocative of a time and a lifestyle that has long since passed
> 
> Flowers for Algernon by Daniel Keyes. Don't be put off by the SF label, it has very little to do with science but a lot to do with human relationships in my opinion. As a short story it appeared in a collection published by Faber and Faber in 1964 called Best SF 4. It was later made into a short novel, and there are quite a few different editions still available.


	3. First Date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just what it says in the title really, Serena's first date with Robbie.

Serena looked at the array of clothes she had laid out on her bed and sighed. It wasn't as if she didn't have enough of a choice, in fact that was probably the problem, she had too much choice.

She'd not long got home after a busy shift on AAU, and so far all that she'd managed to do was have a very quick shower and wash her hair and then stare at virtually every item of clothing in her wardrobe. If she was totally honest the only thing she really wanted to put on were her very old pair of sweat pants, and an oversized t-shirt she often wore around the house. Then follow that with a phone call to the local Indian takeaway and 2 or 3 glasses of the old vino and she would be very content.

Yet here she was, in her underwear, stressing about what to wear for her meeting with Robbie in......oh my god.......less than an hours time?!

“Come on Campbell,” she said out loud, trying to decide whether to dress down and let him know that she just wanted to be friends, or to dress so that he thinks that maybe an invite back for coffee might be on the cards.

“No, no, no, definitely not going there tonight!” Serena laughed. Good god, this is why I need a gal pal, she thought, someone whom she could rely on to be honest with her and help her decide what to wear and how to behave on a date for the first time for....ages. The main problem was that Robbie had referred to it as a date but Serena wasn't sure if she viewed it in the same way.

She screwed her eyes up in frustration, I feel like I'm going insane she thought.

She looked at the clothes once more and made herself focus. Right, trousers not a skirt, she didn't want to look as if she'd thought about going a somewhere that required her to be a little more dressy and then changed her mind. She wanted to keep it very low key, so, what sort of top to wear? It felt it was too warm for a plain sweater, and she was well aware that one of her best features was her cleavage, so maybe a blouse with a couple of buttons undone, just to give a glimpse?

Trouble is it becomes all to easy for further buttons to come undone, if they should get into any type of clinch.

Serena knew she was over-thinking this whole scenario, so she settled on a navy blouse that pulled over her head with 3 or 4 buttons at the front, which meant nothing more than that could be undone. She left a couple open that gave just the merest hint of her assets, and then hastily sat down to finish applying her make-up. She was so out of practice at this dating game, wanting to be attractive and a little sexy, without making him think the next stop would be the bedroom.

I certainly never considered that I would still be looking for a partner at 50 she bemoaned to herself. She tried to analyse why she had agreed to this, why it was so important to have someone who found her desirable, and she realised she would never stop wanting to feel that pang when someone touched you, or looked at you as if you were the most precious and cherished prize they could have.

Of course, she still did enjoy sex, but sex without anything else was no longer enough, she wanted to feel love in her life again.

Finally ready and giving herself a spritz of her favourite perfume she headed out of the door.

She'd decided on Albie's for two reasons. One was that she felt comfortable there, she knew most of the staff, and secondly, she would feel safe there, on familiar ground. Her colleagues on AAU knew she was meeting a new man tonight and she felt sure that at least a couple of them would be hanging around, hoping to catch a glimpse. She also knew that if she wasn't happy with the way things were going that any one of them would step in to give her some back-up. So, really, there was no need to feel this nervous, as first dates go it was about as easy as it could get. She'd planned to arrive about 15 minutes before the time they were due to meet so that she could have a quick chat with any work friends before Robbie arrived, so was very surprised to see him pacing to and fro just outside the main entrance as she got out of the taxi.

His face broke into a smile as soon as he saw her. “Serena, you look....wonderful,” and he took hold of her hand and pulled her towards him as he pressed a soft kiss to her cheek. She blushed slightly, and allowed him to tuck her arm into his as they walked into the bar. “Thank you,” she said, “you look pretty good yourself.” And he did, in a soft grey polo shirt, black jeans and a black jacket over his shoulder. And although he was obviously into the whole designer stubble thing, he did look well-groomed and smelt pretty good too. Maybe this will be better than I was hoping for she thought.

Nearly an hour later, and with a couple of glasses of wine inside her, Serena was enjoying herself. Robbie was being very attentive, and listened carefully when she was talking about her work and family, but he had also made her laugh when he had shared some of the more ludicrous stories about his job. A couple of her work colleagues had caught her eye a few times, and they'd nodded and smiled. Raf di Lucca, who was her registrar on AAU and also a pretty good friend, had been particularly keen to show her he approved, and had stuck his thumb up in her direction on his way to the bar. Robbie laughed as he looked up and saw what Raf was doing, and Serena turned a deep shade of red. “I'm quite flattered that you wanted to show me off to your friends. Would you like us to join them?” Robbie enquired.

Serena was embarrassed and shook her head. “I'm sorry, they'd been teasing me all day and I sort of let slip that this is where we would be. I just didn't think they'd hang around so long.” Robbie reached for her hand and squeezed it. “It's nice that they want to look out for you. Makes me feel that I'm being vetted by your family. They obviously hold you in great affection and that shows how much they respect you too.”

After few minutes later she indicated to Robbie that she needed to pop to the 'powder room', and as she stood up he reached for her hand. “You're not planning to escape through a window back there? I should warn you I have all exits covered.” he joked. She laughed. "Do I look like I'm the right shape to squeeze through a loo window?"

Robbie pulled her back slightly. "Your shape is perfect as far as I can see," he said quietly. Cue another deep flush that spread from Serena's chest up her neck to her face.

She hastily worked her hand free and she'd barely got inside the rest room when the outer door burst open and another member of staff, Morven Digby, appeared, a bit out of breath. “Sorry to barge in Ms Campbell, but I wanted to tell you that I think you two look great together. He's pretty handsome too, in my opinion.”

Serena laughed. “Well its good to know that you all approve I suppose. But it's very early days, so you can warn Nurse Fletcher not to think about running a 'book' on whether we'll still be together in 6 months or whatever time he thinks appropriate. Right at this moment I have no idea if he'll even ask me out again.”

“Will you go if he does?” squealed Morven, “because if the looks he's been giving you this evening are anything to go by, he's up for anything right now. He can't take his eyes off you!” Serena raised her eyebrows as Morven gave her a hug and left as quickly as she had come.

A couple of minutes later, just as Serena was about to return to her seat in the bar, her phone rang. She scrabbled about in her bag and brought it out looking carefully at the screen to see who was calling. It was a number she didn't recognise and her normal reaction would just have been to reject the call, but for some reason she chose to answer it.

A soft voice spoke, “Hello?....is, is that Serena?” She nearly dropped the phone in her surprise. “Yes, this is Serena.......is,..is that you Bernie? How did you know my number?”

There was nothing but silence for a few moments and Serena thought that she'd hung up, when she heard a small noise.

“Um.........yes, well..I'm sorry to have to tell you that I've....probably broken every bit of the data protection act you could think of, and I'm most certainly in breach of my work contract....but, I, er...I got it from the form you filled in this afternoon at the library..”

Bernie's voice tailed off into silence again. “Okay....well, I don't think I'll report that to anyone if that's what's worrying you. Is there any particular reason for this call? You haven't discovered another few books that I need to pay for, have you?” Serena heard Bernie give a quick snort of laughter, and then everything went silent again.

A few seconds passed with nothing being said until Serena could stand it no longer. “Bernie, what on earth is wrong? Are you alright? Unless you do really have something to say, I need to get back to my date instead of skulking in the rest room at the bar.”

Bernie gasped, “Robbie....oh.. I feel so stupid and inconsiderate now, I'd forgotten all about your date," (she hadn't), "I just wanted to ask if....”

“Yes? What was it you wanted to ask,” said Serena, somewhat tetchily.

Serena heard Bernie take a deep breath. “Yes, of course, sorry. I just wondered if after the family History session on Monday, I wondered if you'd like to join me to get a bite to eat somewhere. Nothing fancy you understand, I'm just a bit sick of eating a take-away in my flat every late night, on my own. And if you're coming straight from work I guess you'll need some sustenance too? And I just thought you know, we seem to have a similar outlook so...” Bernie was now aware she was babbling but was too panicked to stop.

What she couldn't see was Serena's face stretching into a big smile.

“Serena, don't worry....it doesn't matter if.....if you're busy.....or..or you just don't...want to.” Bernie could feel the pulse throbbing in her forehead, thinking that she'd made a huge mistake, she was sounding far too needy. Right at this moment she couldn't remember how she'd plucked up the courage to ring. “I'll just.....ah..erm, see you...”

“I'd love to!” Serena burst out, much louder than she meant to, her face aching from the grin that she wore.

“You, you would? Are you sure? I mean don't feel you have to,” Bernie could feel her heart pounding as a sense of relief washed over her.

“Oh dear lord, what did I just say? I would love to go and grab a bite to eat after you've finished work on Monday, is that clear enough for you? Really, it's been too long since I've had some female company of someone of roughly my age, and I miss that, sharing stuff you know?

And I'm not mad about you misusing your position to get my phone number, I would have been happy to give it to you if you'd asked. I'll be able to tell you all about my date with Robbie the bobby,” and Serena giggled.

At that point it dawned on her how long she'd been in the rest room. “Oh god, Bernie, I came in here nearly 10 minutes ago, he'll think I've climbed out of the window. Gotta go, see you Monday,” and Serena hung up and flung open the door into the bar.

“Right, okay....fine,” said Bernie into a dead phone, feeling quite bewildered. She was thrilled that Serena had sounded so pleased to hear from her, but equally, as depressed as hell to find out that their main topic of conversation on Monday night was probably going to be her date with Robbie. And it sounded as if Serena was enjoying herself, if her eagerness to get back to him was anything to go by. Still, like Serena she hadn't had a close female friend for some time so the prospect that Serena could be one was still a cause for celebration. Yes, if that's all it was going to be, she could live with that.

Serena hurried through the now busy bar back to Robbie, whose expression was a mixture of anxiety and what,...anger?

“There you are,” he said and the relief was evident in his voice. “I began to think that you were testing my warning about having all the exits covered.”

“I am so sorry, one of my work colleagues followed me in, and we chatted a short while and then my phone rang, and I just lost track of time.”

Instead of sitting opposite Robbie, Serena pulled her chair around so she was sitting by his side. Robbie frowned slightly. “I'm hoping that that doesn't mean that I'm very easy to forget about.”

“Oh no, no,” said Serena, putting her hand out to rest gently on his arm. “In fact you were the main topic of both of the conversations,” and she felt a warm flush suffuse her cheeks. That admission cheered him immediately and he put his hand over hers, squeezing gently, and placed a soft kiss on her forehead. After another couple of rounds he suggested that they either needed to order some food here or find a small restaurant before they had anything more to drink. “That's probably very good advice,” Serena said, “but I am really tired, it was a very busy day today at work, so I think I'll just head home, if that okay with you..?”

“What if it's not okay with me, would that make you reconsider?” Serena shook her head. “Not really, no. It's not because I haven't enjoyed this evening because I have. It's been so nice to spend time with someone that I don't work with. The only reason, is it's because I am simply tired. I have a lot to get done at home tomorrow as well as some reading of medical journals I can't put off any longer. Then I'm back at work on Monday, and after my shift I shall be at the Family History group at the library. As you can tell my days are just packed with fun!” Serena looked at Robbie from the corner of her eye and winked, to show she was joking.

Robbie thought she looked absolutely adorable when she winked at him, and her words had gone a long way to reassuring him that she wasn't just trying to get away. He asked her what had prompted the interest in her family history, and she explained about her mother's death a few months ago and the discovery of the card and the possibility of a sister out there somewhere. He leaned in and slipped his hand around her shoulders, pulling her towards him. “That must have been quite a shock. Have you thought about what you'll do if you find anything positive?”

Serena sighed. “I've been thinking of nothing else since I found the card. But if I'm honest I don't really think I'll find anything that cut and dried, I have so little information to go on. I've no idea if it was an official adoption or not. I still can't believe my mother never said anything at all about it, well not to me, and now it's too late.” She took a shaky breath. “But I feel I have to try, for my mother, my sister and for me.”

She rested her head on his shoulder and thought how comforting it felt to be held like this again.

“Okay, then let's get you home so you can get that rest you so obviously need." And, if you do get stuck on your search, then let me know and I'll see if there's anyone amongst all my contacts who might be able to help.” And so saying Robbie stood up and pulled Serena up too. He curled an arm around her waist, and asked if she'd allow him to see her home, but she declined, preferring, on this occasion to phone for a cab.

Once outside he waited with her, his arm still round her waist pulling her close to him. “I'd very much like to see you again,” he said quietly, “we could do this again, or maybe a meal next time?”

“That would be nice. Same time next Friday?”

“I shall look forward to it,” he murmured in her ear, his warm breath sending tingles up and down her spine. “Would you allow me to chose the venue next time?” Serena nodded, and then spotted the taxi approaching.

Robbie opened the door for her and drew her into his arms before she could climb inside. “Thank you, I've enjoyed this evening, getting to know a bit about you,” and he put a finger under her chin and tipped her head up so he could look into her eyes. He moved his lips towards hers and kissed her briefly but warmly. “Until next week then,” he said with a smile, holding on to her hand until the last minute.

 

Once home, it didn't take long before Serena was ready for bed. She lay back against her pillows and smiled. It had felt so good to have someone's arms around her, treating her as if she was someone really special. And he'd behaved impeccably, quite the perfect gentleman to be honest. Her mind drifted back to the last perfect gentleman she'd dated, Angus, who had been CEO of Holby for a short while. She hoped that Robbie would prove to be a bit more demonstrative than him, four dates later, and they'd barely got past the kissing stage of a relationship, which when you fancied someone, was at least two dates too long.

Did she fancy Robbie? Well, she decided, it would be fun finding out. Just because she was ever so slightly over 50, didn't mean she was dead from the waist down, very far from it! His kiss was sweet too, gentle but firm, although the stubble would take a little getting used to..

As she was drifting off to sleep she remembered Bernie's phone call. That had been strange to say the least. She had sounded quite odd, so hesitant, and so different to the woman she had seen taking charge of things at the library yesterday. Maybe she's actually quite shy, she thought, but able to function to quite a high level within the confines of a job she obviously was very competent at and loved.

She sniggered a bit when she thought of how unlike anybody's idea of a librarian she really was. That hair for one! She lay there wondering if she would be able to tame it, whether Bernie wanted it tamed. Looks like she just runs her fingers through it and hopes for the best. I bet I could still do better using my fingers she thought with a smile, as an image, unbidden, came into her mind of her reaching up with her hands to try and calm the tangled mess. Her stomach did a little flip and her eyes opened in surprise.

Maybe I should have had a bite to eat after those drinks, she thought, but dismissed the idea of getting up again. She snuggled down under the duvet, thinking how one visit to the library had resulted in the possibility of two new friends. She would have to admit to Elinor that she'd been right about doing something different, and that would be hard to do, so she thought she'd text her tomorrow rather than speak to her. Her eyes closed and a picture of one of her new friends stayed with her as she drifted off to sleep, more relaxed than she'd felt in a long time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for all of you that can't stand Robbie the bobby, but at least I've left you with a little hope.


	4. The Second First Date?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Serena and Bernie share some of their stories.

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Chapter 4

 

 

After what had been a fairly relaxing Sunday at home, Serena started her shift on AAU early, as she was hoping that today would be quite low key, which might allow her to leave a little early, or at least on time for once. That way she would have time to pop home for a quick shower before heading off for the library. But knowing just how unlikely that was she had taken the precaution of bringing all the paperwork she had, that might be relevant to her search for her sister, ready for this evening.

She'd also received a text from Robbie yesterday, asking if she was alright and saying just how much he had enjoyed their date. He even hinted that if she was free before next Friday he would love to see her, providing their shifts didn't clash. She had let him know that she really was quite busy this week so unless circumstances changed she was happy to leave it at Friday at the moment.

She had to admit that it had felt lovely to have someone interested her again and the kiss and the touches had certainly given her a warm, fuzzy feeling, but she felt she needed to take her time before she invested more of herself into this possible relationship.

 

When she arrived on the ward Mr di Lucca and Nurse Fletcher were standing by the nurse's station chatting. They both grinned at each other when they saw her, and Fletcher decided to take a chance with his opening remark.

 

“You're an early bird Ms Campbell, did someone else have an early shift today?” and he nudged Raf as he spoke.

 

Serena turned, her face set in a steely gaze as she looked at Fletcher, and said through set lips.

“I can only presume that you are intimating that Robbie spent last night in my bed. Maybe you need to be reminded that it is non of your damn business!”

She saw Raf and Fletch pale slightly and take a step back.

“Look, we have enough gossip going on in this hospital without either of you two adding to it. Please make a note in those grubby little minds that Robbie did _not_ stay at my home during any part of a day or night so far. If he ever does you need to remember that it will still be _non of your damn business!_ Do I make myself clear?!”

 

They both nodded and she strode into her office and slammed the door.

Fletcher raised his eyebrows, “Blimey, do you think I touched a nerve there?”

Raf swatted him on the arm, “Oh for pity's sake, if she said nothing happened then I for one believe her. And you know as well I do that when she's........you know,....she's a lot less crabby, and has a sort of mellow vibe. If you have any brain, you'll know to back off.”

 

Serena sat in her office with a smile on her face. She had to clamp down when the rumour mill was in full swing, but part of her was secretly thrilled that they still viewed her as someone who could get it if she wanted. “There's life in the old dog yet then Campbell” she murmured to herself, and then settled into her work in a far better mood than usual.

 

Bernie's colleagues at the library had also noticed that she was quite upbeat today.

“How many cups of coffee have you had already?” asked Steve. “Or has something happened over the weekend that you'd care to share with us? Anything on the horizon, any dates looming that we should know about?”

Bernie tried to look disapproving, but failed miserably.

“Nothing that needs any discussion, thank you. Just another week to get through, with it's highs and lows....as usual” Bernie's voice faltered slightly but no-one seemed to notice.

“Come on, the books won't put themselves in order, will they?” she remonstrated, trying to rally the troops.

She was relieved that there were no school or nursery visits for today, as the more mundane jobs allowed her mind to dwell on the possible highs, namely seeing Serena again.

 

And Serena was delighted when she was able to get away on time, and paid a flying visit home to have a quick shower and change of clothes. Didn't have to agonise over what to wear this time either, a mid-length skirt, camisole top and an orange over-blouse with the cutest pair of kitten heels, seeing as she would be sitting down for most of the evening. A very quick cup of coffee to stave off any early hunger pangs, and hopefully the kick of caffeine would keep her from yawning too much. By the time she was getting into her car she could feel little butterflies in her stomach, wondering if she would find anything out tonight.

 

Bernie was upstairs in her office supposedly doing a report on the quarterly statistics, which were fortunately showing an upward trend of people using the library, but in reality she was just looking down on the main floor of the library, her eyes fixed on the door waiting to see if a certain someone was going to make an appearance. She had been trying to understand why she was so keen for Serena Campbell to attend the session tonight. She wasn't going to hide from herself that she found her physically attractive, but she wasn't the first attractive woman to have walked through the door of the library and she wouldn't be the last. No, it was when she had sat and talked about her book in Readers Circle that she had felt she had connected with a kindred spirit. She really hoped they could become close friends, and was therefore a little jealous that Robbie Metcalfe had got to socialise with her first.

She knew plenty of women, who, once they were in a serious relationship become temporarily blind to everyone outside their little bubble. It had taken a lot of courage for Bernie to ring and ask Serena to go for something to eat with her, and she was extremely nervous about being second to Robbie. She wanted Serena to see the real her, and like her for it.

She stood up quickly when she spotted Serena walking into the library, a smile coming easily to her lips as she ran down the stairs to greet her.

“Hi, you made it in time. I was worried that you might get held up at work.”

“So was I,” admitted Serena, “but I kept my head down, and fortunately, no last minute emergencies, so here I am.”

Bernie went around the library gathering up those people she knew had arrived for the Family History session, and also had to persuade the last couple of users on the computers to finish up so that they could begin the session.

Serena watched all of this with a smile on her face. She thought back to how hesitant Bernie had seemed on the phone and yet here she was chatting, smiling, dealing efficiently with grumbles and dissent. She's a fascinating mix of confidence and vulnerability, she thought, and that smile,....that smile could charm the birds out of the trees.

Most of those in the group knew each other and they sat at the empty computers, some of them producing files of paper from carrier bags that indicated they had been searching for some time. There weren't many spaces left and Serena caught Bernie's eye and pointed to herself and nodded at one of the still empty chairs to ascertain if she should take a seat, but Bernie shook her head and pointed to the chair by the enquiry desk, so Serena went and sat down there. Another lady entered and was greeted warmly by Bernie and most of those already seated, so Serena correctly surmised that this must be Dorothy who ran the session. With just one spare seat now remaining Serena started to gather her bag up to move when a younger woman ran in muttering apologies and threw herself into the vacant place.

Serena looked at Bernie again and frowned, and she merely held her hands out and shrugged with an apologetic look on her face. She then turned to speak to Dorothy, at one point gesturing in Serena's direction which earnt her a very harsh glare, looked at Serena in much the same way and then nodded curtly before turning away.

Bernie hurried over and asked Serena to move around the desk to sit where the staff normally sit in front of the computer and she then grabbed another chair to sit next to her.

“I'm really, really sorry,” said Bernie, “I'm afraid I was telling a fib last week when I said there was a place on the list....”

Serena frowned at her, one eyebrow raised questioningly.

“I was relying on someone not turning up.......they never _all_ turn up....”

“Except today,” finished Serena turning on the same steely gaze she had used on the ward this morning.”Well that explains the glares I'm getting from a woman I don't even know, I suppose.” looking in the direction of Dorothy.

“Erm...I think you'll find those glares are especially just for me, not you. She's actually a very nice lady, but doesn't like it when I interfere”

“Great!” Serena started to stand up and Bernie put her hand on her arm to pull her back down.

“Wait, wait, where are you going?”

“You've just admitted to me that there is no place for me, so I may as well go home and find something to eat. I don't see any point in hanging around waiting for you to finish so that we can go out. Robbie has already said he may be able to help if I got stuck, so I think I'll just take him up on that offer.”

The iciness of Serena's voice made Bernie flinch.

“No, please, you don't have to go. I told Dorothy that if you sat here at the staff computer with me, I'd try to help, and she said if we got stuck she'd come over and lend a hand. Please? I know I should have been straight with you, I do tend to act a bit impulsively sometimes.”

Serena settled back into the chair, and tried to look past Bernie's fringe, into her eyes.

“But I don't understand why you said there was a space. You only had to say that you'd put me on the waiting list and I would have been happy with that.”

Bernie shied away from Serena's gaze.

“I don't really know. You looked a bit anxious and lost when you first came in, and then there was all the confusion over the book and....I wanted to help I suppose. I was a bit rubbish..”

Serena's stare softened a little.

“Alright, we can make a start tonight I suppose, _but_ I won't be coming back again until there is an actual space, agreed?”

“Agreed.” Bernie exhaled and felt some of the tension leave her shoulders. “But.....erm....what about our dinner.....thing?”

Serena rolled her eyes. “That's still on I suppose. I'll be hungry by then anyway..”

Bernie allowed a small grin to appear on her face as she felt the rest of the tension leave her body.

“Good. Shall we make a start then?”

 

For the next hour they poured over the documents available to them on Ancestry.com. The main difficulty had been trying to determine the year in which her sister had been born. As Serena's birth year was 1965 (“same as me”, enthused Bernie), they decided to try looking for a birth certificate around 1962. Serena was certain that if her mother had already been in a relationship with her father, then, although it would have been awkward, she felt that they would have married in a hurry so that the baby would be born in wedlock. So for it to have occurred prior to them dating, it would have to be 1962 or earlier.

Dorothy had walked over at one point and had spoken quite kindly to Serena, whilst still managing to glare at Bernie.

She advised her to look in the registration districts where she knew her mother had lived at first and obviously to look under her mother's maiden name.

“Of course we can't be sure she used her own name when registering the child, or that her parents didn't send her away to have it, as was often the case in strongly Christian families, to avoid the shame they felt.” Dorothy looked at Serena sympathetically. “I'm sure you realise this could be a very long job”

She then returned to the other students, but not before she frowned at Bernie one more time.

“Oh dear, I can't imagine what you're going to have to do to make up with her,” said Serena, a slight smirk on her face.

Bernie sighed, “I'm pretty sure copious amounts of alcohol might go a little way to mend our working relationship, but it won't be easy.”

Serena looked at the screen once more and sighed.

“I'm not sure I can focus any more tonight, and in view of what she's just said, I'm not sure it's worth all this effort. It could take months, if not years!”

Bernie nodded. “Okay, let's leave it tonight and discuss where we go with it on another day. It's about time I gave the others a hand clearing the library and locking up, but you can wait in here and come out through the staff exit if you like?”

“It's alright, I'll go and wait in my car.” She stood up and took Bernie towards the window, “that's my car over the road next to the lamp post. A blue Hyundai i20.” And with that Serena left, stopping to speak to Dorothy on the way out.

About 10 minutes later, Bernie arrived by Serena's car, she opened the door and sank into the passenger seat.

“Maybe we should have discussed the arrangements for dinner in a little more detail,” suggested Serena. “like where are we going and in whose car?”

Bernie grinned.

“I took the decision to travel here this morning on public transport,” grinned Bernie, “and I thought if you didn't mind eating somewhere local to me, then I can walk home afterwards.”

Serena couldn't help but be amused by the little smirk that Bernie now had on her face, as she started the engine. “Where am I headed for then?”

 

Fifteen minutes later they had arrived in one of the smaller suburbs of Holby, where the High St was dotted with a wide range of eateries, and they settled on a small cafe or lounge as neither wanted to be tempted into drinking alcohol, Serena because she was driving, and Bernie because she was working tomorrow.

When they had ordered their food and both had a large coffee sitting in front of them, Bernie asked Serena a few more questions about her search for a possible sister, and Serena gave her the same little tale she had told Robbie last week.

“That must have felt so weird when you found the card,” said Bernie, “like your mother was a whole different person to the one you thought she was. Do you think...would you...would you have asked her about it, if, you know, you'd found it before she died?”

Serena's eyes filled with tears, and Bernie was horrified that she'd been so insensitive. She reached across the table to grasp her hand.

“I'm sorry, that was so crass of me, I truly never meant to upset you.”

Serena sniffed. “It's fine, it's just that unless I'd found it about 12 months ago it wouldn't have made much difference. She....she had dementia and things got very difficult towards the end...which is why I reduced my hours at work.”

Serena felt herself welling up again and Bernie couldn't believe she'd managed to upset Serena so much and didn't know how to put it right. She moved chairs to sit next to her and tentatively put her arm around her shoulders.

“Oh Serena, I can't imagine what you went through, and still are I would think. It must have been so hard.....and you must have felt so lonely too.”

Serena raised her head and looked at Bernie in surprise, and the gratitude she felt at those words started to bubble up inside her.

“You're the first person to ever recognise how isolated I felt, even though I had people around me who were kind and helpful. There wasn't anyone that I felt I could open up to.” She paused and rested her head briefly on Bernie's shoulder, “Thank you.”

 

Their food arrived shortly afterwards, and Bernie stayed sitting next to Serena while they ate, and chatted amicably about their respective careers. Finally they got onto the subject of families.

“Well, you know probably all you need to know about my unfortunate ex already. How about you, any partner or skeletons hanging around, any deep dark secrets that you're ready to share?” Serena had said this in a teasing way, and was startled when she saw Bernie stiffen, and her mouth set into a thin line. It was Serena's turn to realise she had inadvertently touched a nerve,

“It's okay Bernie, just forget I said anything, it's really none of my business”

 

Bernie shook her head.

“No, it's fine.....It's just that...I'm divorced too, nearly 2 years now.” She screwed her napkin into a ball in her fist. “It still feels a bit raw, you know?...It wasn't very amicable, Marcus...” Bernie stopped talking although it was obvious she hadn't finished what she was going to say.

“Who initiated the proceedings?” Serena asked gently.

“That would be me.....irreconcilable differences,....but circumstances changed slightly after he....” again Bernie paused as if unsure, or the memory was too painful.

Serena wanted to say something or take hold of her hand but she sensed that Bernie was trying to hold everything together, and any interruption might cause her to either clam up or fall apart. So she waited.

Bernie was having a hard time and couldn't look at Serena, so she stared down at the table and took a deep breath before she continued..

“Marcus...became very bitter, because it was me...I did,...I cheated.”

Serena stilled and pulled back slightly, and Bernie forced herself to look at her.

“Well, I can certainly understand the bitterness then, I know how he must have felt.”

She took a long hard look at Bernie and Bernie felt herself start to colour up.

“Are you still with him? The person you cheated with?”

Serena's voice was clipped and icy.

Bernie shook her head and muttered something.

“Sorry, I didn't catch that, do you wish to repeat it?

 

Bernie drew on every bit of courage she had as she said “It wasn't a man ..... that I cheated with. It was a ..woman.” and her chest, neck and face turned crimson.

Serena was still feeling angry but her body and face relaxed slightly as she took in how difficult it must have been for Bernie to admit this to her. She leant slightly in towards Bernie.

“It doesn't make it any better you know, because it was a woman and not a man!”

“I know, I wasn't trying to...make excuses. It just...happened. It took me by surprise and...” Bernie once again fell silent and Serena didn't jump in to fill the void.

After a couple of minutes Bernie turned to Serena and suggested they pay for their food and go outside. “I still have things to say, but I can't manage it here.”

Once out on the street they walked silently to where Serena's car was parked. ”Do you want to sit inside?” asked Serena, and Bernie shook her head.

“There's a low wall just over the road, perhaps go and sit there then?” suggested Serena, and this time Bernie nodded.

They walked to the wall and perched there, not the most comfortable place to sit, but it was quiet and there was no-one to overhear.

As they sat there, Bernie looked up at the sky and then back down to Serena, this time forcing herself to look her directly in the eye.

“I'm not ashamed of who, or what I am, but I am ashamed of how much I hurt him....he didn't deserve that.”

“Are there any children involved?” Serena's voice had lost the hard edge it had had earlier but she was still not completely ready to abandon her principles.

“No, and for that I am eternally grateful, however much I had wanted them in the beginning.”

Serena felt another pang as she heard those words. She must have loved Marcus once she thought, but knew that this was neither the time nor the place to pursue that line of thought.

“How did your family take it?” she asked instead.

Bernie gave a sharp derogatory laugh. “They didn't, haven't spoken to my father since the divorce, he won't have me in the house. My mother occasionally writes but never mentions it.”

When Bernie looked at Serena again, she saw that her face had softened.

“Did you have anyone in your corner during all of this? The....woman?”

“No. I couldn't bear to see her once I knew how badly I had hurt Marcus. And I don't think she was all that bothered, if I'm honest. I just screwed everything and everybody up really. Seems to be something I excel in apparently.” Bernie gave a weak smile and closed her eyes as if she was picturing scenes from those days in her mind.

 

“Thank you.” said Serena

 

Bernie's eyes flew open in surprise.

 

“Thank you for not lying to me. I've heard too many lies in my life, and while the truth is sometimes hard to take, I prefer it any day to the tangled mess that ensues when people lie.”

Bernie felt her eyes fill with tears, and it was Serena's turn to put her arm around her and pull her close.

“And thank you for trusting me enough to tell me.”

Bernie looked gratefully at Serena and could scarcely believe how lucky she was that she had walked into her library just 4 days ago.

They sat there in silence for a few more minutes, with Bernie becoming acutely conscious that Serena's arm was still around her waist. She stood up slowly, forcing Serena to drop her arm.

“Shall we head back to the car?” she asked, and as they crossed the road Bernie asked Serena about her date with Robbie, even though she wasn't sure she wanted to hear the answer.

“Hmm. Good, thanks. He's a....nice man. Even forgave me the time I spent in the toilet talking to you!”

“So do you have any other plans then, as in another date?”

“He's taking me for a meal on Friday. How about you, anyone on the horizon, or closer, that you've got your eye on?”

They were now standing next to the car, and Bernie shook her head.  
“No, I think I'm better operating in a sex-free zone thank you, keeps me sharp!”

Serena giggled, and then yawned.

“Oh, I'm sorry. It's been an emotional night in more ways than one, and I'm suddenly feeling quite tired.

Maybe we should call it a night?”

Bernie nodded, “I can't argue with that, I've got an early start myself tomorrow, and even though I'd love to chat for a bit longer, I don't think it would be wise, not without a large drink for dutch courage in case any more skeletons arrive.

“I agree with that sentiment whole-heartedly” said Serena. She hesitated.....she'd had an idea but wasn't sure how Bernie would react.

“I noticed that the library is closed on a Wednesday, does that mean you're not working?” 

“It does this week. Why?” asked Bernie.

“I just thought we could spend some time together. If the weather is going to be dry, perhaps we could take a picnic somewhere?”

Bernie felt as if her face would split in two with the grin that spread across her face.

“Love to!”

“Great,” said Serena, with relief. “I'll text you tomorrow with some ideas if that's okay? And if you think of anywhere you'd like to go just let me know.”

Serena offered Bernie a lift, but she declined saying that a 5 minute walk wouldn't exactly kill her, and she liked walking anyway.

She looked at Serena and smiled shyly. “Thank you, in spite of everything, I've really enjoyed this evening.”

“Me too,” said Serena, and she suddenly drew Bernie to her in a quick hug, before getting into her car and driving away.

Bernie stood there for at least 2 minutes, smiling, before she put her hands in her pockets and strode off towards her small flat. And as she walked she was aware that for the first time for what felt a very long time, she not only felt happy, but she no longer felt lonely.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Firstly, thank you to everyone who has left comments and kudos. It really does make a difference to know that you are enjoying the story.  
> I know I originally said that this fic would be shorter that my previous one, but things have already taken a different tack to the one I intended, so who knows.  
> Hope you stay along for the ride anyway.


	5. The Day Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Serena and Bernie spend the day roaming around a National Trust property, both of them becoming a bit more in tune with their feelings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Firstly, thank you to everyone who has left comments and kudos. I will reply to you as quickly as I can.  
> Secondly, I apologise to anyone who has been to the NT property I have used in this Chapter, as I have never been there, so any descriptions are completely from my imagination, or based on other properties I have visited

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Chapter 5

 

 

The Day Off

 

 

 

Serena had spent part of Tuesday looking at National Trust properties that she though might suit both her and Bernie for their day out on Wednesday, and had finally settled on Dyrham Park, which was only about a 30 minute drive from Holby.

And here they were, travelling in Bernie's car this time, towards a 17th century house and gardens, which also included an ancient deer park. Serena had chosen a venue not too far away so that they would have plenty of time there to explore, but the way Bernie was driving she was sure that they would arrive before it had even opened. Either that or they'd never arrive at all, and spend the rest of their time in an ambulance being driven to the nearest A&E department.

She looked across at Bernie, intending to tell her off about the speed she was travelling, and was taken unawares at the smile that was plastered over her face. She took a slightly gentler tone.

“Look, I can see you're enjoying yourself, but we're not in a race you know. If you reduce your speed a little, we might avoid getting stopped by the police and we'd still be one of the first visitors to arrive today.”

Bernie took her foot off the accelerator to slow down, and had the grace to look contrite.

“Sorry. It's just ages since I've done something different on my day off! It actually feels like a holiday.”

Serena laughed and reached her hand out to pat her leg, which made Bernie jump and the car swerved slightly.

“Sorry.......could you warn me if you're going to do that again? I wouldn't want to crash the car.”

Serena smirked as she replied. “Good job I'd asked you to slow down don't you think?”

Bernie turned her head briefly towards Serena and stuck out her tongue.

 

“Really? How old are you Berenice Wolfe?” Serena shook her head at the childish action. But if she was being totally honest she was just as happy as Bernie was at the prospect of spending a whole day together doing something a little bit different.

When she had been planning where they would go she had also realised that a picnic wasn't really going to be feasible, not having enough time to shop and bake ready for the next day.

“Are you sure you're not too disappointed about not having a picnic?” she asked for third time since Bernie had picked her up this morning.

“Serena, honestly I don't mind..at all! As long as there's somewhere we can grab a coffee it wouldn't worry me if we didn't eat until later this evening.”

“Well, that wouldn't suit me,” replied Serena, “so don't imagine for one second that that's going to happen. I get positively nasty if my blood sugar takes too much of a dip, so be warned. There's a very nice tea room where we can have a quick bite to tide us over.....and there's an extra surprise, something that will be a treat for you, I hope,.. if you behave yourself.”

Serena grinned. “And that doesn't mean I won't enjoy it too, but I think you will appreciate it most.”

Bernie snorted with laughter.

“My, my Serena Campbell, it does sound as though you know how to show a girl a good time.”

Serena's eyes widened in surprise and as she ran the last few words of their conversation through her mind she felt her cheeks grow hot.

“I...I...didn't....I..you......oh..” Serena couldn't get any words out to reply and Bernie had to fight the urge to laugh again as she realised how embarrassed she was.

“I'm sorry, it was just a joke..I'll do my best to behave from now on, I promise.” and Bernie reached across to briefly pat her leg, fighting against another urge to leave her hand resting there.

Serena took a couple of deep breaths to try and calm herself down. How could I be so stupid, she thought, not only for not thinking about my choice of words in the first place, but to then become as flustered as a tongue-tied teenager was just ridiculous!

Just at that moment Bernie gave a small 'whoop' as they drove though some impressive wrought iron gates that marked the entrance to Dyrham Park. As Serena had predicted they were still some of the first visitors there and after paying their entrance fee were able to pick and choose their parking spot.

Bernie, still excited, bounded out of the car and raced round to the passenger side to open the door for Serena and proffered a hand to help her out, which Serena swatted away.

“Thank you very much, but I'm not _that_ old yet!”

Bernie was unabashed, “Just trying to be a little gallant,” she said.“Where should we go first, do you think house or gardens?”  and all the time she was talking she was transferring her weight from one foot to another giving the impression of someone who was desperate for the loo.

Serena looked at her in exasperation.

“I think we'd better stay outside for a while until you've burnt off some of that energy. I don't think any of the antiques dotted around the house would be safe if we went inside. You're like an overgrown toddler!”

Bernie laughed again but this time it was much louder, and was a sound that was unlike anything Serena had ever heard issuing from another human being. It sounded like a cross between a goose and a donkey, and it was very infectious as Serena found out, unable to stop herself from joining in. A few other visitors still in the car park stared at them both incredulously until they too were drawn in and started to laugh as well.

“How on earth does a sound like that come out of a body like yours?” gasped Serena hysterically.

Bernie calmed down first and looked at Serena apologetically.

“I'm sorry, I do my best to control it but not very successfully as you can tell. You can imagine how well it goes down in the library. I've had to resort to pushing my hand into my mouth to try and stifle it.”

Serena shook her head and started dabbing at her eyes with a tissue.

“Come on, lets go for a walk in the West Garden”

 

They spent nearly 2 hours walking in the grounds which were absolutely beautiful at this time of the year, with the leaves changing their colours from green to yellow, to orange and red and finally brown. On parts of the estate it was like walking on a beautiful carpet that crunched beneath their feet, yet felt soft and springy too. Bernie even managed to resist running through them kicking them up into the air....well, most of the time. They also took a slight detour into the Perry Orchard and helped with picking up some of the pears that had already fallen to the floor, all of which would go towards making the perry cider that they sold in the National Trust shop on site.

Serena slowly straightened up, feeling her muscles protest at this unaccustomed activity. She looked at Bernie who was still effortlessly gathering fruit as she scurried around the orchard, and smiled.

Damn, she was so fit, she thought (in more ways than one), and her stomach gave a little flip.

“Bernie,' she called, and Bernie came trotting over to her. “I wondered if you were ready for a hot drink, and something to eat?”

“Anytime you like, I could certainly do with a drink.” There was a small pause.

“Have I been good enough to earn my extra surprise?” she asked cheekily.

Serena felt herself begin to blush. “Only if you stop teasing me “ she said sternly.

Bernie put her hands up in the air in mock surrender. “Okay, okay, best behaviour from now on I promise.”

As they walked back along the drive towards the house Serena turned to ask Bernie something, only to find her staring intently at her.

“Do I have a smudge on my face, or leaves in my hair?” she asked.

It was Bernie's turn to feel a flush creeping up her neck to her face. “No, no...I..I was just thinking...”

“About what?”

Bernie felt her face grow even warmer.

“I was....thinking that I'm...so glad that...you decided to walk into my library last week,” she finished in a rush.

Serena moved towards her and patted her arm.

“Me too,” she said, “me too.”

 

After they had fortified themselves with a large coffee each and a humungous slice of homemade cake, Serena decided it was time to give Bernie her 'surprise'.

“If it's okay with you, I think we'd better leave the tour of the house for another day and go and spend some of our hard earned cash on something we both profess to love.”

Bernie widened her eyes in mock surprise. “You mean they sell wine and whisky here as well as the perry cider?”

Serena rolled her eyes. “Just shut up and follow me.” she ordered, as they exited the tea room. Serena led her down the dimly lit corridor and turned right at the end. “I thought you said we weren't going into the house.” said Bernie looking puzzled.

“I said we weren't doing the tour...pay attention. Just be patient....and quiet!”

Bernie pretended to zip her lips as she walked behind Serena, and nearly bumped straight into her as she stopped outside a door. Serena slowly opened the door and Bernie gasped with glee as she saw they had stepped into a beautiful room made even more beautiful by having books from the floor nearly to the ceiling. But this was no library, but a bookshop that was filled to the rafters with second-hand books.

Bernie's eyes danced with delight as she looked round the room and she turned to Serena with the biggest smile on her face.

“Wow! How long have I.... _we_....got to browse then?”

“I'd like to say until they close ,which is in about three and a half hours, but really I'd like to leave before we get caught in rush hour traffic, so shall we say 2 hours?”

Bernie nodded, her eyes still shining as she whirled round and moved swiftly to get a feel of the layout of the place, before she started shopping in earnest.

Serena took a much more measured approach, and, after speaking to one of the assistants, she headed off in the direction of the cookery books, and began to systematically sort through them. She had a specific book in mind, called the Be-Ro Book of Home Baking. Her mother had had a copy when she was growing up, and although she hadn't done a lot of baking, she always managed to produce a treat or two from this booklet. Serena's favourite had been a biscuit called 'Melting Moments' and although she had come across other recipes with the same name, the ones she had attempted to cook had never tasted exactly the same. She had already searched in her mothers meagre collection of cookbooks without success, and figured that it must have been lost in one of the three moves they had endured as a family.

Bernie meanwhile had been flitting from bookcase to bookcase, pausing now and then as a title caught her eye, when she would lift it carefully, almost reverently, from its resting place on the shelf, gazing in delight at the contents that she discovered inside. Over an hour she had already collected four books that she'd decided to purchase, and then she turned the corner of another bookcase and saw the poetry section and she sighed with delight.

She paused as her eyes roamed the books before her, taking time to savour the names that caught her attention. If only her small flat was triple the size it was she would gather at least 20 of the titles she could see. But that wasn't an option so she made the decision to search for just two poetry books that she wanted to buy, more in fact than any of the four she had already chosen. She decided there and then that if they were very expensive she would put the other back willingly. One was a very small paperback book called 'A Child's Christmas in Wales' by Dylan Thomas. She had first heard the narrative poem on the radio being read by Dylan Thomas himself when she was 8 years old, and loved it so much that her mother had bought her a little edition that had only cost 30p brand new and she had treasured it for many years. It became something of a family tradition at Christmas for her to sit and read it to everyone on Christmas Eve just before going to bed, in as close an approximation as she could manage of the Welsh accent. She could remember large amounts of it by heart, given the number of times she had read it, but it was important to her that she didn't buy a brand new copy, but found the same edition that she had owned. She wanted to imagine someone else reading from it, and loving it as much as she had. In fact her love of second hand books developed simply because she felt she could connect with previous owners, all of whom had left their invisible fingerprints on the pages.

The other book was another one that she'd had as a child, although some of its content would not now allow it to marketed as such, in this far more politically correct age, as some of it was quite bawdy. It was the Penguin Book of Comic and Curious Verse, and it was the first poetry book she had ever owned, a gift from a very dear if slightly unusual uncle. She moved slowly along the shelves scanning for those two books, but found herself easily distracted, and it was thirty minutes later that Serena turned a corner and saw her sitting on her haunches, totally engrossed in the book that she held in her hands.

Serena froze for a moment, not wanted to disturb her, and she gazed at Bernie watching her slender fingers tracing the words on the page, and her lips silently mouthing the words she was reading. The afternoon sun was streaming through a window to her left and some rays were shining on her messy, crazy...wonderful hair, making her appear almost ethereal. Serena's breath caught in her throat, and Bernie must have heard it for she raised her head and turned in Serena's direction, a smile coming readily to her lips as she spotted her.

“Trying to sneak up on me were you?” she asked softly, as if too loud a voice would break the spell of this place.

Serena gathered her wits together as best she could.

“Well, it's good to see that there is something that stops you from rushing around like a mad March hare,” she observed. “I was just wondering if you felt you could tear yourself away?”

Bernie stood up and picked up the growing pile of books from the floor. “Yes, I think seven is enough for today, and look I have managed to find one of the books I've been looking for, for a while,” and she proudly showed Serena the Dylan Thomas book she had coveted for so long.

“If we're still friends on Christmas Eve I promise to resurrect the Wolfe family tradition and read this to you.”

“I'll keep you to that,” said Serena smiling, “I too managed to find two books I wanted, but let's go and pay, we can talk about our purchases on the way home.”

The walk back to the car wasn't as straightforward as it should have been however, as Bernie spotted a children's playground and ran over to have a go on the slide, ignoring the disapproving looks of some of the parents and grandparents that were there. Serena made a point of walking on to avoid any embarrassment , but couldn't resist turning round briefly to watch her as she came down the slide, sheer enjoyment radiating from her face as she ran to catch Serena up. 

“Woo hoo! I can't remember the last time I did that. You should have come too, it was fun!”

“Apart from the fact that people of our age should not be using any of the play equipment, I doubt very much that my hips would have allowed me to slide anywhere...I'd still be stuck half way down. Unlike you, I haven't exactly kept my girlish figure.”

Bernie moved closer to Serena as they arrived at her car, and leaned towards her as she said, near to her ear, “I think I can safely say that your figure is definitely.... all woman” and Bernie almost growled the last few words as she nudged Serena with her elbow, nearly causing her to drop her books.

Serena's heart was pounding, but she managed to squeeze a “behave” out of her mouth, before she dropped thankfully into her seat. She felt very light-headed and was trying to focus on controlling her breathing, which had suddenly become very rapid.

Trying to make sense of the way she was feeling, it dawned on her that she had only had two cups of coffee and that slice of cake all day, so as they sped off towards Holby she half turned and her head and asked Bernie if she would like to come back to her house and have some dinner there. Bernie was secretly very pleased to receive this invitation, but felt she should protest.

“It's very kind of you Serena but I couldn't put you to all that trouble, especially after you organised such a wonderful day out for us both. You must be tired, at least too tired to start cooking. What about a take-away?”

Serena shook her head emphatically.

“No. I prefer home cooked food, especially as take-aways only pile on pounds I can ill afford. And, trim or not, I suspect that you have far more than you should. Look, I have some bolognaise sauce that I cooked yesterday in the fridge. All I'll have to do is heat it up, throw some pasta in some boiling water and chop up a few vegetables and we'll have a home cooked meal in less time than it takes to even order a take-away.”

“In that case, yes, I'd love to accept your invitation,” said Bernie, with a wonderful, light feeling in her heart.

The traffic wasn't too bad and they were pulling up on Serena's drive after just 45 minutes. Once inside, after hanging up their coats, Bernie followed Serena into the kitchen and watched Serena moving around, marvelling at how organised she was and slightly envious of the space that there was in her home. In no time at all all the different components of the meal were bubbling away on top of the stove, and Serena handed Bernie a bottle of Shiraz for her to open while she looked out a couple of wine glasses.

Fifteen minutes later they were sitting in the kitchen eating their meal, and Bernie was sipping her wine very slowly trying to make one glass last as long as possible, given that she still had to drive home. Serena had no such restrictions and was already halfway through her second glass. As she sat facing Bernie across the breakfast bar she was desperately trying to come to rationalise the fact that she found Bernie very captivating. Not only that, she felt completely in tune with her sense of humour, and was envious of her ability to have fun in nearly any situation. Which was something that she felt she had buried deep within herself, burdened down by all the difficulties she had encountered over the last twelve months. She knew that she hadn't always been as stiff in manner as she sometimes seemed to those who hadn't known her long. She had used to connect very easily with all sorts of people, never worrying about any sort of physical contact, always ready to console or sympathise with a touch or a hug. And more importantly somehow in less than a week she could feel herself re-connecting with a part of her that she thought she had lost, the ability to trust another person enough to share her fears, problems and feelings and to not worry that it would make her seem weak.

 

Bernie was also finding Serena's presence in her life quite overwhelming. She could barely remember the last time she had been drawn to someone on so many levels. She thought Serena to be the most caring person she had known for a long time, and loved how she had planned this whole day trying to make her feel special. And with that thought her heart felt as if it was beating far too fast and her stomach was turning somersaults. She knew if she looked at Serena at this moment she would lose herself in her eyes and feel as if she was falling into a deep dark well, a well from which she would only want Serena to save her.

Bernie's eyes widened in the realisation that the growing feelings she had for Serena were far more than just friendship.

“You alright Bernie? You suddenly looked a bit spooked?” Serena's voice sounded full of concern for her friend.

“Hmnn. Yes...fine thanks. I..er..er..just remembered something I need to prepare for.....for work tomorrow. Sorry. Speaking of which I should really get off home, even though I'd like this day to carry on a little longer.”

Serena was puzzled by this statement but pushed away from the counter and stood up.

“Yes of course. Come through to the lounge and we'll sort out our purchases.”

Bernie followed Serena and had trouble taking her eyes off her swaying hips, and when she bent over the sofa to reach the books they had bought, Bernie had to turn away, stifling a small moan as she did so. She found herself looking at one of the two large bookcases in the room, and she moved towards them grateful for the distraction. She noticed that some of the books were quite old, and a fair few of them were children's books.

“Are these all yours?” she asked, “or are they just what you have collected over the years, whenever you've found yourself in a second-hand bookshop?

Serena looked up. “Most of them are books that my parents read to me as a child, I discovered them when I was clearing my mother's house, so I cleared a lot of my old medical books out of the way to make room for them. I thought I might want to re-acquaint myself with them, but up until now it's still been a bit too painful to consider.”

“Did you have a favourite that you can remember?”

Serena was going to shake her head, but then paused.

“That's funny, I hadn't thought about that, but now you've mentioned it, there was one story that I often asked for, even after I was quite capable of reading it myself.” She stared into space for a few moments, and then continued. “I think I used to love it because it was a story that my father read to me rather than my mother. I can still hear his voice saying the words, 'Rikki Tikki Tavi'.

She stopped speaking and caught her breath as a vivid memory of her lying in bed with her father telling the story her came into her mind, and she put her hand up to her neck to catch hold of the necklace he had given to her a year before he died.

Bernie looked at her, almost envious of the connection she obviously had with her father, and then turned back to the bookcase before the urge to envelop her in her arms became too strong. She started to look intently at the the titles to see if she could find the book Serena was talking about.

After a couple of minutes in a daze, Serena blinked and moved her hand from around her neck wiping away a stray tear that had spilled from her eye. She focussed on Bernie as she reached up to take a book from a shelf.

“I think I may have found the book,” she said quietly, not wanting to startle Serena. “'The Jungle Book' by Rudyard Kipling, and it's a pretty early edition too, probably quite collectable.” She turned to look at Serena and gave her a small smile. “Not that you'd ever part with it of course.”

She opened the book to look for the story and noticed a piece of paper sticking up, obviously having been used as a bookmark.

“It looks like he always knew which story you'd ask for, he's kept it ready all these years.”

Bernie opened to the page, fully intending to hand the book to Serena, when something about the folded paper caught her eye, and she placed the book on the coffee table to enable her to look at it properly.

She caught her breath and looked up at Serena with her eyes shining.

“What?...What is it?” Serena asked almost fearfully, her heart beginning to pound.

“Serena....it's.....I think.............it's your sister's birth certificate!”

 


	6. Feelings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bernie's attraction to Serena gets stronger.  
> Warning : Robbie's back, so grit your teeth ladies...

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Chapter 6

 

 

 

Serena heard a sort of rushing sound in her ears and the room started to grow dim. She was vaguely aware of Bernie rushing towards her, grabbing her by the arms and guiding her back towards the sofa to let her sink down onto the cushion, with Bernie right by her side, her arms now encircling her, so that her head was resting against Bernie's chest.

“Serena, Serena, are you okay?”

She could hear the edge of panic in Bernie's voice as she struggled to respond.

“Just lay me back,” she managed to say, “Don't worry.”

Bernie gently manoeuvred Serena so that she was lengthways on the sofa, and she slid off the seat and knelt by her side holding and stroking her hand. In less than a minute Serena was ready to sit up slowly so Bernie put her hands on her arms to gently help her up and then sat by her side with her arm across her shoulders, supporting her.

“Would you like a glass of water?” she asked , and Serena nodded, so Bernie went into the kitchen to find a glass, and when she returned Serena was holding the certificate gingerly as if it could bite her, and she smiled gratefully as Bernie handed her the water. Bernie sat down next to her and put her arm back where it had been before.

“I'm really sorry, I never thought about how you would react. I should have told you to sit down or whatever it is people say when they have potentially shocking news.”

“It's not your fault, I think my emotions were a bit near the surface because of thinking about my father, and this....(she waived the paper in the air)....it just suddenly became too much.” She took a ragged breath and turned her head to look at Bernie, and was immediately overwhelmed by the concern she could see in her face. Her breath hitched and she leant into the hollow at the base of Bernie's neck and tried to calm her herself focusing on the rise and fall of Bernie's chest to help regulate her heartbeat.

As Serena had snuggled into her Bernie had frozen. She was frightened to make any movement in case she did the wrong thing, frightened to say anything in case she said the wrong thing. The last thing that Serena needed right now, she thought, was to realise that her new friend had feelings for her, that went beyond what would be deemed proper for just a friend. She certainly wouldn't want to know that all Bernie wanted to do was to stroke her hair and press a kiss to the top of her head.

After a minute Serena pushed herself upright and a watery smile was hovering around her lips as she bent down to retrieve the certificate from the floor, where she had dropped it after she had spoken. She handed it to Bernie, who took it from her with a questioning look.

“What ….....do you want me to do with ..it?” she asked hesitantly, desperate not to make Serena feel worse.

Serena shrugged her shoulders. “Right at this moment....I don't know. I want to know, I do, but........just......at this moment...I don't think I can. If I read it tonight....I won't sleep, and I won't be able to make any sense of it.”

“So...Do you want me to take it away?.....or.....?” Bernie actually couldn't think of an 'or' so she just stopped speaking, leaving it hanging between them.

Serena put her hand up to her neck and tipped her head back to look at the ceiling.

“Oh...I can't do this.....I don't know what to say.” She paused and Bernie steeled herself not to move or speak until Serena had tried to gather her thoughts.

“I don't suppose... Serena turned slightly towards Bernie, without looking at her. “I don't suppose there's any way...... you'd be able to stay a bit longer? I know that's not fair...with work but...”

Bernie gathered Serena's hand into her two and nodded. “Of course.... as long as you need.”

Serena smiled gratefully and then lay back against the sofa, and closed her eyes, Bernie still cradling her hand. After 5 minutes, Bernie shuffled back too, close to Serena but not touching except for their hands. Another 5 minutes went by and Serena opened her eyes and looked at Bernie.

“Sorry, I feel that I've spoilt what had been a lovely day.”

“No......no, you haven't spoilt anything it was, _is,_ a wonderful day for me, and, let's be honest, if anyone's ruined anything it was me! I _had_ to poke around in someone else's books, someone else's business.”

Serena was about to interrupt and protest again, when she noticed Bernie struggling not to smile.

“This is ridiculous,” Bernie said. “It was no-one's _fault_ , it is what it is, and now at least the only decision for you will be whether you pursue it any further. And I think, to make that decision you need some sleep.”

Serena grimaced. “Not sure how that's going to pan out, not now this is in the house. I know at some point I'll look at it properly and then a whole new can of worms will come crawling out.”

“Well, how about this Ms Campbell? I take the offending article home with me and then even if you want to you won't be able to study it. Then when you're ready you let me know, and I'll bring it over.”

Serena considered this proposal and nodded. “It might work, and it certainly couldn't make it worse. Are you sure you don't mind?”

Bernie tipped her head to one side and said, “Mind? What's to mind?” and let go of her hand to pat her knee.

“Come on, you need to get to bed, and I'm not leaving until I know that's where you are.”

Serena sighed. “Okay, I'll just tidy up in the kitchen....” Bernie interrupted.

“No. no, you go straight upstairs now and have a shower or bath...whatever, and give me a shout when you're settled in bed and I'll bring you a hot drink up before I go home. So unless you want me to stay here half the night, waiting for you to go to bed, then you'll go..now!”

And she pushed Serena to the end of the sofa, nudging her to get up and finally stood up herself, grabbed hold of Serena's hands and pulled her to her feet. For a split second their bodies collided and Bernie had to quickly take a step back to lessen the ripple of excitement that had coursed through her.

“Okay, I give up,” muttered Serena and she headed out up the stairs while Bernie went back into the kitchen to do the washing up, and tidy things a little bit. She needed to occupy her mind and not dwell on the fact that Serena was upstairs, probably in the shower with water running......”No!” Bernie actually shouted this out loud and then crossed her fingers that Serena hadn't heard her. She shook her head and told herself that just because she found Serena physically and mentally attractive, she was not some hormonal teenager that couldn't control their libido. She felt so lucky to have her as a friend, she vowed not to compromise that in any way, shape or form.

Back in the lounge, she put the birth certificate into her handbag and replaced the offending book on the bookcase. Her phone buzzed, making her jump, and smiled when she saw it was Serena telling her she was already in bed.

Five minutes later she was climbing the stairs with a mug of warm milk, laced with a dash of whisky she had found, and was relieved that Serena had left the door to her room open, so that she didn't have to work out which was Serena's bedroom. She still tapped gently on the door before entering.

Serena was sitting in bed, propped up by a couple of pillows, looking tired but calm, and Bernie walked over to put her mug down on the bedside table. Serena patted the bed to indicate Bernie should sit down, but she didn't dare sit too close with how vulnerable she looked, and how she smelt after the shower, and how thin the piece of material covering her upper body was, and with all the emotions that were dancing around in her brain.

“I'd better be going if you're sure you're okay now?” Serena smiled. “If I said I wasn't would you stay a little longer?”

“Of course I would, all night if necessary. I could stay downstairs and sleep on the sofa if you think you might need me.” A small part of Bernie was hoping that she would say yes, please stay, but the larger more logical part of her brain was screaming that she needed to get away, to give herself space to process all of....... this.

“I'll be fine, don't worry, I was just teasing. I promise you that there's nothing wrong with me that a few hours sleep won't cure. You go home and make sure you take care of yourself as well.”

Serena leant forward and grasped one of Bernie's hands. “Thank you, for everything, I do appreciate it.”

Bernie looked down at the floor. “I should be thanking you for such a lovel day,” she mumbled, then looking up to meet Serena's eyes she said, a little more strongly, “just let me know when you want......it.....back and I'll drop it over as soon as I can, okay?” She pulled her hand free and turned to walk to the door. She stopped and said over her shoulder, "you can ring me day or night, you know that right?”

Serena nodded and smiled. Bernie smiled in response and headed downstairs to collect her bag, coat and shoes before leaving the house and climbing into her car. She had to sit on the drive for a few minutes with her head resting on the steering wheel, breathing deeply. I have to get past this she thought, I will not jeopardise this friendship by acting on impulse. I won't look for anything more than being friends, she told herself. Shutting her mind to any other feelings was something she was remarkably good at.

When Serena awoke the next morning she was surprised that she'd managed to sleep at all, and that after a few hours sleep she did feel so much better. While she dressed she mused over yesterdays events. She smiled when she thought about how much fun Bernie had been during the day, and what a rock she had proved to be when the events of the evening had unfolded. In spite of all that had happened, Serena was feeling surprisingly upbeat and ready to take control again. By the time she arrived at work she had decided that when she saw Robbie tomorrow evening she would give him a copy of the birth certificate to see if his contacts could find anything out for her. It would prove to be a lot less time consuming than sitting in the library every Monday evening for god knows how long, under the slightly disapproving eye of Dorothy. She needed to resolve all of this as quickly as she could so that she could get on with the rest of her life, with or without a possible sister. She took some time before starting her rounds to text Bernie to thank her for her company and care yesterday, and to assure her she was feeling fine. She also asked her to make sure she had the certificate with her on Friday so that she could pop up to collect it.

After an uneventful day and night, thank goodness, it was on Friday, around lunchtime, that she walked back into the library that she had entered for the first time just a week ago. She saw Steve at the enquiry desk, and he beckoned her over.

“Bernie said you may be popping in, she's up in her office doing paperwork. She said for you to go right upstairs and knock on the door at the top, and she'll come and let you in.”

Serena smiled and went straight up and knocked on the door to the staff area. Bernie appeared almost immediately, smiling broadly as she spotted Serena peering through the glass window to the side and let her in, showing her through into the office. Serena raised her eyebrows at the mound of files and paper on her desk and Bernie looked a little sheepish as she pulled up a chair next to hers, for Serena.

“Yes, I can see you're appalled at all of this mess, but the NHS is not the only service that has to deal with reams of forms and reports you know. And yes, I _hate_ doing it so I put it off for as long as I can. You'd be amazed at how much you can bin without ever having had to respond.” Bernie laughed. “It works for me anyway, and by the end of the day I should be able to see at least half of my desk!”

Serena felt her teaching hat descend. “Maybe, just maybe, if you devoted a little more time each week to it, there might come a time when you could see all of your desk?”

Bernie channeled her inner child and stuck out her tongue, making Serena both smile and roll her eyes in despair. “Okay I get it, it's never going to happen!”

Bernie nodded. “Got it in one!” She then looked a little more serious. “Are you sure about taking the birth certificate with you?”

“Yes, I am. I've decided to take Robbie up on his very kind offer to help out, now that I have something a little more definite for him to work on. And I need to get it sorted as quickly as I can for my sanity, I don't want to spend every day agonising over the next move, and as I'm seeing Robbie tonight I thought I'd seize the day.”

Bernie nodded in agreement, but inside her stomach was twisting into knots. She had put all thoughts of Serena's date with Robbie to the back of her mind, and this now meant that she wouldn't be seeing Serena every Monday evening either. She turned to get her handbag out of the locker behind her and blinked furiously to stop her eyes from watering. When she was sure that no tears were going to fall she faced Serena again, the certificate in her hand.

“Actually, would I be able to get a photocopy while I'm here? Don't want to risk the original getting lost as it travels around untold offices in police headquarters.”

“Good thinking,” said Bernie. “Steve will do you a copy, just tell him I said 'mates rates!'” There was a moment or two of an awkward silence, and then Bernie looked back as the paperwork on her desk. “I do really need to get on with this...so would you mind awfully.....?”

“Oh, yes of course. Sorry if I've come at a difficult time.”

“No, it's just that I've promised to read a report and send a response by 2.30 today, and I'm not the worlds best typist.” Bernie now felt awful, making Serena feel as if she was in the way. But Serena still didn't move and it looked like she was struggling to say something. In the end her words came out in something of a rush. “I, er.. wondered if you might like to meet up with me and some of my work colleagues tomorrow for a drink or two, after I finish, about 7.00pm?”

“Well, yes, I'd love to, but are you sure you'll want me? I mean,” Bernie was feeling a little flustered, “maybe after tonight you'd rather ask Robbie instead?”

Serena stood up and patted Bernie's arm. “I asked you because I want you to meet my other friends from work. It's very early days with Robbie, I'm not sure we're a natural fit yet, whereas I think it's safe to say that you and I are?”

Serena hoped she hadn't overstepped the mark and was relieved to see a broad smile appear on Bernie's face.

“In that case I would be very pleased to accept your kind invitation, just text me a time and place and I'll be there.”

“Good” said Serena and with a quick squeeze of her hand she was gone.

Bernie sat at her desk, looking down over the library floor to spot Serena as she left. She was looking forward to seeing her again on Saturday, but she couldn't ignore the churning in her stomach when she thought of her with Robbie tonight. Images of her holding on to his arm, or patting his knee the way she had with Bernie yesterday were bad enough, but they were quickly replaced with pictures in her head of Serena in Robbie's arms, Robbie kissing her, Robbie......

“NO!” Bernie shouted in anguish, standing up suddenly to try and shake herself free of her over-active imagination. “Stop this..now!”

“Are you alright Bernie?” asked Tracy, one of the relief workers at the library who had just come upstairs for her lunch, and had been startled by her outburst.

Bernie jumped and blushed. “Yes, I'm fine....sorry if I surprised you. I've just had enough of all this....paperwork,” and she pointed to the desk. “Think I need to take a break,” and she sped down the stairs going out of the back door of the library, where she leant against the wall and sighed. It was going to seem a long time until tomorrow evening.

Once Serena got home and had made herself some lunch, she sat down and forced herself to look at the birth certificate properly. There it was, in black and white

Mother : Adrienne McKinnie

Father : blank - did that mean she didn't know the father or that she hadn't wanted him to have anything to do with the child?

Child : Female

Name : Marjorie Anne McKinnie

D.O.B 12th December 1961.

Serena shook her head, still finding it hard to believe that her mother, who had always nagged Serena about good behaviour and doing the right thing, being able to hold her head up with pride had had what she would have called, such a fall from grace herself. Maybe that was why she had always been so hard on Serena, not wanting her to make a similar mistake. She obviously had told her father about it though, and she wondered if he'd ever encouraged her mother to try and find her. These were questions she would never know the answers to, but she was determined to at least try and stretch out her hand to this woman, wherever she may be.

After resting for an hour or two she started to get ready for her date with Robbie, and as she had already agreed that he could pick her up from her home this time, she didn't feel so much under pressure as she had last week when she was relying on a taxi to get her to Albies on time. But when the doorbell rang at 7.00pm she had been ready for about 30 minutes and was beginning to get butterflies in her stomach.

Robbie smiled as she opened the door and offered her his arm to escort her to the car, before walking round to slip into the driver's seat. He leaned across to plant a kiss on her cheek. “Ms Campbell, you look positively ravishing, I have been looking forward to this all week.”

Serena smiled. “Why thank you kind sir,” she said coquettishly, “am I allowed to know where we are going this evening?”

“Well, I'm hoping you like Indian food?” Serena nodded. “Thank goodness for that,” he said. “Just give me one minute and we'll get going.” He pulled out his phone and sent off a quick text before he put his seat belt on and started the car. Serena was puzzled, but decided not to say anything.

It wasn't long before Robbie was escorting Serena into an award winning restaurant in the centre of Holby. After being shown to their table and they had ordered their food and had their drinks delivered, Serena decided she had to ask what was on her mind.

“I know it's really none of my business, but I'm intrigued to know why you had to send a text just after I had agreed to an Indian meal?”

Robbie grinned at her and looked slightly embarrassed. “Rumbled! Ah, well, because I hadn't asked you previously if you had a preference for a particular cuisine, I made reservations at 4 different restaurants, and I'd left the numbers and names of each one with a buddy of mine. As soon as you had said yes to this place I simply texted the word 'Indian' to him, and hopefully he's got in touch with all the others to cancel the reservations.”

Serena looked at him. “That was very resourceful of you, but wouldn't it have been simpler just to ring or text me in advance to check?”

Robbie chuckled. “That did occur to me, but a little late in the day, so I decided to stick with my original plan. So, how has your week been, did you get anywhere, looking for your sister?” Serena told him briefly about what had happened with Bernie on Wednesday evening and took the copy she had had made, out of her handbag.”I was hoping that now that I've got a little more to go on, that I could take you up on your kind offer of asking someone you know to help? It's a bit of a cheek, I do realise but...”

Robbie put his hand over hers and took the certificate. “I'd be happy to see if I can help, I'll let you know if there's nothing I can do, but fingers crossed. Although I'm not sure how long it may take.”

“That's fine, I've survived this long, so a few more weeks won't matter.”

As the evening wore on Serena acknowledged that she was enjoying Robbie's company. It was very flattering to have someone look at her with such appreciation as Robbie had been for most of the time, but she had to admit to herself that she hadn't got that excited churning feeling in her stomach that she thought she might have. Maybe I've been off the dating scene too long, she thought, and at my time of life maybe I'll have to settle for not getting that rush of desire I remember only too well. She decided that having the earth shake beneath her feet was probably a thing of the past. Lost in her own thoughts she suddenly realised Robbie was speaking to her.

“Serena, are you okay? I must be riveting company if you can switch off like that.” Robbie sounded hurt and Serena was full of apologies.

“No, no....I've just had a rather emotional week, and I'm sorry, you don't deserve to be spending your time with someone who is so wrapped up in herself as I am at the moment.” Robbie's face softened and he reached across the table to stroke her arm. “What do you say to going somewhere a little quieter to talk, I know a little pub not too far away that is very conducive to quiet conversations.”

Serena shook her head. “I have a better idea, come back to mine and we can have a coffee and a chat there....if that's okay?”

“More than okay” said Robbie, and he signalled to the waiter for the bill.

Forty minutes later, Serena was opening her front door and ushering Robbie inside. She showed him into the lounge and then she went into the kitchen to put the coffee machine on. As she turned to go and get two pods to put into it she was startled to find Robbie standing right behind her and as she faltered he gathered her into his arms and pressed his lips to hers in an urgent kiss. She recoiled, slightly in surprise, and he pulled away, looking at her intently.

“I, er...I need to put the pods in the machine,” she stuttered, but Robbie reached behind her and switched the machine off. “Coffee can wait don't you think?” he said thickly.

Suddenly his mouth was back on hers, but more gently this time and as she relaxed slightly she brought her arms up to encircle his waist. Then his tongue was pushing against her lips, and she allowed him entry, her tongue in turn hesitantly responding. Moments later they broke apart again, and Serena was panting, trying to get her breath.

“You are so sexy” said Robbie, “I can't get enough of you,” and before Serena could react he had gathered up into his arms and was carrying her into the lounge, where he lay her down gently onto the sofa before resuming his assault on her mouth. Serena was having trouble evaluating just what was happening. This was certainly escalating faster than she had considered. It was not unpleasant but she was having no real feeling or desire to take this further. She found the weight of him almost on top of her was stifling, and was relieved when he propped himself up on one arm as he moved his mouth away from her lips to her neck, and his other hand moved to cup one of her breasts, squeezing and kneading, his mouth moving ever lower towards her cleavage. Serena suddenly felt panic rising from her stomach as she tried to move and found she didn't have the strength to push him away. His tongue was now back in her mouth and she was twisting her head to try to get free so that she could say something, anything. His hands had wandered to her legs and one of them was stroking her thigh, gradually moving higher. With a final effort she managed to unpin one of her arms and she grasped a handful of his hair and pulled sharply backwards which made him move away in surprise.

“Stop!” she almost shouted, “let me up, please.” For a split second she thought he was going to ignore her as he started to lean forwards again, so she twisted her body to the side as best she could and said again, “No, Robbie! You need to stop this, right now, before it gets any more out of hand.”

This time he pulled right back and moved sideways so that she was able to struggle up and put her feet on the floor. He rubbed his hand through his hair, and without looking at her he put his head in his hands. “Im sorry, I thought this was what you wanted....you asked me back here, you returned my kiss, I thought you were ready for it, we're not exactly inexperienced in the ways of the world are we?”

“ I asked you back for coffee and a chat if I remember rightly, and that's what I meant. I barely know you, certainly not well enough to dash headlong into a relationship that ends up in my bed on the second date. I think you'd better go.”

“Do you really expect me to believe that you don't know just how sexy you are? I thought you were from the first time I saw you, you exude this come and get me air with all your flirting”

Serena was astounded. He seemed to be almost justifying his actions by saying it was her fault for leading him on.

“Whatever you think of me, you cannot just force yourself on me like that. I am sorry if kissing you back led you to think that I wanted more, but you need to understand I'm past the age where a one night stand has any appeal. I would like you to leave, now.”

Robbie stood up and picked up his jacket and had the good grace to look slightly ashamed, but his words didn't sound as if he was.

“I accept that I've misread things here tonight and for that I'm sorry. I still believe that we'd be good together, but I can see that you're not in that place at the moment. I will still see what I can find out about your sister, but after that I'll leave it up to you about contacting me again. And you need to watch that flirting and touching you do, it might get you into trouble one day.”

And Robbie turned on his heels and went out of the door.

Serena sat down, surprised to find herself shaking. She knew she hadn't handled things very well and wanted to talk things over with someone, and before she knew what she was doing she had her phone in her hand and was ringing Bernie. When she answered, she sounded surprised. “Hi Serena, are you alright? Didn't think I'd be hearing from you tonight.”

Serena had only intended to just chat for a few minutes to ground herself but when she heard Bernie's voice, something snapped and she started to cry.

Bernie was on her feet in a flash, running around gathering her coat and shoes and car keys as she was speaking. “Serena, what's wrong, what's happened, where are you?” When Serena didn't answer she started to panic. “Serena, tell me where you are. Serena... Please!

In between sobs, Serena managed to say, “Home.....I'm at home.”

“Don't worry, I'm just getting in the car I'll be over in 10 minutes. Are you alone?”

Serena was slowly regaining control, “I'm alone,...(sob).....I'm sorry,....(sob) I don't even know why....(sniff)..I'm crying.”

“Don't hang up, I'm not far away now, I'll tell you when I'm there so that you only open the door to me. I'll be there soon.”

In about 5 minutes Bernie pulled onto the drive in front of Serena's house, and grabbed her phone to tell Serena she was just outside. As she climbed out of the car Serena opened the front door and as Bernie reached her, she flung her arms around her neck and they stood there for a few seconds before Bernie gradually eased herself inside and shut the door behind them.

Serena's breathing was still very ragged, and Bernie helped her into the lounge and they sat together on the sofa, Bernie cradling Serena in her arms, rocking slightly as if trying to calm a child. “It's okay now, I'm here, I've got you,” she murmured.

Serena gradually calmed down, feeling much safer and more grounded in Bernie's presence. Bernie gradually took her arms from around Serena's waist and held her hand in hers. After a couple of minutes Bernie asked Serena if she wanted to talk about it and Serena haltingly described what had happened and how she'd felt up until the time Robbie had left.

“I don't know why I had such an extreme reaction to the situation.” Serena said. “I've dealt with far worse before, and never felt as vulnerable as I did tonight. And he's right, I do flirt, it's how I survived some of the difficult times, it made me feel good when I realised that men still found me desirable. Maybe Robbie was right, I did lead him on, gave him all the wrong signals.” Serena's voice wobbled again.

Bernie was seething inside. She desperately tried to keep her voice steady as she spoke.

“Serena, you didn't do anything wrong. Whatever his expectations were, he had no right to force them on you without checking if it was what you wanted. I don't care that in the end he saw reason, it should never have reached a point where you felt under threat.”

Serena looked at Bernie and gave her a grateful smile.

“So you don't think I'm a washed-up, mid-life, menopausal has-been then?”

Bernie looked at Serena and shook her head. “You are bloody marvellous, and don't let anyone into your life who thinks of you differently, do you hear?” and she let go of her hand and pulled her towards her arms so that she could give her a proper hug.

Serena leant her head on Bernie's shoulder and whispered “Thank you”

“You're welcome” she replied.

The next few minutes resembled a re-enactment of Wednesday evening, with Serena going upstairs to get ready for bed, while Bernie went to make her a hot chocolate drink. When she arrived at Serena's bedroom she caught her breath as she saw the slight curve of a breast and the smooth expanse of her back as she slipped on her pyjama top. With a pounding heart Bernie took a step back and counted to ten before she re-entered the room, knocking on the door to alert Serena. She was just getting into bed and she looked up and gave Bernie such a warm smile that Bernie's stomach turned a somersault and she nearly stumbled. She handed Serena the mug and was about to say goodbye when Serena noticed something.

“Oh my god Bernie you're in your pyjamas?! How did I not notice until now?”

Bernie blushed, “Sorry, you sounded so upset that I didn't want to waste any time getting here, so I figured with my shoes and jacket, and being in the car, it didn't really matter.”

“Come here, you, you idiot,” said Serena and she crawled to the end of the bed to grab Bernie's hand and pull her down to sit on the bed. “How did I get lucky enough to meet you?” And she pulled Bernie into an awkward embrace, as Bernie tried hard to keep her breathing even, while being pressed close to someone she was rapidly developing strong feelings for.

“I...I should go,” stammered Bernie.

“You don't have to, it's late, you could sleep here, Elinor's bed is ready, you could get straight into it.”

Bernie could feel her face burning and was thankful for the very dim light of the lamp in the bedroom

“No, I should go, I don't have a change of clothes for tomorrow, so if you're feeling okay, I'll head home.” and Bernie got to her feet.

Serena really wanted Bernie to stay, but didn't know how to ask, as she seemed uncomfortable and on edge. “Okay, I can see you need to go. Will you ring me when you get home, so I know you're safe? And you will still come for that drink tomorrow, yes?”

Bernie nodded. “Looking forward to it.”

Serena held her hand, and impulsively brought it up to her lips. “You're so good to me, I don't know what I've done to deserve you. Thank you again. Maybe I'll get to return the favour one day.”

Serena let go of Bernie's hand and watched her as she left, feeling as if she was taking a bit of her away with her. She lay back against the pillows, reaching for the now, quite cool, hot chocolate. She still couldn't explain to herself what had happened, how she had reacted to everything. But she felt as if something had changed, that there had been a shift in herself that she didn't yet understand. As she lay down to try and get some sleep before she had to get up for work tomorrow, her thoughts were all of Bernie.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope that didn't make you feel too uncomfortable. Fingers crossed we won't see too much more of Mr Metcalfe.  
> Thank you once again for all your lovely comments, and to everyone who leaves Kudos. I know everyone says the same, but believe me it really does have an impact on the desire to continue especially as thing are still so much up in the air for our ladies. Great to hear the news today that Catherine is back at Elstree......fingers crossed for some great storylines ahead. (and that Jemma may make a cameo appearance at some point)


	7. Awakenings

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Serena has some bad news and Bernie is struggling to cope. Hang in there, the slow burn is almost over....

 

Chapter 7

 

Awakenings

 

 

Steve had been watching Bernie a lot today. She was making him feel on edge. No matter where he was, manning the enquiry desk, replacing books on the shelves or even on a break, there she was, hovering as if she wanted to ask him a question, and all the time grinning like a Cheshire cat. However, every time he looked questioningly at her she would duck her head, and then walk away. With the customers too, she wasn't really giving them attention she normally did and he saw her on at least two occasions look at her watch, as if an enquiry was taking too long Finally he could take it no longer and when she appeared at the door of the staff room while Steve was on his lunch break, he put his book down and stared at her.

“For goodness sake Bernie, what is wrong with you today? You're acting like a cat on a hot tin roof! If you've got something you need to say then please just say it........what is going on?”

Bernie turned slightly pink and sat down on one of the chairs.

“Umm....sorry, I wanted to ask...oh....I wanted to ask if you'd be okay if I left an hour early at 4.00pm? And I know that means that you might miss your connection with the Metro in town.......so if that's going to be a big problem then just say.”

Steve exhaled slowly. "Is that all this is? I was convinced that you were going to tell me that you'd got to let me go, as the council needed to make even more cuts! He shrugged his shoulders and said with a smile, “You're the boss, if you need to leave early then do, you don't need my permission. You often work over so I'm sure you're entitled to take an hour back here and there.”

“Yes, but being a boss means you shouldn't take advantage of your position just to skive off. It's not like it's a life or death situation.”

Steve grinned. “So what is the occasion then, if you don't mind me asking?”

Bernie went a bit pink, again. “I've been invited to go and meet some work colleagues of a friend, and I was hoping to have chance to shower and get ready without having to rush.”

Steve could tell that Bernie was feeling a bit embarrassed and decided to tease her a little. “Ooh....interesting. Let me guess...could it be Serena's work colleagues?”

“What makes you think that?” Bernie asked defensively.

“Well, the fact that getting ready to go out, for you, normally involves little more than a quick shower, letting your hair dry naturally and throwing on whatever clothes are clean and ironed!” Steve laughed. “And the really ironic thing is that you still manage to look better than most who have spent hours getting ready.”

Bernie glared at him and was about to deny it, but instead she sighed. “That obvious eh?”

“Probably only to someone who knows you quite well,” he said. “Anyway, it shouldn't really matter who you fancy......should it?”

Bernie looked at him. “ Who said anything about fancying......well...perhaps not....but things are a little more awkward when the object of your affection happens to be a dyed in the wool heterosexual. And I value her friendship above anything else , so I intend to make sure I don't mess that up by losing control. But I do want her to think I've made an effort, that I want to get on with her other friends.”

Steve looked fondly at her and thought how it was about time she found someone who made her happy. “Then go with my blessing, and Bernie..?” She turned and   looked at him inquiringly before she left, “Don't give up hope, for most people it's about the person, nothing else.”

She smiled gratefully at him, “Thanks. I promise I won't moan next time you want to leave early on a Monday.” 

"Don't think I won't hold you to that Ms Wolfe," he shouted to her retreating back.

Serena had also had her own problems regarding this evening. She hadn't wanted to take a complete change of clothes with her, knew that she would get ribbed by a couple of people if she did, but also hadn't wanted to risk meeting Bernie wearing clothes that bore traces of patients' bodily fluids. She had finally admitted to herself that she would have to bite the bullet and wear scrubs for most of the day. She shuddered. She hated those scrubs with a vengeance, always making her aware of the extra weight she carried on her hips and thighs. For a brief moment she let her mind wander to thinking how Bernie would look in them. She groaned. Bloody fantastic is how she'd look, with that slim lithe body. Not that she'd stared at her figure, well not that much, she justified to herself. It's just that with her skin tight jeans and fitted shirts and tops that she wore, it was impossible not to be aware of her seemingly perfect proportions. Serena shook her head, focus, she thought.....scrubs are the only way to go.

It was now 6.00pm and Serena was very glad she hadn't worn her own clothes all day. It hadn't been that hectic, but she had encountered two or three people who were, for various reasons, having trouble keeping the contents of their stomachs inside their body and the need to get changed was now very pressing. She was just about to head for the locker room to change when Raf popped his head round the door to her office. Serena groaned. “Oh no, please tell me there's not an RTC on it's way up..please?”

“Er, no Ms Campbell, just someone to see you that's all.” And he stood to one side to reveal Bernie hovering behind him, looking very apologetic.

“I'm really sorry I'm so early, I miscalculated how long it would take me to walk here, I must walk faster than I thought.” She took in how unsettled Serena appeared to be and continued, “I can easily wait downstairs at the coffee place if it's inconvenient.”

Serena groaned inwardly, but managed to put a smile on her face and beckoned her in to sit at the empty desk opposite her own. “It's fine, it's just not what I'd planned to be wearing when we met up this evening. I apologise for this attire,.......I don't feel,.....oh..... I fucking hate my scrubs!”

Bernie blinked in surprise at Serena's outburst. “I didn't realise that being early would be that much of a problem. I don't like hanging around when I'm ready, so I just set off. I am sorry.” Bernie now felt uncomfortable and her face showed it.

Immediately Serena felt awful for upsetting her, and she moved around the desk to perch on it next to Bernie. “Oh, no, I'm sorry, that was mean of me to sound so put out. It's just that, I didn't want....you to see me in these, because they make me feel.....less that attractive. Frumpy and fat if I'm being honest.”

Bernie's eyes widened in amazement. “What? You have got to be kidding me? You have the most...” and here Bernie's brain finally decided to engage, in time to stop her from saying 'sexy', but then left her scrabbling to find a word to replace it that wouldn't sound too intimate. “the most...shapely figure, with curves in all the right places. I have often wished mine had a bit more padding to it.”

Serena had coloured slightly at Bernie's words, but when she heard her disparaging her own body, it was her turn to leap in, _her_ brain similarly oblivious to what was coming out of her mouth.

“Now you're being ridiculous, I mean just for starters your......” and it wasn't until this point, that her brain convinced her it would not be appropriate to say 'your backside is so perfect' and like Bernie was panicking trying to find a way out of it......”your ability to look good in leggings makes me very jealous.”

Both of them felt mentally exhausted after this little exchange and Serena stood up. “I suppose we all think there's something of ourselves that we would change if we could. Just hang on here for a few minutes while I get ready, and we can walk over to Albies together.”

As she closed the door behind her Bernie put her head in her hands. 'Shit, I need to keep my wits about me tonight. Mental note to self. Don't drink too much'.

Twenty minutes later they were walking over to the bar, and the rest of the AAU team promised they'd be there shortly. Serena explained there there would probably be a lot more Holby staff there as well, not just from AAU. "It's something of a tradition that we congregate there at the end of the week, with a few exceptions"

“I'm sure that the management of Albies is very grateful to you all. Sounds as if they do very well out of Holby Hospital personnel drinking themselves into oblivion every Friday night” joked Bernie.

Serena stopped and looked at Bernie with a less than friendly stare.

“You don't have any idea of the level of stress that comes with jobs like ours, do you? What it feels like when you've spent maybe 3 or 4 days nursing someone, watching them get progressively weaker and there's nothing you can do, except hold their hand at the very end of their life, often with no-one in the world but you by their side. Or how scary it is spending hours in surgery with your hands inside someones body, trying desperately to find out where all the blood is coming from, doing all you can to preserve a limb, a life? Small wonder then at the end of a bad day or week we choose to do something that helps us forget that today was crap, and that you were no use at all..”

Bernie stood there, her mind in shock at this tirade, and tried to form the words to say I'm sorry, but no sound came out of her mouth. She turned her head to the side, blinking rapidly to dispel the tears that threatened to fall, and failed, with some trickling down as she turned to walk away.

“Bernie,.....where..where are you going, please, don't go?” Serena had seen the wetness on Bernie's cheeks as she'd turned away and cursed herself inwardly for being so insensitive. She caught her arm to pull her back towards her. Bernie allowed her to, and finally found her voice. “I didn't think......I wasn't thinking clearly. I was just trying to.....make conversation, a joke...I don't know. I realise that it sounded flippant...or uncaring, but I would never...ever...belittle what you do." She looked at Serena sadly,  "I think I'd better go.... I wouldn't fit in....I'm sorry.” And choking back a sob she turned on her heels and strode away.

'Bernie...no......stop...Stop!!” and Serena was running after her, trying to catch her up, finally managing to catch hold of the sleeve of her coat, which threw Bernie off balance enough that she had to slow down. Serena threw herself in front of Bernie hanging on to her coat in desperation.

“Please, it's me who should be saying sorry, I should never have spoken to you like that. I....I don't know why I did, why I sounded so bitter. Please, please.... don't go...I want you to...I need you to stay.”

Bernie didn't answer, but didn't move either, standing with her head bowed down to the ground, refusing to look at Serena. With her hands either side of the front of Bernie's coat Serena drew her closer and looked up so that she could see her eyes. She saw such pain and hurt there that her heart felt as if it was being squeezed dry.

“Oh, Bernie, I'm so, so sorry. Please forgive me. I know you'd never be cruel like that.......I don't know how to put this right.....I couldn't bear it if you walked away..” and Serena brought her hand up to wipe away the trail of tears on Bernie's cheek. She gently moved so that her face was resting against Bernie's, and she could feel the wetness there.

Bernie's heart was hammering in her chest and once again she found herself robbed of the power of speech, and felt Serena gradually let go of the hold she had on her. Serena was praying that Bernie wouldn't take flight. She took a small step back and put out her hand in a gesture of friendship. “Truce?” she whispered. Bernie brought her hand up to grasp Serena's, and she too murmured “Truce.” They stood there for what seemed eons, still holding hands, gazing into each others eyes, when they heard the chatter of voices in the distance heading their way. Serena started, and they both loosed hold of the others hand.

“Good grief, that sounds like them,” Serena said. “Quickly, I promised I'd have saved some seats _and_ got a round of drinks in by now.” She gave Bernie a nervous look, “You will come, won't you?” Bernie nodded briefly and they both hurried around the corner and into the bar.

By the time the others arrived, Bernie was sitting at a table in the corner and Serena was standing, waiting to be served. Fletcher and Morven went to sit with Bernie and Raf went to help Serena carry the drinks back. Everyone seemed to be talking at once and Bernie was feeling slightly left out, when Serena moved into the seat next to her and gently patted and then stroked her thigh as a gesture of comfort. She then leant across to Fletcher and asked if he had a photo of his family with him, that she could show to Bernie, and he duly obliged. She handed it to Bernie, telling her all their names and pointed out Evie who had, at the age of 12, already decided she wanted to be a surgeon like Serena. Bernie then started to talk to Fletch about how he had coped with the death of his wife, and then in turn found out how Raf had been a wonderful friend and offered them all a home when things got difficult financially. Bernie looked around at them as they sat talking and laughing and thought how like a family it was with Serena as the matriarch, loving, and kind, but firm. And it was easy to see how much they loved and respected her.

She carried on her conversation with Fletch, asking how he managed during holidays like the coming half term and encouraged him to bring his brood along to the library next Wednesday when they were having some Halloween activities and stories for children.

Serena had been watching her chat with her colleagues, and felt a rush of affection for her, knowing that any type of social interaction that was not work, didn't come easily, and therefore how much effort she was making for her sake. She hadn't realised how much she had been staring at her until Raf made her jump by nudging her with his elbow. She turned to him and saw he was looking bemused.

“There are other people here tonight besides your local friendly librarian you know? Sacha has tried to get your attention on more than one occasion, but you only seem to have eyes for a certain blonde.”

Serena felt herself blush. “What!...No..no, it's just we had a few words before we got here...entirely my fault..and I just wanted to make sure she's alright about it.” Raf widened his eyes in surprise. “Did I hear the great Serena Campbell just admit that something might be _her_ fault? And here's me thinking pigs can't fly! She looks as if she's coping to me so I think you could take your eyes off her for a second or two.”

Serena groaned. “Is it that obvious that I find her so.......captivating?" Raf shrugged his shoulders and smiled, putting his hand over hers. "Seriously Raf, I don't know what's happening to me, my emotions are all over the place.....the menopause has a lot to answer for.”

Raf put his arm around Serena's waist and pulled her close for a cuddle. “You might want to consider that Fletch looks like he's finding her every bit as captivating as you do.” Serena put her head on Raf's shoulder. "Stop teasing me!" 

Considering how closely Serena had been studying Bernie up to this point, it was surprising that she missed Bernie's frown when she saw Raf cuddling her. She had felt her stomach tighten as his arm curled around Serena. Did they have a history, she wondered, their closeness seemed to indicate it was more than just a work colleague relationship. Or as usual was she just over-thinking this, seeing things that weren't there creeping in because of her growing feelings for Serena.

And although she was getting rather tired, she was determined not to be the first to leave, not to give Serena the impression she was running off because of their earlier altercation.

About ten minutes later Fletch announced he was going to get back to the kids, and as he went out of the door Raf and Morven went up to the bar to get more drinks in. Serena slid closer to Bernie, and put her hand on her leg again. “Are we...okay?” she asked hesitantly. Bernie met her gaze. “I don't know,...are we?”

Serena closed her eyes in frustration. “ We need to get of here, go somewhere we can talk.....yes?” Bernie nodded, “Yes.”

They walked back to the hospital car park and they decided that Serena would drive Bernie home and then hopefully be able to talk things through.

The journey was made in complete silence, neither of them wanting to say something that could get misconstrued whilst Serena was driving. Once inside Bernie's flat, they went into the lounge, and Bernie asked Serena if she would like a drink. “I don't have any Shiraz, but I've got a bottle of a perfectly respectable red I think you'd like?” Serena shook her head. “I think I need my wits about me, I haven't exactly been thinking straight this evening as it is.”

Bernie nodded, and gestured for Serena to sit on the small sofa she had, she remained standing, not trusting herself to sit next to her at the moment.

Silence descended once again, neither of them sure about what the other was thinking to risk being the first one to speak.

Serena suddenly leaned forward, putting her head in her hands and sighed. “I've really buggered things up, haven't I? Please, please believe me when I tell you that I have no idea what triggered that response. I mean, I meant what I said but what you said, I _know_ was not said maliciously, and certainly did not warrant that level of bitterness. It wasn't as if I can use the excuse of it being an awful day......I just couldn't stop once I'd started.”

Bernie went to say something but Serena carried on. “I'm not trying to justify what I said, but I want to try and explain some things. I don't feel in control at the moment, of my life...of my feelings. So much has happened since my mother died and the whole pattern of the way I live has changed in ways I never imagined. I know I hurt you, and for that I am genuinely sorry.” And Serena stood up quickly and went over to where Bernie was standing and pulled her into a warm hug, her arms snaking around Bernie's waist, and Bernie responded her arms circling Serena's back and shoulders. They stood, a moment frozen in time, both relishing the closeness of their bodies and the natural bond that they seemed to have.

“I value your friendship so much,” murmured Serena into Bernie's neck, “I don't want my stupid behaviour to affect us.”

Bernie dropped her head down so that her mouth was close to Serena's ear. “It won't, I too would feel lost without you as a friend.”

After what felt like hours, but in reality was no more than a minute or two, they slowly relinquished their hold on each other and moved apart.

“I should go,” said Serena, and, although it was the last thing she wanted, Bernie nodded and said “Okay.” As Serena turned to pick up her bag, Bernie spoke again.

“I..er, know that you won't be coming to the Family history thing again at the moment, but I wondered if you still might want to grab something to eat after I finish? You know, save me from evil take-aways?” she said with a small smile. Serena's eyes lit up. “Oh, yes, I'd love that.” Bernie looked relieved. “This time I'll drive _you_ home afterwards, if that suits you?”

Serena nodded, still smiling, and Bernie walked with her to the door of the flat. They stood in the doorway for a moment, and then Serena darted forward and placed a chaste kiss against Bernie's cheek, blushing furiously as she did. “Thank you” she said, and then turned around and walked quickly to her car without looking back. “You're welcome” Bernie whispered as she closed the door and leant against it with her eyes closed letting herself imagine those soft lips pressed to her own. She took a deep shuddering breath, wondering how long she could kid herself that she would be happy with a platonic friendship.

Monday morning rolled around far too quickly for both of them, neither wanting to get out of bed, but both of them looking forward to the evening and their meal together.

Steve had tried to quiz Bernie about her 'date' with Serena on Saturday, but was disappointed when she had shut him down fairly quickly. “I know you mean well Steve, but things really aren't how you imagine. We are friends... good friends, but _not_ friends with benefits.” Steve persisted. “But you do **like** her don't you?” Bernie sighed. “I want her as a friend, and won't jeopardise that. Please, no more supposition.” So Steve bowed out of the conversation, wishing he could help in some way, but recognised that Bernie was doing what she always did, putting others' well-being before her own happiness.

Serena too was getting her fair share of questions, but they were primarily from Fletcher and definitely had a different slant.

“That friend of yours....Bernie was it? She seemed really nice and I couldn't help notice is how attractive she is. And that figure, not bad for her age I'd say.”

Serena's eyebrows nearly flew off the top of her head. “Careful, Nurse Fletcher. She's the same age as me, and I would be very annoyed to hear someone saying I was good for my age.” Fletcher could not fail to detect the icy tone and swallowed nervously, but ploughed on regardless. “Is she seeing anyone at the moment, do you know?”

Serena's face relaxed slightly, but still wasn't going to let him off the hook. “Well, I don't believe she is romantically involved with anyone at the moment, but do I think she's looking for a toy boy? That's a tough one. Would you like me to ask her if she's available to date a slightly younger man with 4 children?" Serena shook her head slightly, "Get real Fletch, and don't let me hear you repeating anything remotely about Ms Wolfe to anyone else, understand?” Fletcher nodded and mumbled his apologies as he stumbled away.

It turned out it was just as well that Serena didn't have to be at the library as early as last week, as a wall collapsing onto a group of people waiting for a bus had caused a major incident and Serena and her team had been in and out of theatre for most of the day, with mixed results. When she arrived at the library at about 7.00pm, Bernie took one look at her as she approached the enquiry desk and knew that today had been rough. She gave Bernie a smile and then immediately yawned. Bernie steered her away from the desk and over to the room where they had the Readers Circle meeting. “You look like it's been a hard day,” she said. “If you'd rather just go home that's fine.” “Oh, and she tells me this after I've just walked here because someone else is due to drive me home,” joked Serena. “I'm too tired to cook anything and I'd probably just go home and drink too much before falling into bed.”

“How about a compromise then. I could order a take out to pick up on the way back to your house, and then you can collapse into bed when you've eaten your fill?”

“Are you sure? You'll come as well won't you, even though it will be the dreaded fast food you're trying to avoid?”

Bernie grinned, “It doesn't taste so bad when you're sharing with someone. Is Chinese alright?” Serena nodded, “As long as it's not sweet and sour anything.”

Bernie switched on a couple of the wall lights in the room. “Look, why don't you sit down in here until I'm finished? I'll pull the door closed and if you want you can put your head down on the table for a power nap.” Serena sank down onto one of the chairs and smiled her thanks. When Bernie had gone, she reached into her bag and brought out her tablet. She could put the time until the library closed to good use by plotting the work rotas for the next month.

About 30 minutes later as the library doors opened, Bernie glanced up and her eyes narrowed with displeasure as she recognised the bulky figure of Robbie Metcalfe. She didn't have any grounds for refusing him entry, but every fibre of her being wanted to kick his butt straight out of the doors again. He walked over to her, smiling. “Good evening Ms Wolfe, looking as attractive as ever I see. That blouse certainly suits your figure.”

Bernie's eyes narrowed even more and her hands clenched into fists, but she managed to keep her voice neutral. “Mr Metcalfe..how can we help you this evening?”

“Well, to be honest I was rather hoping to catch Serena. Thought she might still be here if she had decided to carry on looking into her family tree.”

Bernie became concerned when she saw Serena appear at the door between the community room and the library. Robbie continued speaking. “I've got some information for her that she's quite anxious to find out about. Still, not to worry I can always drop it down to her home.”

Serena's voice rang out through the quiet library. “You haven't missed me...I'm here.”

Robbie turned around to where Serena was standing, and Bernie strode over to her, wanting to physically make her presence known to him as he sauntered across. “I presume you have some news then, of my sister? The fact that it's been so quick tells me it isn't good news.” Robbie nodded, and handed her the envelope. “It's all in there.”

Serena looked at him as she reached for both the envelope and she moved her other hand to intertwine her fingers with Bernie's.

She took a deep breath before speaking. “She's dead isn't she?”

Robbie nodded, “I'm sorry.”

Serena tightened her grip on Bernie's hand. “Thank you, I'm grateful to you for this. Do I owe you anything?

Robbie shook his head. “It's fine. If you ever want to talk you know where to find me.” He turned to Bernie. “I won't be attending the reading group on Friday, for reasons I'm sure Serena has already shared with you, given the icy stare you've treated to ever since I walked in here. And I wouldn't want Ms Campbell to feel uncomfortable either.” He smiled at Serena and left.

Bernie looked at her, her hand still being held tightly. “You okay?” she asked softly. Serena nodded and handed the envelope to her. “We'll talk about it when we get to mine.” and she went back into the room to collect her things together.

Thirty minutes later they were pulling onto Serena's drive and ten minutes after that they were eating Egg Foo Yung, a chinese vegetable omelette that Bernie hoped would not be too indigestible for Serena, who clearly was not that interested in food at the moment. They weren't saying much, the envelope lying on the coffee table in front of them, where they could both see it, inserting a brooding presence over them both. After they'd both eaten enough Bernie took their plates into the kitchen, and when she returned Serena was opening it, her hands trembling slightly. Bernie sat down next to her and noting Serena's nervousness she slid her arm around her shoulders, as she tipped the contents onto the table. Robbie had been able to provide Serena with the details of the adoption agency, a marriage certificate, a death certificate and the name of the cemetery where she was buried. Serena read them all and her breath caught in her throat a couple of times, but overall she managed to remain composed. She leant her head on Bernie's shoulder and sighed. “It's hard to get upset over someone you never knew, but I do feel sad, and angry, because I was robbed of the opportunity to ever know her. It's odd that this is someone who I never knew existed until 2 weeks ago who was never part of my life, and yet now that's she's never going to be, has created a sort of void where there hadn't even been any space.” She tilted her head back to look at Bernie. “Am I making any sense at all?”

“Yes, of course you are. I'm really sorry it's ended like this.” Serena sighed again. “It says where she's buried, I know it won't change anything, but I'd really like to go, and....would you be able to....?”

“Of course I will. How about Wednesday afternoon?” suggested Bernie. “I can't manage the morning this week because of the Halloween activity, sorry.”

“Wednesday afternoon is fine, more than fine really,......you're so kind to me.”

Bernie smiled, and stood up.

“Right, unless you have anything you really want or need to do, I recommend an early night. If you go up now, I'll fulfil my recurring role as your butler and bring you up a hot chocolate, or maybe a glass of something a little stronger?

Serena laughed. “Surely you mean my French maid, rather than butler?” and then felt mortified as she saw Bernie's face flush with embarrassment. She continued quickly, “I think I'd prefer something stronger tonight, but......you don't need to bother yourself, I'm quite capable of managing....I'm fine, honestly.”

Bernie attempted to recover herself and looked at Serena sternly. “You were shattered when you arrived at the library and with everything that's happened since, I'm worried you'll just sit here and gradually drink your way through a whole bottle of wine and then just collapse here when sleep overtook you. Indulge me, I need to know you're okay,...safe.” Serena rolled her eyes but pushed herself up from the sofa and headed for the stairs. “Give me about 10 minutes?” Bernie nodded and set about getting rid of the food containers and popped the plates they'd used into the dishwasher. She collected her bag and coat and put them by the front door before she poured a glass of wine for Serena, and then took a couple of mouthfuls herself as she went upstairs, knocking briefly on the bedroom door. Once again the sight of Serena devoid of make-up, hair brushed and her skin glowing from the shower, took her breath away. She walked over to the bed and placed the glass of wine down next to her. Before she could move away Serena grabbed hold of her lower arm and pulled her down to sit on the bed next to her. She paused for a moment before speaking.

“I can't get over how much you're doing for _me_. The customer satisfaction surveys for library staff must show a very high score if you're anything to go by,” she said jokingly, trying not to make Bernie feel too uncomfortable. “I would be totally lost if it wasn't for the way you have supported me through all of this.”

Bernie blushed and shook her head, making her hair look even more out of control than usual. “Rubbish, any one of your friends from the hospital would help you in an instant if you asked them.” She dropped her head unable to look Serena in the eyes.

Serena reached out and put her hand under Bernie's chin and lifted it so that she could look directly at her face. “Maybe they would, but it wouldn't mean as much to me, for you did it without being asked. You make me feel....special and......cared for in a way that I haven't experienced for a long time.”

Serena's hand moved from her chin to cup the side of Bernie's face and Bernie couldn't stop herself leaning in to it. Everything stopped for a moment and then Serena's thumb grazed across Bernie's lips and instinctively she pressed a kiss to it, her eyes closing as she did. When she opened them she saw Serena gazing at her with such tenderness that she couldn't trust herself not to do something she would regret and suddenly pushed herself up off the bed, before she lost all control. She cleared her throat.

“So, on Wednesday, will you come to the library to meet up, or do you want me to come and pick you up when I've finished?”

“I'll come to the library,...but Bernie..” and Serena tried to grasp Bernie's arm to pull her back towards the bed, but she had already taken a couple of steps backwards towards the door.

“Fine, I'll see you Wednesday then.. .....goodnight” and Bernie charged down the stairs and out of the front door before Serena could respond. She drove home quite recklessly, anxious to get inside her own place to try and ground herself, but then, as she looked around she found herself remembering how Serena had looked at her, wishing she was sitting there on her sofa, ...standing, there, hugging her there, as she had done a couple of days ago, and she sank to the floor with tears trickling down her face, her breathing ragged and harsh. “Why did I ever think that I could hold my feelings in” she whispered to herself, her heart aching with the knowledge that she had to find a way to distance herself from Serena as soon as she could. I'll get through Wednesday, she thought, and then I'll book some annual leave, I could ask for a temporary transfer as well I suppose, so I wouldn't run the risk of her walking through the doors two or three times a week. She wasn't stupid, she knew that Serena cared for her too but the last thing she needed after Robbie, was to be the object of Bernie's desire. She crawled to the sofa and curled herself up on it, praying for sleep so that she could stop thinking of how much she wanted Serena.

Serena meanwhile had been stunned by the speed with which Bernie had left. She cursed herself that she hadn't been able to resist stroking that beautiful face. Was that the problem, that Bernie was trying to tell her that she liked her, but not in _that_ way? Because it hit Serena like a sledge-hammer that she felt about Bernie the way she had only previously felt towards men. The memory of Bernie kissing her thumb caused a surge of desire to course through her body, and she remembered how dark Bernie's eyes had been when she had opened them. For a split second before she had run, Serena had thought Bernie was going to kiss her and a tremor ran down her spine as she acknowledged that she would have kissed her back. But then surely that meant that Bernie _did_ desire her in the same way?

She lay back in her bed, scarcely comprehending that she, Serena Wendy Campbell at the ripe old age of 51, was experiencing both a physical and emotional yearning for another woman. A faint smile played across her lips. “Well, who would've thought it?” she said to the empty house, both scared and elated at the same time.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They're nearly there, don't desert me now, I promise things will get hotter soon...  
> It seems as if the fanfic of these 2 is struggling at the moment, I'm keeping my fingers crossed that once Serena is back on our screens there will be good reason for hope to re-surface.  
> In the meantime I once again would like to thank you all for your support.


	8. Happenings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks to everyone for leaving such lovely comments. Hope this doesn't disappoint. Have a fuzzy head at the moment because of a cold so proof reading has taken rather a long time......

 

Chapter 8

 

Happenings

 

 

 

Bernie and her staff had been drawing, cutting out, colouring, preparing craft activities and choosing stories for their Halloween activity, for what seemed like months. Every moment that wasn't filled with serving customers, or keeping the book stock in order and in a good state of repair, was filled with ghosts, goblins, bats, witches, and a seemingly endless supply of pumpkins. All of these were used to decorate the children's department of the library, hanging from lights, stuck onto windows, some hidden on the shelves among the books, giving children a little scare when they pulled a book off the shelf and out fell a ghost shape or maybe a spider. She had persuaded Steve to use his artistic skills to hollow out 4 real pumpkins and then carve gruesome faces out of them so that during the story session they could put some battery operated tea lights inside to create a spooky atmosphere while Bernie told a (slightly) scary tale. She couldn't choose stories to give real goosebumps because although the youngest official age for the session was 5, she knew that some children would arrive with siblings of only 3 years of age, and she never turned them away. She was all too aware that unless they brought them along, some children wouldn't be allowed to attend the session, some parents using their older offspring as childminders when school holidays arrived.

Serena had surprised her by turning up at 10.15, which was a lot earlier than they had arranged, but when Nurse Fletcher's 4 children followed her in, Bernie understood why.

“I hope this is okay,” she said, “I offered to bring them as I was already planning on coming here later, and I thought it might be nice for Fletch to have a couple of hours to himself today. I'll take them home while you're tidying up afterwards.”

“That's fine,” said Bernie, feeling slightly awkward, as they hadn't texted or spoken to each other since she had almost run from her house on Monday evening. “If you just take them downstairs there are cushions for the children to sit on and chairs for the adults. I'll be down in about 10 minutes to start the session.” By 10.30 they had a full house of 30 children plus the parents and carers that accompanied them, and Bernie came downstairs dressed in black from head to toe, with a black cape swirling around her. They had drawn the blinds and switched off most of the lights, and there was ghostly moans and wolf sounds playing from an iPhone that Serena guessed belonged to one of the library staff. Serena was very impressed with the amount of thought and planning that had gone into creating a great atmosphere. Bernie launched into her first story aimed more towards the younger age group, entitled 'A Dark, Dark Tale' by Ruth Brown. It was a picture book, but rather than reading it straight from the book, Bernie had memorised it and told it as she took the children on a trip around the lower floor of the library, pausing in different corners to tell the next bit of the story. They ended up back in the children's section saving the not so scary climax until the children were back on their cushions, which had the younger children squealing and the adults smiling and laughing.

Next came a guy called Derrick, who was a poet, and he had re-written some classic nursery and finger rhymes like 'Five Little Ducks” into 'Five little Skeletons' which was very funny , and entertained both children and adults alike. Serena looked at Fletcher's brood and was pleased to see them all smiling and joining in, even Evie and Mikey who had originally protested about coming along, saying they were far too old to attend something like this.

The last story was told again by Bernie, and Tracy had gone along switching on the tea lights in the pumpkins and turning out all of the other lights. She started to tell the tale of 'The Hairy Toe'. Serena again found herself captivated by the way Bernie used her voice, and by the visual expressions showing on her face which helped to build the tension in the simple American folktale. She was also moved to see how, if one of the younger children was looking a little bit anxious, she would wink at them and waggle her fingers while smiling gently, just to reassure them. When she smiled like that, Serena couldn't help but notice how her eyes sort of crinkled in the corners, and it made her catch her breath on more than one occasion. Then, towards the end of the story, a young baby who had been sitting happily on his mother's lap, started to cry, but this didn't faze Bernie in the slightest. She was already walking around the group of children and as she passed the baby she paused and he held up his arms to her. She looked questioningly at the mother who nodded and Bernie scooped him up without pausing in her story. At the very end the rest of the library staff stood by the pumpkins and they all switched off the tea lights together causing the baby and some younger ones to gasp. A couple of seconds later someone switched on the overhead lights and Serena couldn't help herself, she started to clap, and all the other adults and children joined in.

Bernie was grinning from ear to ear, still bouncing the baby on her hip when Tracy appeared and invited the children to follow her to another space in the library where tables full of craft activities had been set up, for the children to make and take home. Bernie handed the baby back to his Mom, and when she turned round was surprised to find Serena still there.

“That was fantastic. You were so.......brilliant! I had no idea a frustrated actor lay hidden within your breast” Serena immediately blushed when she realised how her eyes had dwelt on Bernie's chest as she spoke but fortunately, Bernie, her eyes still shining, didn't notice and simply ducked her head, embarrassed by the compliment. “I think most librarians have the storytelling gene in them. It's just so satisfying seeing children caught up in a story. It's why I'm so invested in encouraging parents to read to their children from a very early age. It offers them the chance to experience situations and places they may never go, helps them empathise with people that have different lifestyles to them.........sorry...I'm in full blown librarian mode at the moment.”

Serena shook her head. “No need to apologise. There is nothing more fascinating than listening to someone who is passionate about something.”

They stood there for a moment, eyes engaged, smiling at each other, when Serena cleared her throat. 'I er...I suppose I should go and check on Fletcher's little tribe, make sure that they're not wrecking the place!”

“Okay, I need to start putting the library back in order as well.” Bernie started to turn away and then stopped. “Serena.....I'm sorry about disappearing quite so quickly on Monday. I found that whole evening a bit.......difficult. Are we still okay about everything?”

Serena put her hand on Bernie's arm and squeezed gently. “Of course we are ...how could we not be? We always seem to muddle through, don't you think?”

Bernie nodded, shyly smiling to show her gratitude.

“If I don't see you before I take the little terrors home, I'll plan to be back about 12.30. I'll text you from the car when I get here.” Serena gave Bernie another smile before going upstairs to see what havoc the 'fletchlings' were creating.

It was actually nearly 1pm before Bernie got the text saying that Serena was waiting outside, so she went out and slid into the passenger seat, but stopped Serena from driving straight off by putting her hand on the steering wheel.

“I just want to be sure that you're happy driving. I really don't mind taking my car if you'd rather not have the stress of driving and dealing with any emotional turmoil that might be a bit overwhelming. Also I figured you might be glad of a drink afterwards as well.” Serena gave Bernie a grateful look. “Are you sure you don't mind being the chauffeur again? I must admit I wasn't looking forward to finding my way over there, and was going to rely heavily on your map-reading skills, I don't really trust my sat-nav system.”

So Bernie got out and got into her car and followed Serena home so that she could leave her car there, and it also gave her the opportunity to dash in the house to use the loo and freshen up a little. When she returned to Bernie's car she was handed a pretty detailed set of directions, but Bernie insisted it was just a precaution, she had already studied the route last night.

It was only about a thirty minute drive to Mayshill cemetery, but Serena felt as if the journey would never end. Every time they hit traffic lights or road works, she found herself twisting her hands together in her lap, in a effort to stop from banging the dashboard in frustration or making offensive hand gestures towards other drivers. At one point when it seemed as if some temporary lights would never change Bernie put her left hand out to cover them, hoping to calm her down. Serena grasped her hand gratefully, but briefly, and then tried not to distract Bernie again by slipping her hands underneath her legs, out of sight. Once they moved off, Bernie spoke softly, looking straight ahead. “It'll be okay Serena. I'm here for you, we can get through this.”

Serena's eyes filled with tears at those words and it felt as if her chest was either too small, or her heart had expanded to twice it's size. “Thank you.” she whispered, not trusting herself to say anymore. When they arrived at the cemetery and Bernie had parked the car, they both got out and looked around.

Serena seemed quite despondent, and she turned towards Bernie with her arms outstretched, shrugging her shoulders. “I know this isn't a very large place, but where on earth do we start? Even if we split up it will take over an hour to cover even half of it.” She sank down onto a nearby bench. “Why on earth did I not think about this.”

Bernie put a hand on her shoulder. “It's okay, it's not as bad as it seems. I rang them yesterday and it appears that the area we need to concentrate on is the South West corner, which, looking at the plan I downloaded, seems to be over there.” and she pointed to Serena's right. Serena's mouth dropped open and she stared at her disbelievingly.

“What.....why.....how did you know to..?” Bernie leant down towards her with a smirk on her face. “I'm a qualified library information officer, there aren't many queries I haven't come up against in nearly 30 years of working with the public..... And then if I'm still stuck I ring Dorothy.” And Bernie's trademark laugh rang out across the silent cemetery. Serena rolled her eyes and gave a small laugh of her own, and pushed Bernie in the direction she had indicated, following but trailing slightly behind. After about 200 yards Bernie stopped and held out her hand to Serena, even though she knew that the tingles that ensued would rob her of the ability to speak for a moment or two. They proceeded to walk hand in hand, with Bernie looking one side of the path and Serena the other. After about 20 minutes, down one of the smaller paths Serena stopped.

“Bernie” was all she said, as she loosed her hand and walked across the grass. Bernie followed her and there it was, a small, unassuming headstone that read 'Marjorie Elizabeth Hayes' 12th December 1961 - 17th August 2015.

There were fresh flowers on the grave, and it looked well cared for. “It would seem that someone visits fairly regularly,” remarked Bernie, and then she noticed something tucked behind the vase holding the flowers. She reached down and pulled out a folded card, and handed it to Serena. She opened it with trembling hands and together they read the words ' _I miss you Mum, love Jason x x'._ Serena's eyes widened in surprise and she turned towards Bernie. “I....I have a _nephew_?!” She leaned in towards Bernie, as if her legs had gone weak, and Bernie put strong arms out to steady and support her. Serena gradually straightened up and was just about to replace the card back by the flowers when they heard a voice ringing out across the cemetery, and they both looked up to see two young men striding across towards them. The younger one of the two that was in front was the one who was shouting.

“Who are you? Why are you looking at my mother's grave? And why have you got my card in your hand?”

Serena dropped the card in shock as the young man reached them and he bent down to pick it up and then carefully replaced it where they had found it.

“It needs to stay there so that if it rains it doesn't get too wet,” he grumbled. The other man (whom Serena noted was not quite as young as she had thought) finally caught up and gently put his hand on what, Serena correctly surmised, was her nephew. “Jason, you need to calm down a little and allow these ladies to speak. And just ask one question at a time, okay?”

Jason frowned slightly, but nodded. He looked t them both. “Who are you?” he asked again.

Serena swallowed and took a deep breath before replying. “I rather think..I  _may_ be your Aunt.” Jason took a moment to consider her answer. “I don't think you can be because that would mean you are my mom's sister, and she told me she didn't have any sisters, or brothers. She was like me, an only child.” But before Serena could reply he spoke again. “Unless of course you are my Dad's sister, I don't know if he had any sisters because he left when I was quite young, so he might have. Are you my Dad's sister?”

Serena shook her head. “No, I'm not your Dad's sister, but I didn't find out that your mom and I came from the same family until very recently. It's very difficult to explain.”

Bernie could see that this conversation could get quite complicated very quickly and she interrupted. “Look why don't we all go somewhere a bit warmer where we can sit and have a coffee and a nice long chat. Perhaps you know somewhere close? We don't really know the area you see.”

“Well, I don't really like coffee, but I could always have a cup of tea or some orange juice,” replied Jason. The other man nodded in agreement. “I think that's a very good idea Jason.” He turned towards Serena and Bernie, “I'm Alan by the way, I'm Jason's...” “Servant!” shouted Jason with a big grin. “Yes, something like that,” said Alan as he winked at them both while pushing Jason forward. “Come on Jason, you lead the way.”

Bernie quickly introduced herself and explained about them having arrived by car, so she wondered if there was parking available where they were headed. Alan explained it was very close, and gave her quick directions, saying there was on the street parking just around the corner from the cafe they were headed to. Serena opted to walk with Jason and Alan, and by the time Bernie arrived they were settled at a table in the corner and Serena had already ordered a large coffee for her. Once they had their drinks they all sat and listened to each others stories that had led them to meet today.

Alan explained that he was really a carer to Jason who had been diagnosed with a form of autism called Asperger's Syndrome when he was in his early teens, and Jason told them about how he liked things to always stay the same, like routines of eating certain foods on certain days, and getting up and going to bed at the same time. When his mother had died he had got very confused because everything changed and he had found it really difficult to cope until Alan had come onto the scene. He was obviously highly intelligent but had difficulty in understanding emotions in other people, and took things that were said very literally. Bernie also explained that she was just Serena's friend and because she worked in a library she had helped her with some aspects of her search for her sister. Jason was very excited when he knew she was a librarian, asking if she would watch his favourite quiz shows with him, as he would like to see who was the most intelligent. And finally Serena went over the circumstances that had led to the discovery that she had a sister.

Jason looked at her quizzically. “So did it upset you that your mother had lied to you, when she said she was sorry you'd never had any siblings? It would upset me. Because I don't like people who lie, I think they are bad people. Was your mother bad then?”

Alan put his hand on Jason's arm. “Those aren't appropriate questions Jason.”

Serena put her hand up to indicate to Alan that she didn't mind answering. “We don't always understand why people do or say things Jason, even people we love or care about.” she said. “I don't think she meant to hurt me, I think she thought she was protecting me, when in reality she was just protecting herself. So I don't hate her for not telling me, but I am sad that she didn't, that I never got to meet your Mom. She must have been very special to have raised such a lovely man as you are.”

For another hour Jason and Serena talked, with Bernie and Alan sitting back, giving them both the chance to learn a little bit about each other. Finally Jason turned to Alan and said that he thought they should go now, as he had some homework to do for college tomorrow. He turned back towards Serena. “It's been nice to meet you, I would like to meet you again if that's okay? “ Serena nodded. “Definitely. I'd like that very much.” She grabbed the receipt off the table and turned it over to write something on it before she gave it to him. “That's my mobile number, and my email address. Just get in touch when you're ready to meet up again.” Jason walked to the door, “Are you coming or not Alan?” and he walked off. Alan stayed long enough to tell her that he would send her his contact details as well, and then he hurried up to catch Jason.

 

Serena looked at Bernie and gave her a shaky grin. “Well, that was a tad overwhelming” she said. They left the cafe and started to walk back to the car, and when they reached it Bernie darted in front to open the door for Serena, and turned to her with a grin, about to make some light-hearted remark, when she looked at her and saw tears streaming down Serena's face. “Serena!” Bernie gasped and pulled her close for a moment, and then helped her into the car. She started throwing things out of her handbag hunting for a clean tissue, but could only find a couple of pieces of kitchen roll, which she handed to Serena, who slowly started to dab at her face and eyes. Gradually the tears stopped and Serena looked up, smiling weakly.

“Sorry, everything just hit me and once I let one or two tears fall it was like I'd turned on a tap. You must think me very foolish and over-emotional.”

“Serena, Serena, I would never think that,” Bernie said softly, and she reached out to push her hair away from the side of her face, where it had stuck because of the tears making her cheek wet. She tried to ignore the butterflies in her stomach as her fingers lightly trailed down Serena's face. “Are you alright if we set off now?”

Serena turned her face towards Bernie's hand, very aware of the tingling sensation on her cheek that Bernie's fingers were producing. She nodded and closed her eyes for a moment as she relished this gentle contact. When Bernie moved her hand to the steering wheel as she prepared to move off, Serena opened her eyes and took a deep breath.

“I don't suppose you know of a little pub we could go to? Although I don't especially feel hungry I know I need to eat something today, and a nice glass of wine wouldn't go amiss either.” Serena had hesitated before asking this, but she really didn't want to be on her own at the moment and she wanted to stay in Bernie's presence for as long as she could. Bernie sighed inwardly, careful not to show Serena how difficult she was finding being close to her was at the moment. She had planned on telling her she was going away for a few days from Saturday, but knew after the meeting with Jason, that today was not the day to share this. “Of course,” she said. “I'm in need of some sustenance too.”

About an hour later they arrived at a little pub that was only a 10 minute drive away from Bernie's flat, but very well hidden down a little lane that led to the parish church. It rarely got very crowded, and without any machine or piped music it was the perfect place to sit and unwind. Bernie led the way to a small table at the back of the main bar, and while Serena studied the menu she went and ordered a large glass of Shiraz and a sparkling water for herself. She figured that at least one of them should have a clear head by the end of the evening. They ordered their food and then sat in a companionable silence, Serena seemingly lost in her thoughts, and Bernie grateful for the time to just steal little glances towards her, noticing her beautiful chocolate brown eyes and her oh, so kissable lips, even though it was also an exquisite form of torture.

As the food was placed in front of them, Serena shook herself and looked across at Bernie and smiled. “Sorry, I needed a moment. Quite a day don't you think?”

“Honestly?” replied Bernie, “I don't know how you're managing to stay upright in a chair, let alone walk and talk. You're a very strong woman Serena, and don't let anyone tell you any different.”

“I don't feel as if I'm being very strong at the moment. Or have you forgotten the waterfall running down my cheeks just over an hour ago?”

Bernie couldn't help herself as she put her fork down and reached out to put her hand on Serena's arm. “You have had a potentially life changing day, I think a few tears here and there are to be expected.” Serena smiled at Bernie, and covered her hand with one of her own, and Bernie had to close her eyes to shield herself from Serena's gaze and to stop her from seeing the desire in her own eyes.

A moment later she opened them, but kept them averted and then pulled her hand free to continue eating. Serena gave her a quizzical look, but didn't make any further comment until they had both finished eating. Draining her glass of wine she asked Bernie if she would like another drink. “Just an orange juice, thanks” was all she said, and Serena made her way to the bar to order the next round. She was feeling quite confused with a jumble of emotions going round in her head, and not just over meeting Jason. She couldn't quite get a grip on how Bernie seemed to blow hot and cold when they spent any time together. One minute she was all solicitous and caring, and could be quite touchy-feely, and then the next she was shutting down, withdrawing into herself, becoming silent and distant. Maybe it was the result of the divorce or even her upbringing, Serena thought, as she still found the reaction of her parents towards her sexuality to be astounding. And it was so tantalising when she saw flashes of a happier more carefree person, only to witness the shutters return when something happened to bring bad memories flooding back. She so wanted to see more of that relaxed, cheerful smiling person and not the tormented soul that was only too much in evidence this evening. She returned to their table clutching Bernie's orange juice, and a half bottle of wine for herself. Bernie raised an eyebrow, but Serena just ignored her. “Well, this little place is quite a find, I'll have to remember it, especially as it has quite an extensive wine list. And don't look at me like that Ms Wolfe, if you're worried about me drinking too much, you could always join me. I'm sure that one glass of wine won't push you over the drink-drive limit.”

Bernie gave a small smile, “Maybe not, but I'm very much of the opinion that when you're driving then no alcohol is the only way to go.”

The atmosphere between them warmed slightly and Bernie asked Serena if she intended coming to the Readers Circle meeting on Friday morning, and if yes, then had she got a book already in mind? Serena was very cagy about the title or author, but promised that she would be coming and how she hoped Robbie had meant what he said and would keep away for a while at least. Gradually the conversation got onto what themes might be good for future sessions, and after Bernie had told her that the next one would be biographies, because reading didn't just have to be about fiction, Serena felt brave enough to ask if they had ever held a session on LGBT literature. Bernie was slightly taken aback, but explained that they did have a section in the library devoted to it, and that when it was the Pride festival they always did a corresponding display.

“Yes, I know that but I just wonder how many people who weren't of that persuasion, would ever think of taking one of those titles out, whether because of embarrassment or fear,” she countered. “Have you ever read one?” asked Bernie, slightly defensively. 

“I did read 'Oranges are not the only Fruit' by Jeanette Winterson after seeing the BbC adaptation, and I freely admit I was quite disturbed by both the book and the programme. The mother's attitude was truly horrendous, and it did teach me early on that not everyone was as liberal as my parents.” As Serena finished that observation she realised that if Bernie had admitted her sexual orientation a little earlier in her life, that her teenage years could well have mirrored those of Jess, the young girl in the book. Bernie muttered something under her breath, and Serena had to ask her to repeat it.

Bernie took a breath and started again. “I said that it's not only other people who can't accept same sex relationships. Sometimes the person themselves find it hard to admit it.......and some never do.” Serena felt her heart still for a moment as she took in Bernie's words, and she kept silent for fear that the wrong word from her would send Bernie back scuttling back into her shell. And Bernie continued. “The same author wrote an autobiography which told a little bit more about the monster that was her adoptive mother, as well as the sexual awakening of her own body, when she as at Oxford. It was called 'Why Be Happy When You Could Be Normal' and I suppose that was my way of thinking when I married Marcus”.....her voice trailed off and a silence settled between them.

After a while Bernie seemed to remember the original question and she shrugged. “I'm not sure. We're still a new group and they're a bit reticent to talk in front of each other at the best of times, I just think they'd find it embarrassing to discuss a book like, 'Tipping the Velvet' for instance!”

Serena nodded. “I understand, I really do, but that shouldn't be a reason to shy away from it. How about if you incorporate one or two titles into the theme each time. For the biography one, I'll read 'Why be Happy when you could be Normal' and give a report on it, and you could have extra copies available in case anyone else wants to try it. If a book is well written then it shouldn't matter, should it?”

Bernie looked as if she was going to argue, but then her face and body relaxed. “You're right, of course.I was thinking too much of my own position and worrying that people would start making judgements. Okay, okay, I'll start researching titles that fit into themes that we can introduce gradually.” She looked at Serena and gave her such a dazzling smile that she felt her stomach turn somersaults. She drained her glass and stood up. “Just popping to the loo” she said as she walked away. Except to Bernie's eyes, she wasn't just walking she was sashaying, and she couldn't tear her eyes away from her hips, and she was finding swallowing quite tricky too. And when Serena turned and looked over shoulder at Bernie, as if she could feel her eyes following her, Bernie found that breathing was also something she was finding difficulty with, particularly when Serena gave her a wink just before she disappeared from view. Bernie sat rooted to the spot feeling her whole body flush with embarrassment and desire.

However, when Serena returned to the table, she made no mention of it, and simply remarked that after another glass of wine they should probably get going as they both had work in the morning. Bernie nodded in agreement (and relief) and finally asked the question that had been at the back of her mind, ever since they had left the cemetery. “So, how are you feeling about getting to know Jason better? Are you hoping that he'll agree to meet up again?”

Serena answered immediately. “Oh I definitely want to meet him again, as long as he's happy with that. I do recognise that some aspects of his condition might make things a little more complicated or challenging, but that's for me to deal with and not for him to worry about. I'll probably try and read up a bit about Asperger's, just so that I may be able to understand why he has the reactions he does.” Bernie murmured her agreement, and found herself wanting to reach across and take Serena's hand, to hold and stroke, to try to convey in some way how she wanted to support her and let her know that she would always be there for her. She closed her eyes as it hit her that she couldn't promise her anything until she learnt how to deal with the surge of feelings that kept rolling over her relentlessly, like waves hitting the seashore. Serena's voice suddenly cut through the fog surrounding her brain. “Bernie, Bernie are you alright? What's wrong?” and Serena, quite concerned had her arm in a firm grip, and was shaking her gently. Bernie opened her eyes and gave a small smile. “I'm sorry, I'm fine, just suddenly felt quite tired.”

“Right, time to get going I think,” said Serena, beginning to gather her things together. She stood up draining her wine glass as she did, and picked up her jacket and attempted to put it on. But somehow her limbs would not cooperate and after a couple of tries, Bernie moved forward and held her jacket for her to put her arms into as she lifted it onto her shoulders. As she did so Serena reached up and grabbed both of Bernie's hands, and brought them down and across so that Bernie was pulled in tightly to Serena's back, with her arms crossed around her front. Serena turned her head slightly so that her mouth was by Bernie's ear. “Have I ever told you how lovely I think you are” she asked tenderly.

“Serena,” whispered Bernie, both appalled and turned on in equal measure. “Serena, please, this is not appropriate, you have to stop. Please, let me go.” and Bernie tried to pull away her heart pounding, but not wanting to cause a scene.

Serena giggled. “I forgot you're the strong silent type.” She let go of Bernie's hands and turned round, putting a finger to her lips. “Shush, I must try to be quiet in the presence of my warrior librarian, who always wants to do the right thing.” And Serena giggled again as Bernie steered her out of the pub and over to the car. As she stepped outside into the fresh air, Serena staggered and had to hang on to Bernie's arm to keep her balance. “Sorry” she murmured, “maybe that last glass of wine was one too many.”

Bernie didn't trust herself to speak, she was using all her willpower not to gather Serena into her arms, not to let her emotions pour out of her. And one of those emotions at the moment was anger, furious that Serena seemed to find it all hugely amusing that she was struggling to try and maintain some sort of normality. She finally got them both strapped into her car, and set off for Serena's house. After a few minutes Serena started to chatter again. “This is getting to be quite a habit Ms Wolfe, you driving me home and then ordering me to bed.” She burst out laughing. “Are you going to order me to bed tonight, Bernie? It's quite exhilarating you know, when you're the one who's normally in charge of everything and everybody, to be told what to do by someone else,” and Serena's voice trailed off, getting quieter, “someone who cares...”

Bernie pulled onto Serena's drive, her face set in stone looking straight ahead, but with a pink flush spreading upwards from her neck to her face, as she switched off the engine.

“And you do care, don't you?” asked Serena, plaintively, plucking at Bernie's sleeve. “And, and you're so beautiful too, and you don't even know it” Serena turned her attention to her seat belt as she struggled to undo it.

Bernie took a deep breath and forced herself to reply, but still didn't trust herself to look at her. “Serena, you have to stop this, now! You've had a very emotional day, and you've drunk a little bit too much wine, so let's leave this conversation here and......pretend it never happened.

Serena looked sad and as she finally managed to free herself from the seat belt she turned to look at Bernie. “I know I'm a little bit squiffy tonight but I do know what I'm saying,” and she brought her hands up to Bernie's face to turn it towards her, “and I do know what I'm doing.” Before Bernie could react Serena moved forwards and pressed her lips to Bernie's. For a few moments Bernie froze, and Serena sensing that, started to pull away, when suddenly all the neurons in Bernie's brain fired into action and she responded by catching Serena's bottom lip between hers, and her right hand moved to cup the back of Serena's head, pushing her forward again, back into the kiss. It wasn't rough though, and it felt to Bernie as if it was one of the sweetest kisses she had ever experienced. Serena's head was swimming, but not from the wine, she had never known that lips could feel so strong and yet so unbelievably soft. They both were making little whimpers and moans as they sank deeper and deeper into the kiss, but neither of them could tell which sound came from whom. Panting for breath they finally drew apart, leaving just their foreheads touching. Bernie's hand dropped from Serena's head as they separated completely. Bernie could see the dark flush across Serena's face and neck, and Serena, gazing into Bernie's eyes saw that were so black with longing and desire that she felt her breath hitch. She leaned back against the seat and stared straight ahead out of the windscreen and Bernie could see her chest rising and falling as she tried to regulate her breathing.

“Just when you think you've experienced every emotion you could in one day, and...bam. Another one hits you!” Serena looked at Bernie who was sitting gripping the steering wheel, and could see that she was struggling to come to terms with what had just happened. She trailed her fingertips across Bernie's knuckles and when there was still no reaction she said softly, “Sorry.”

At those words, Bernie whipped her head round to look at Serena. “Don't be.” she said in a voice so low. that Serena swore she felt the vibrations from it through her very core. They lapsed back into silence, but Bernie's hand had relaxed and was now resting on the seat. Serena's hand covered it and their fingers twisted and intertwined, and then lay still. A few more minutes passed and Serena finally broke the silence.

“Do you want to come in for a while?” she asked tentatively, and looked shyly at Bernie who finally looked back at her and gave her a gentle smile. “More than you can imagine,” she said softly, “but the answer is no......not tonight” and she moved her hand away from Serena's and put it back on the steering wheel, but didn't grip it quite so tightly as before. Serena could see the walls going up in Bernie's eyes and she put a hand on her arm. “Bernie, please, please don't shut me out. I know that I need time to process this but if you care about me at all, please don't push me away, that would be the cruelest thing you could do to me.”

Bernie blinked away some tears and nodded. “Okay.”

“I'll see you on Friday then, at the library? Will that be alright? Or would you rather I stayed away?” Serena's voice had a slight wobble in it as she waited for her answer. Bernie swallowed and raised her eyes to the heavens before replying “That should be fine,......we are grown-ups after all.”

Serena opened the car door and then muttered “Thank you.....for everything today,” and stumbled her way to the front door, and Bernie watched as she struggled to get the key in the lock, fighting an inner battle not to fly out of the car to help her. As soon as Serena turned on the hall light she turned on the engine and sped off home.

Once there she threw herself on her bed, her mind racing and the tears that had threatened earlier finally rolling down her cheeks. She brought her fingertips to her mouth and ran them along her lips as she remembered the sweetness of that kiss and her heart ached with longing to be lying next to Serena, holding her, loving her.

 

 


	9. Questions and Answers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There's a mention of a Danish meal that Serena cooks, and I apologise to any Danish readers who consider that the recipe is not completely accurate. I have added and taken away things over the years, as you do and this is the adaption I enjoy the most.  
> About the chapter.......Bernie being Bernie I guess.

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Questions and Answers

  


  


Both Bernie and Serena were looking forward to, and yet also fearful of seeing each other this Friday morning. Neither of them had quite plucked up the courage to get in touch on Thursday, even though Serena had come pretty close to it. But she'd surmised that Bernie would be uncomfortable talking about what had happened, on the phone. However, now that it was nearly time to go to the reading group she realised with a sinking feeling, that she didn't know how to behave around her, hadn't really thought about how awkward this would feel. She couldn't pretend that they hadn't kissed, didn't want to, because pretty much all that was on her mind was how she wanted to do it again, and again. That doesn't mean to say she wasn't scared either. She'd never felt this way about a woman before, never been more than friends with a woman, and yet here she was, at the ripe old age of 51, feeling consumed by the memory of that gentle but intense moment when Bernie had responded to her kiss.

And what happens next?! More kisses? Yes, hopefully, but what about what the kissing could lead to? Did she feel ready or able to share a bed with her, to make love to her? Oh, let's be honest about this Serena, she thought, can you imagine having sex with a woman? With Bernie? She felt herself blush as this idea lodged firmly in her mind. Before Bernie she doesn't think she would ever have considered the idea, but now it made her question how her sexuality could change almost overnight. How she had suddenly started to view women in general, in a completely different way.

There were other factors around this that troubled her too. For all that Serena had enjoyed sex with men, and she definitely had, in more recent years the confidence she'd always had in her body had started to wane. She knew from the way men looked at her upper body that her breasts were not the issue, but to her the extra weight she knew she carried around her hips and thighs was beginning to concern her. Even so she had never received any complaints, due in part she was sure to her undoubted skill in making a man feel good about himself, how to satisfy him. So what if occasionally she hadn't reached the same level of satisfaction, it had still been good, and men were..... easy to fool. But with Bernie, the thought of her seeing her naked, filled her with apprehension. She appeared to have an enviable figure, slim, in proportion, toned, everything that she was not. She had convinced herself that once Bernie saw her without clothes all her apparent desire would disappear. And even if that didn't happen, she was still worried about the sex act itself. She wasn't naïve, she knew a little about how lesbians made love but because they would be experiencing the same bodily reactions she was sure it would feel so much more intimate, and so there would be nowhere to hide. Serena could feel her blood pressure mounting as a degree of panic started to settle on her shoulders. She took a deep breath and tried to dampen down her emotions. They had shared just one kiss, just one, and although she felt that Bernie had responded in like, it was ridiculous to let herself get too wound up about what could happen, or more accurately what _might_ happen. As she made her way out of the door to go to the library she had butterflies in her stomach and she knew despite all her misgivings she was still hoping that there was more to come.

Meanwhile, Bernie's mind was in a similar turmoil, but as ever she was working overtime in trying to stay in control. She had hardly dared hope that Serena was attracted to her as more than a friend, so the kiss had been a shock, and scary, and also wonderful. But, being Bernie she had convinced herself that the only reason Serena had kissed her was down to the alcohol, and that had she been sober, it wouldn't have happened. It was because she was emotional from the day, and grateful for her help, and somehow she'd thought this was the way to show it. Then she remembered that after that initial kiss from Serena, she had initiated the continuance of it, and Serena had responded, with little nibbles, and she remembered their tongues, that had gently brushed against each others lips. Bernie groaned in the privacy of her office as she realised just how invested she was in this woman, in her life. She shook her head, and made up her mind that she, no  _they_ needed time apart, some space from each other. She would need that to decide if it would be worth the risk of losing a friend to gain a lover.

Serena arrived at the library a little early, deciding that if there was going to be any awkwardness between them she would rather know straight away, before they went into the group meeting. When she walked in through the main doors she couldn't see Bernie anywhere and was just about to go over to speak to Steve, when something made her look up, towards the windows of the office. There was Bernie, looking down at her, who gave a small smile and indicated she was coming down. In a few moments she was standing next to Serena. They both mumbled “Hello” and then Bernie pointed to a door just to the right of where they were standing and gestured for Serena to follow her inside. It seemed to be a very narrow office with just a small desk and computer and a couple of cupboards in there. They stood there, awkwardly, Bernie twisting her hands, and then Serena, heart pounding moved imperceptibly closer to her, sensing that Bernie was struggling to find the words to say anything. Serena took a deep breath and spoke first.

“Bernie....I.....I kissed you..because I...wanted to, but I wasn't..., I never expected...” she took another breath, thinking this was harder than she'd imagined. “This is hard for me to explain..I've never....” Bernie put her hand out and rested it momentarily on Serena's shoulder in an effort to calm her. “It's okay, I understand,” she said. “It had been a very emotional day and you'd had a little bit too much to drink, maybe, and everything sort of.....spilled over and we...kissed." Serena tried to interrupt but Bernie shook her head. “I'm really sorry if the way I responded to your kiss was....well, if it confused you...or upset you...I wasn't thinking either, I got swept up in the moment.” She took a deep breath before continuing. “What do you say we take a step back and agree to be just good friends.....because that's what I hope we are?”

“You...you want to forget the whole thing ever happened?” asked Serena, feeling her heart sink a little. “Well,...I think it's......wise?” Serena gave a very small smile but it felt as though her stomach was full of lead. Bernie tried to meet her eyes, but Serena wouldn't look at her. “Are we good then?” Bernie asked, and Serena inclined her head implying 'yes' but inside she was screaming 'No!' but couldn't put what she did want into words. It was at that moment that a knock came on the door and Steve popped his head round.

He looked at Bernie, “I think everyone's pretty much ready to start” he said. “Fine...thanks” said Bernie and she ushered Serena out of the door.

The next hour dragged for Serena. She watched but could scarcely listen to what other people had read or were recommending, her mind only coming into focus when Bernie was speaking. And that turned out to be some sort of torture as she focused all the time on her lips and found herself wishing she had the courage to walk up and claim them as her own, here, in front of everyone. When Bernie was talking about the book she had chosen she tried to regard it as a poor choice so that she could direct the anger that was building up inside her towards Bernie's professional capability, but in her heart she actually loved the Sherlock Holmes story that she was talking about, 'A Scandal in Bohemia' by Conan Doyle. As Bernie was explaining it was the only Sherlock tale that featured the woman Irene Adler who broke through the natural reserve of the famed detective, and appeared to show him as having a romantic interest in her, although this was not something that his colleague and friend Dr Watson, agreed with. A few members of the group who knew the story smiled at this and Serena couldn't help herself butting in, rather abruptly, “No, well I'm not surprised that Dr Watson refuted any romantic interest, given that I've always considered the relationship between him and Holmes to be more that 'good friends'. They were very 'close' shall we say?”

There were one or two raised eyebrows, and Bernie faltered at the bitter tone in Serena's voice. “Yes, well....that's what makes sharing our views very interesting. Helps us to consider.....other interpretations to events.....now Ms Campbell, have you any book you'd like to talk about?”

Serena nodded her head and cleared her throat, trying to make sure she didn't sound as waspish as before. “Right, my choice is not one specific book, but a series of books written by M C Beaton. All the books feature the same main character, Agatha Raisin, once a P.R. Executive, living and working in London, who after a semi-retirement in the Cotswolds, forms a Private Detective Agency. This happened after she herself was interviewed by the police following a murder in the village where she lived. She goes from strength to strength solving case after case, more often by luck, rather than judgement.The stories on the whole are well crafted and well written, if on occasion a little predictable. But they aren't there to challenge the brain in any way, merely to provide a little light reading at the end of a busy or tiring day. For me, the extra interesting point is that at approximately 52 years of age she is still regarded as a desirable female by members of the opposite sex, and in the novels she is actively pursuing a 'happy ever after'. Something we rarely see in other books featuring romance. Younger, prettier central characters being the norm, as ladies of a certain age are often judged to be uninterested in pursuing an active sex life. As I said not a taxing read, but they're entertaining and a bit of fun.”

There was a moments pause, and one or two raised eyebrows at the mention of sex, however innocuous, and then Bernie thanked her, and moved on. About 10 minutes later she invited everyone to have a coffee or tea and talked briefly about the next theme which was Christmas stories. As soon as she could, Serena got up and went straight out into the library and headed for the door. She had just got outside when she heard Bernie shout her name, and although she slowed her pace slightly, she didn't stop. The next thing she knew was that Bernie had grasped her arm and moved in front of her, so that she had to halt to prevent a collision.

“Serena, are you alright? Didn't you want a drink?”

“Obviously not, given that I've left the library and I'm headed for my car.” The bitterness that Bernie had already heard was back and she recoiled slightly. “Um.....okay...erm...I wondered if we....if we could chat?...later? I did have something else...to explain....to say.”

Serena shook her head. “No, not today sorry. I'm very, very busy.” She started to walk past Bernie and then paused. “It's only fair to tell you that it's unlikely that I'll be coming again, to Readers Circle. I may be required to work some extra hours at the hospital soon (which wasn't true). I'll let you know as soon as I can.” And with that parting shot, she walked past Bernie leaving her standing in the street staring after her. She turned around and went back into the library with a slightly bewildered look on her face. Steve walked over to her and looked at her quizzically. “What's up Bernie? You look a bit...dazed.” Bernie blinked a couple of times and tried to focus on his face. “Yes.....no! I don't understand what just happened.” Steve patted her arm. “Come on, wrap it up with your little group and we'll have a chat later, at lunch, yeah?” Bernie gave him a brief smile and nodded, and then rejoined the Readers Circle to make sure they had been happy with the session.

An hour later, once they were closed for lunch Steve guided Bernie to the patio area at the rear of the library. She sat down next to him on the bench and watched him unpack his sandwiches, she with just a bottle of water. He offered one to her but she shook her head. “So,” Steve ventured, “what happened this morning? I'm assuming it had something to do with your little chat in the front office, because when Serena first came in she looked quite bright, if a little anxious. But when she came out in front of you, there was a very different vibe going on.”

“Really? What.....what sort of thing do you mean exactly?”

Steve shrugged and spread his hands. “I'm no body language expert but she definitely wasn't happy, more... not really angry....disappointed? You tell me, you know what was said, can you remember saying something to upset her?”

Bernie sighed and pushed her hands through her hair. “I don't know....it was all so..awkward and I......” she sighed again and shook her head.

Steve raised his eyebrows as he looked at her. “So, I'm guessing something happened on Wednesday when you went to the cemetery? I mean unless you saw her Thursday as well. You didn't act as if something bad had happened yesterday.” Bernie refused to look at Steve and just stared up at the sky.

Steve sighed in exasperation. “Surely it would help to talk to someone about it, so why not me? We've known each other long enough to have a degree of trust I feel. Even if you are upset because she's said she never wants to see you again, at least let it out..don't bottle it up like you usually do.”

Bernie leaned forward looking at the ground her head supported by her hands as she thrust them into her hair, and she exhaled slowly.

“She........she kissed me......Wednesday evening when I drove her home...we were talking sitting in the car on her drive and...she kissed me.” There was a long pause.

“And?...” prompted Steve.

“And.....I..kissed her back.” There was another pause.

“Well, that's good, isn't it?”

“She'd been.....drinking. And I think..when I kissed her back...it took her by surprise....and then I drove home, and this morning..was the first time I'd seen or spoken to her..since.”

“Not the clearest of thinking by either of you really, giving yourselves just 15 minutes to have a frank discussion. But I still don't understand why she looked so upset when you came out of the office.” Steve gasped. “Oh my god, you didn't dump her did you?”

Bernie glared at him. “No!” and then she hesitated before continuing, “Well, no....I just.....she seemed uncertain about....well, as if she was...scared? So I suggested....that maybe we should..forget it had happened..and hopefully stay friends.” There was an even longer pause, while Steve stared at her. “Forgive me for repeating myself,....and?!..”

“And she muttered something like 'if that's what I wanted', and then pretty much that's when you knocked on the door.”

Steve shook his head, which annoyed Bernie. “What? What was I supposed to do? She seemed uncomfortable and I..I just wanted to help her feel okay, not frightened that I was going to jump her bones at the first opportunity.”

“I understand, you were being your usual noble self Bernie....but she's a grown woman. I'm sure that if she was really upset by the kiss she wouldn't even have come here this morning. Maybe, just maybe she was hoping to have a proper, sober, conversation about it, and not be patronised by you. Maybe you could have just asked her how she felt, what she wanted to do, instead of projecting your feelings and, yes, fear onto her. You treated her like a child, telling her what you thought she should do.”

Bernie put her head back into her hands and groaned. “Why, why on earth did I think we had a future anyway....look at me.....I'm rubbish..I'm a mess!”

Steve stood up. “You're neither of those things Bernie, but you have made an error of judgement here and you do need to try and put this right...especially if you want to at least stay friends. So that needs to be sooner rather than later. You need to talk, properly, and that means you're going to have to confront why you're afraid, why you are scared to feel that anything good should happen to you.” Steve put his hand on Bernie's shoulder and gave it a quick squeeze. “We all mess up in relationships at some point, so don't be so hard on yourself. The trick is knowing which ones are worth humbling yourself for, or just saying sorry to. Whatever you think, I'm sure she's not perfect and is regretting the way she behaved this morning just as much as you." He started to walk back into the library. "Come on, our public await!”

Bernie looked at him gratefully. “How did someone so young become so wise? Thank you..... Would you mind opening up for me, I think I need to send a text!”

Serena had arrived home with her head in a spin. She'd gone through a few scenarios in her head about how things might pan out this morning, but this was something totally unexpected. She knew she hadn't made a very good job of trying to explain all the emotions that were running through her head, but how dare Bernie presume to know what she needed, when she didn't really know herself?  Serena back tracked, as she realised that wasn't strictly true. She knew her biggest mistake had been not contacting Bernie yesterday. Considering she knew her feelings were quite complex, it begged the question why the hell did she only give herself 15 minutes to have a potentially awkward discussion? Idiot! Well, apparently Bernie had already decided what she wanted so now Serena had to decide whether to go along with that, to put all the feelings she had to one side, or to just cut her losses and put her out of her life altogether. After all, it's not as if she _has_ to see her again, and although it would be hard, it's not as if anything really _happened_. She knew that feelings would fade, over time, and she'd survived all manner of losses during her life, so why be overly concerned with this one? And as upset as she was feeling, she was also getting angrier by the minute. Sod Berenice Griselda Wolfe (stupid name), Serena thought, she won't be wasting anymore precious time on her!

As the afternoon wore on, Bernie was getting more agitated as she constantly checked her phone for a reply from Serena. She'd spent a little time trying to decide what to say to her and she'd finally sent a text that read...

_Sorry for the whole messy thing this morning. I think we need time to talk properly. Can I pop round to you after work? About 5.30?_

But so far she hadn't received any reply. She'd checked at least 3 times that the message had sent, but she didn't think it had even been read. Did that mean she hadn't seen it or that she'd seen who it was from and just deleted it before reading? She even considered sending another one but then convinced herself that it would be pointless. No. she would wait until she finished work and go there anyway, and then figure out her next move.

It was pouring with rain,it was cold, it was 5.20pm, and Bernie was sitting in her car outside Serena's house. She hadn't parked on the drive as she wasn't sure how long it would take her to pluck up the courage to ring the doorbell and she didn't want to creep Serena out by sitting in her car on the drive which could look vaguely threatening. She picked up her phone, counted to ten and got out of the car and walked up to the front door. She stood outside for nearly a minute before counting to ten again and then stretched out her arm and pressed the bell. And then she waited.

Inside the house, Serena was sitting at the dining table staring at an email that she had received approximately 10 minutes ago. Well, that email and the 3 others that had arrived at regular intervals over the last couple of hours. When the doorbell rang it made her jump but she still didn't move from her laptop. She certainly wasn't in the mood for any salesman or Bible basher and she wasn't worried it was Elinor as she had a key. About 5 minutes passed and her phone started to ring, she glanced at it, saw Bernie's name and immediately rejected the call. A couple of minutes later she heard someone knocking at the front door and rattling the letterbox, so she finally stood up and walked to the window to see who was out there and was actually startled to see Bernie, looking both dejected and anxious if that were posible. She'd received a text from her earlier but had deleted it without reading it. “How dare she just turn up on my doorstep and expect me to speak to her after this morning” she muttered under her breath, as her eyes strayed back to the laptop. “I've got more important issues to deal with than Ms Wolfe.” But before returning to the table she took another look to be sure she hadn't imagined it, and in that moment Bernie turned her head and saw her through the glass. “Serena, please..let me in. I only want to talk.” But Serena simply moved away, so Bernie took a step closer to the door and opened the letterbox trying to see if she was in the hall. There was no sign so she shouted instead. “Please Serena......please open the door...I need to talk with you.”

“Like you did this morning?” shouted Serena from the doorway leading into the lounge. “We all now how well that turned out don't we?”

“It won't be like that again. I...I didn't give you chance to say anything.....I realise that now.....please, please..I promise I'll listen to what _you_ have to say.”

“You say that now...but it seemed as if your mind was pretty much made up earlier, so what's the point?”

“That's why I want to speak to you...I was making an assumption, and I didn't try...to listen to you..to find out what you were feeling..” Bernie stopped and drew a ragged breath, her teeth chattering with the cold and wet. “I'm not going to move until you let me in....or at least open the door and tell me to my face that you never want to see me again!” And Bernie turned her back and slid down the door until she was sitting on the top step. The rain was relentless and she was soaked through, freezing cold, and now tears were joining the raindrops that were dripping from her hair, rolling down her face. But for once in her life she was determined she was going to see something through, whatever the outcome might be.

Inside Serena pushed her hands through her hair, her stomach twisting itself into knots which sent sharp pains into her gut. There was another ping from the computer and she groaned as she crossed the few feet to the door. Taking a deep breath she yanked it open, already speaking before she saw Bernie. “I really don't need this drama today, so why...” and her voice faded as she looked down to where Bernie was scrambling to stand up, her clothes and hair sodden.

“Oh my god, Bernie! Why...... where's....oh...don't you own an umbrella for god's sake?” and Serena reached out and dragged her inside where she stood dripping water onto the floor as Serena pushed the door closed, behind her. “Wait, wait, don't move” and Serena fled into the kitchen to grab anything that could possibly soak up some of the water. She ran back into the hall and threw a couple of small towels onto the floor and told Bernie to stand on them while she dragged her jacket off her and threw it into the wash basin of the downstairs toilet. She then bounded upstairs and returned a few moments later with an extra large fluffy bath towel and a smaller hand towel. By this time Bernie was shivering and her lips had a bluish tinge, her face very pale.

“Quick, shoes off, socks off, and then strip..now!” Bernie was about to protest. “Now!!” said Serena firmly, “unless you want to end up in hospital with hypothermia.” Serena knew she was overstating it, but Bernie really did look very fragile. “Everything?” whispered Bernie, blushing. Serena quelled her with a look and nodded before continuing. “As soon as you've done that, wrap yourself in that towel and come through to the lounge. I'm just going to turn the fire up and make you a hot drink.” And Serena moved into the lounge to put the fire on it's highest setting and then from there into the kitchen to make a mug of tea and grab some clean clothes out of the ironing basket along with a pair of fluffy socks. When she returned, Bernie was just walking in enveloped in the towel, so Serena guided her to the sofa in front of the fire and with the hand towel, starting to rub her hair vigorously. Bernie still hadn't spoken and Serena was exasperated. “What on earth were you thinking?”

Bernie cleared her throat. “Oh, you know me,” she said quietly, teeth still chattering, “logical thinking is not exactly my forte.”

Serena threw down the towel she had been using to dry Bernie's hair and dragged her fingers through it lightly, trying to untangle it a little, and then sat down beside her and put her arms around her, Bernie instinctively trying to move away. “Oh for goodness sake, I'm trying to warm you up, not make a move on you, okay?” said Serena.  And, as Bernie relaxed slightly Serena started to rub her hands up and down the towel surrounding her, hoping to cause enough friction to generate some heat. “Tell me if it feels uncomfortable, or if I'm rubbing too hard.” Bernie murmured her assent.

After a few minutes with the fire and Serena's rubbing, Bernie stopped shivering, and although Serena stilled her hands she didn't remove her arms from around her. They just sat there snuggled together, and almost imperceptibly their breathing synchronised and Bernie relaxed even more against Serena, her head tipping to one side and it came to rest against her shoulder, nestled into her neck. Without thinking Serena pressed a kiss into Bernie's damp hair and pulled her even closer to her side, her heart beginning to beat a little faster as she remembered that Bernie was naked under the towel. Bernie pulled her head away and slightly back, and looked upwards to meet Serena's soft gaze. “Se...Serena...I..” began Bernie, when there was another 'ping' from the direction of Serena's laptop.

“Shit!” said Serena, as she dropped her arms from around Bernie, moving away slightly. “I'm sorry, much as I don't want to, I really need to deal with this.”

Bernie bit her lip and Serena's stomach fluttered at the sight. “That's okay. Is it...anything I could help with?” and she tried to struggle to her feet as Serena stood up. “Stay there,” said Serena sternly. “I'll bring it over here in a minute and we'll look at it together. I'm going to make us both a hot drink as you didn't have any of the first one, and while I'm doing that, take the towel off and put those on.” and she threw the t-shirt, pyjama bottoms, and the fluffy socks onto the sofa. “They're clean, and I know they'll be a little on the large side, but you can't put your own clothes back on yet.” Serena went into the kitchen to boil the kettle, and then back into the hallway to retrieve Bernie's clothes that she threw over a chair in the kitchen, purposefully not pushing them into the tumble dryer. She also gathered up her jacket from the cloakroom and put it on a hanger to drip onto a towel.

When she returned to the lounge with their drinks, Bernie had changed, and had folded both of the towels and put them on the arm of the sofa. For a moment Serena stopped in her tracks as her breathing hitched at the sight of Bernie curled up on her sofa, her legs tucked under her, looking a little like a waif and stray in clothes that didn't quite fit. She handed her the mug and Bernie took it gratefully, waiting for Serena to pick up the pc and sit down next to her.

“So, who's pestering you then? I'm assuming the 'ping' indicates that someone is sending you an email?” said Bernie, all eloquent now that the focus was off her. Serena sighed, “It's from Jason, and because I've failed to answer the first one he's been sending them at regular intervals ever since, saying the same thing.” 

“Which is..?” prompted Bernie. Serena pulled a face. “He wants to know when we can meet up again...and where.” Bernie looked puzzled. “So...I'm not sure that I understand your problem.”

“I don't know what to say. I mean I want to see him again of course I do, and I'd like him to come here and see where I live, but I don't know if he'd be comfortable with that, given that he doesn't really know me. And I'm a little scared too, with just the two of us being here, what if the conversation dries up or that we find we have nothing in common? But if I say we'll meet in a public place, what do I suggest? I don't want to just sit in another cafe somewhere!” Serena sighed and screwed her eyes up in frustration.

“Okay, okay I get it,” said Bernie, “but at the risk of you saying 'pot, kettle, black'.....don't you think you're rather over-thinking this?”

“Of course I am,” Serena snapped. “Why do you think I'm in this state? Oh, sorry, sorry...”

“Right, so give _him_ the choice. Say he can come here for lunch perhaps, or ask if there's anywhere he would like to visit near here, like the Science museum and tell him it would be your treat.” Serena looked at Bernie, a small smile beginning to show on her face. “That's not a bad idea.......except I'm still on my own with him.” “Well, you could always tell him that Alan could come....and if it was on my day off I'd be happy to provide moral support.....if you'd want it that is?” Serena looked at Bernie and felt herself relax for the first time since she had seen the email. “Thank you” she said simply. “You're very welcome.” replied Bernie.

Hastily, before Jason could send her another message she composed an answer and showed it to Bernie who nodded her approval. Serena pressed send and exhaled loudly, leaning back on the sofa before snapping the lid shut.

She looked at Bernie and sighed again. “Now what to do about my next problem......but I don't think I can ask for your advice on this one.”

“Why?” asked Bernie, totally misunderstanding. Serena rolled her eyes. “Because it's you.....you idiot.....you're my next problem!” Bernie dropped her head and looked at the floor, blushing. “Sorry......I don't read people very well, or had you already noticed that?”

“I think you have a lot more in common with my nephew that I have,” commented Serena. “But, first things first, are you feeling quite warm now?”

Bernie nodded shyly. “Good. So let's get some food inside us and then we'll talk, okay?” Bernie nodded again, but honestly wondered if she'd be able to swallow a mouthful, as her anxiety levels were rising again now that the focus was coming back onto her.......onto them. She followed Serena into the kitchen and sat on a stool while Serena prepared a simple Danish dish for them called Braendende Kearlighed, which consisted of a mound of silky smooth creamed potatoes which she topped with a mixture of fried onions, bacon, mushrooms and served with a few roasted tomatoes. It was one of her favourite comfort foods, especially on cold dark evenings, but made the sensible decision not to tell Bernie that the English translation was 'Burning Love'.

Bernie surprised herself by eating a reasonable amount before she apologetically pushed her plate away. “Sorry, I don't have much of an appetite today, but it was delicious,....thank you.” Serena looked at her in the direct way she had, and Bernie held her gaze for a few seconds before she slid her eyes sideways and then down. Serena stood up and nodded towards the sofa. “Come on” she said and Bernie walked slowly into the other room and returned to her place on the sofa, curled into the corner. Serena didn't sit next to her, but pulled up a stool to sit in front of her, which Bernie found very disconcerting. Serena tipped her head to one side. “Do you want to start or shall I?” Bernie shrugged her shoulders and stared at the floor, with just the occasional flick of her eyes upwards to Serena's face.

“I guess that'll be me then,” said Serena dryly. “But you don't get to just sit there and listen to me rattle on. So....first question....why do you think I kissed you?” Bernie's eyes flicked upwards in alarm and then down again, a flush creeping up her neck. Serena let the silence grow and eventually Bernie cleared her throat.

“Like I said this morning, I..er...knew you'd had a bit to drink....and I remembered how.....emotional the day had been for you...and I thought you maybe wanted...to say more than just thank you. But....it got a bit...mixed up and you....” Bernie tried to look at Serena again but found that she couldn't talk if she did. “And...I know you tried...to pull away..but then things went a bit....crazy in my head and I pulled you back........I'm sorry.”

Serena reached out and took one of Bernie's hands between her two. “Bernie, I only pulled away because I'd felt you stiffen and I thought I'd made a mistake in showing you.....and myself....how much I cared about you. I was scared too..just like you. But when you pulled me back it felt.....wonderful....and right somehow.” Bernie stayed silent, still with her eyes cast down. “And then I said, quite distinctly if I remember rightly, 'don't distance yourself from me'. I didn't just mean in terms of miles, I meant in there” and she tapped Bernie's forehead with her finger. “And then the first thing you say to me afterwards is that you want to forget it ever happened. How do you think that made me feel?” Bernie gave a shuddering sigh and glanced at Serena's face. “I know..I told you I was rubbish....I didn't want to force you into anything...didn't want my feelings to overwhelm you. I'm sorry”

Serena got up and sat next to Bernie. She reached out with her hand and turned Bernie's face towards her. “Look at me.....please?”

Bernie's breathing had become more rapid and shallow, but she forced herself to look directly at Serena and her whole world seemed to flip upside down as she saw the most gentle, caring smile on her face.

“Let's start again, shall we?” whispered Serena as she moved towards her, hesitating briefly before she pressed her lips to Bernie's. Bernie whimpered and then groaned as she moved her body sideways so that she could wrap her arms around Serena as their lips collided. She felt so dizzy she thought she would pass out, and then they both pulled apart for a second to stare into each other eyes, and gasp for air, before their lips crashed back together and they both fell sideways onto the sofa. Each of them brought a hand up to cradle the back of the others head, pressing their mouths even closer, Their lips parting to allow the tips of each other tongues to flick against each other. The kiss continued to deepen, their tongues now twisting and turning inside each other mouths tasting every inch that they could. It was nearly two minutes later that they finally broke apart, their mouths red, swollen and pulsing, even sore where little nibbles had occurred. They both lay on their backs trying to regulate their breathing, a smile spreading across their faces, Serena's a huge grin, while Bernie's was a little more tentative.

“Bloody hell Bernie, that was.....” “Amazing?” murmured Bernie. “Yes, something like that” responded Serena, her hand searching for Bernie's, intertwining their fingers once again.

“Who'd have thought that 2 weeks ago I'd meet someone who would change the way I look at things and people in such a momentous way. This is a step I could never have foreseen taking,” Serena said with a deep throated chuckle.

And then she added quickly, “ But I do not regret this, Ms Wolfe, do you hear me?”

“I hear you” said Bernie, finally allowing a small amount of happiness to enter her heart. She raised Serena's hand and pressed it tenderly to her lips, and then sighed. “It's late, I should be thinking of going....where are my clothes?”

Serena laughed. “You idiot, you can't put those back on they're still soaking wet....” and Serena smirked, knowing full well she had had no intention of letting Bernie return home.

There was a long pause with Bernie finding her breathing become more laboured again, and Serena turned onto her side, and propped herself up on her arm so that she was looking down on Bernie. She felt her breathing falter too as she took in just how beautiful she looked and how much she desired her. She put her hand on Bernie's bare skin where the oversized t-shirt had ridden up and felt the tingle from touching her travel from her fingertips up her arm and then down to her very centre and her head swam. She pushed her hand even higher, until she could feel the soft underside of Bernie's breast, where she paused. “I guess you're going to have to spend the night, here, with me” she uttered and was transfixed as Bernie's eyes fluttered open and she saw how black they were, as she leant down and captured her lips again in a tantalisingly tender kiss.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There are about 29 Agatha Raisin titles which start with Agatha Raisin and the Quiche of Death. As I said they're not high end literature but they are amusing and well written. Nice light reading for when life seems a little overwhelming.  
> I promise there is smut to follow, so be sure to note the rating change on the next chapter


	10. La Petite Mort

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Please note the rating change.  
> A bit shorter than usual, but this one is pure smut.....that's it!

 

Chapter 10

 

La Petite Mort

 

 

 

As the kiss deepened, Serena slid her hand from beneath Bernie's breast, around to her back, to pull her closer and up into her arms. In response Bernie pushed herself upwards too, and placed one hand at the back of Serena's head, keeping their lips pressed close together. She pushed her tongue past Serena's parted lips and their tongues swept from side to side tasting each other. Serena heard herself moan, and tried to remember when she had ever felt so turned on by a single kiss. And soft, Bernie's lips were so soft and she couldn't help wondering if all women's lips felt this yielding, yet both strong and full of promise. Suddenly Bernie pushed herself even more upright and pulled their lips apart and stared searchingly into Serena's face.

“What?” hissed Serena, feeling irritated that Bernie had withdrawn, and worried that she was going to say they should stop, but the next second she closed her eyes in delight as Bernie kissed along her jawline until she reached her ear, which she nibbled, and then swept her tongue to her earlobe, which she then sucked hungrily into her mouth. Serena gasped as what felt like an electric shock shot down her spine, causing a throb of desire between her legs. Relinquishing her ear Bernie kissed all the way down her neck until she reached her pulse point where she alternated between sucking and nibbling, and each time that she sucked it was a little harder, making Serena moan again and throw her head back to afford Bernie better access. Bernie worked her way back up to her jaw and Serena slowly brought her head back so that they were staring at each other, their eyes so dilated that there seemed to be only a deep well of blackness. Their foreheads touched, their breathing came in ragged gasps. “Are you still alright?” asked Bernie cautiously, concerned that Serena was unusually silent. Serena nodded, but said nothing. She moved her head until it was nestling into Bernie's neck, and Bernie was forced to swing her legs around so that they were sitting side by side on the sofa again.

“Sorry,” said Bernie, as she moved them apart slightly to adjust her position. “Years of carry heavy books means that my back is not as flexible as it used to be, and the muscles spasm if I'm not careful.” But she quickly pulled Serena back into her body, pressing her head back to where it had lain before.

Serena was struggling to think clearly let alone have the ability to turn those thoughts into words to say out loud. She giggled silently, startling Bernie who immediately thought she was crying. “What's wrong?” she asked anxiously, gently stroking her arm. With a huge amount of effort Serena finally regained the ability to speak.

“Nothing....well..apart from you robbing me of all rational thought...and speech.”

“Then why were you crying?”

Serena raised her head from Bernie's shoulder and smiled. “I wasn't crying...I was sort of laughing.”

“And that's supposed to make me feel better, is it?” Bernie asked. Serena reached up and stroked her face trying to explain. “I was laughing because I wanted to find a way to express my feelings and I couldn't,...I was struck dumb. And then I stupidly wondered, if you're a lesbian is it a given that kissing another woman robs you of the power of speech? It might explain why a woman, not a million miles from here, whose whole life has been involved in promoting a love of words, often struggles to say anything coherently!”

Serena was teasing and she loved it when she saw the flush that suffused Bernie's face. When Bernie saw the twinkle in Serena's eye, she realised that Serena was playing with her, and she felt as if she had never seen anyone more beautiful.

“So...if I just want some peace and quiet, all I have to do is....” and she started to pepper Serena's face with little kisses...”this?....and this”....more kisses....”and definitely this?” as she captured Serena's lips again in a searing kiss. A minute or two later it was Serena who pushed Bernie slightly away, and moved her mouth close to her ear. “I think we need to be somewhere a little more comfortable, don't you? I wouldn't want to be responsible for your back giving out....not yet anyway.” And she stood up and held her hand out to Bernie who got to her feet a little awkwardly taking the proffered hand in hers but resisted slightly as Serena started to walk towards the stairs. “Serena, we don't have to....what I mean is, what we were doing down here is fine.....more than fine actually, so don't think that....I need or expect.... more.”

Serena shook her head and carried on walking with Bernie trailing ever so slightly behind as they climbed the stairs. When they reached the door of Serena's bedroom she turned to face Bernie and took a deep breath. “I'm not going to deny that I'm nervous, even apprehensive about....this step. But at the moment my desire to be with you is far outweighing any reservations I may have." She stopped for a moment. "However, if I promise to tell you if I'm not happy or comfortable about anything, does that help to put your mind at rest?” Bernie nodded, a shy smile spreading across her face. “And the same goes for you too, remember? So right now, or at anytime in the next....few hours.....you want to stop or take some time out, you just have to say. Okay?”

Bernie gulped, her mind completely freezing at the prospect of at least 2 hours of heady, pleasurable and hopefully passionate sex. She managed to croak a reply. “Fine....um....what shall we use...you know..as a safe word?” Serena rolled her eyes and shook her head in disbelief. “I'm not suggesting we get into any BDSM tonight you know. How about the word...stop?” Bernie blushed and smiled coyly, “Sorry, just you know....over thinking...again.”

Wasting no more time Serena pushed Bernie through the door and then down onto her bed and leaned over to kiss her gently. “Get in while I nip into the en-suite and freshen up, I promise I won't be long.” Bernie slid into the bed and shivered involuntarily, but not with the cold this time. As she waited for Serena to reappear she tried to close her mind to the all the possible scenarios that could ensue once she did. If there was one thing she didn't want to screw up through speculation, it was this. When Serena walked back into the bedroom, she had removed her make-up, but not her clothes, and she appeared to be walking a little hesitantly towards her. Bernie jumped up off the bed, and kissed her lightly on the nose. “Just stay there, one minute,” she said as she also dove into the bathroom. When she returned a couple of minutes later Serena was still standing in practically the same spot.

Bernie wrapped her arms around her and pulled her close to whisper in her ear. “A little earlier I was ordered to strip by a certain Ms Campbell, and I rather think that it's her turn now, don't you?” Serena's eyes widened and her breathing faltered, as Bernie continued. “But _I'd_ rather like to assist you if that's alright?” Serena nodded, her heart racing, well aware that this was for her, almost the biggest hurdle. She slipped her blouse off her shoulder and let it slide down her arms, as Bernie closed the curtains and switched on a small lamp by the side of the bed. She went back to stand in front of Serena and stroked down both of her arms, noting how covered in goosebumps she was. “Cold?” she queried, and Serena shook her head, so Bernie put her hands on her hips and caught hold of her camisole and started to lift it towards her head, keeping her eyes fixed intently on Serena's face I case she was feeling unhappy about anything. As she drew it upwards Serena lifted her arms to help her pull it over her head, and that too landed on the floor with her blouse. At this point Bernie looked away from her face down to her ample bosom encased in a pretty lace turquoise bra and her breathing hitched. Serena raised one of her hands to slightly cover herself, and Bernie reached out to move it back down to her side.

“Your breasts are wonderful, please don't be shy, they are glorious,” and so saying she planted a kiss on the slope of both, and then pressed a soft kiss right into her cleavage, causing Serena to whimper slightly. Bernie then put her hands on Serena's hips and slid her hands underneath the waistband of her trousers trailing her fingers round to the button at the front which she undid. She looked at Serena again and raised her eyebrows questioningly and Serena gave another little nod and swallowed nervously as Bernie pulled them down over her hips and helped Serena step out of them. She put her hands back onto Serena's hips and pulled her into a warm embrace kissing her lovingly. She sensed that Serena was still tense about her seeing her body and she moved her head to kiss her bare shoulder.

“You are one of the most....beautiful women..I have ever seen,” and she moved down to kiss across the top of her breasts, before stepping backwards to sit on the bed, with Serena still standing in front of her. She placed another row of kisses along her midriff causing Serena to put her hands on Bernie's shoulders to keep herself steady. “And I don't just mean your face...” Bernie moved even lower to Serena's stomach and licked a trail from her navel to the top of her panties kissing along the edge before grasping them in her teeth to tug her even closer and finished by softly kissing at the apex of her thighs causing Serena to squirm and dig her fingers into her flesh, feeling as if her legs had turned to jelly.

Bernie stood up and gathered her once more into her arms and then pulled her down onto the bed. She stroked across Serena's shoulders and caught a bra strap between her finger and thumb and slid it down her arm, repeating the action on the other side. She looked directly at her and asked gently, “Okay?” Serena flickered her eyes up to Bernie's face and nodded and smiled, her breathing already quite laboured. Bernie kissed one shoulder and then the other. She moved her head downwards so that her mouth could cover her already hardening nipple through the lacy material of her bra. Serena arched her back, moaning, and Bernie reached behind her to feel for the clasp which she quickly released. She moved her head back slightly relinquishing her mouth's hold and once again whispered, “Are you still fine?” Serena forced herself to open her eyes and gazed at Bernie. “So much more than fine,” she murmured in a low voice, and licked her lips which suddenly felt very dry. Bernie was almost overcome by the desire showing on Serena's face as she moved the bra down and away to join the growing pile of clothes on the floor. She feasted her eyes on Serena's breasts and groaned at the sight, nipples standing proud, and she brought her hands to cup and stroke the soft flesh surrounding them. She eased Serena back onto the bed, her head on the pillows and then moved her legs to straddle her, noting with delight the pink flush that was suffusing her chest and neck as she leaned forward to kiss her lips again briefly. Bernie brought her hands forward to fondle Serena's breasts before capturing both nipples between her finger and thumb rolling them gently at first, but gradually squeezing them harder and harder, ending with a pinch which caused Serena to buck her hips up off the bed. “Oh my god” she whimpered and Bernie placed both hands either side of her head as she once more took possession of Serena's lips, who parted them immediately to give access to Bernie's tongue while her own caressed the inside of Bernie's mouth as the kiss deepened. Bernie moved gradually down her neck, licking and kissing until she reached the swell of her breasts.

Serena was panting now, and Bernie was having to concentrate hard on her own breathing, to keep it as steady as she could. She so wanted Serena to have the best experience she could give her of being with a woman for the first time, and was forcing herself to take things slowly so that she was sure that she didn't feel rushed or pressured. Always wanted her to know that she had the choice of saying stop at any time. Bernie trailed her tongue onto Serena's right breast and licked in an ever-decreasing circle towards her nipple, and at the moment that she gently sucked it into her mouth, her hand also cupped the left breast, and grazed her fingertips and nails across the swollen tip. The pleasure centre in Serena's brain spiked and her hands flew out to her sides, grabbing hold of the sheet in an attempt to quell the sensation that she was falling from the edge of a cliff. Between her legs her clitoris started to throb and engorge and a warmth spread outwards as she twisted slightly which rubbed the material of her panties against her sex. That in itself brought further stimulation and she quickly stilled, frightened that any movement would be her undoing. Bernie gave one last flick to her right nipple and kissed her way across to the left, performing the same dance to lead her to its sensitive peak. As her mouth enveloped the ultra sensitive teat, sucking with increasing intensity, Serena opened her mouth and let out a squeal of pleasure and brought her hands up to Bernie's head to clutch at those blonde, soft curls trying to ensure she didn't move her mouth from that spot. At Serena's shriek Bernie had opened her mouth, temporarily relinquishing her hold, and scarcely moving she breathed the word “Good?” over it. “Hmm” replied Serena, gasping as she spoke, “it's...more sensitive.....that side..” Bernie closed her mouth over it again sucking a little harder and then flicked the incredibly sensitive tip before sucking again holding it between her tongue and her teeth.

Serena spoke again, her voice sounding a little strained. “Bernie?” “Hmmm?” hummed Bernie, which sent further vibrations shooting through all of Serena's nerve endings.

“Bernie....I don't think...I won't last....much longer” and she gave a deep guttural moan that caused Bernie to raise her head to look at her face, her teeth still holding onto her nipple which stretched upwards until Bernie let it go with a snap, coaxing another yelp out of Serena.

“Yes?....just from?...”

“Yes, really” croaked Serena, “I need....relief?”

Bernie moved off to Serena's side, propped up on her left arm and slid her right hand slowly down from her breasts to her stomach until she reached the top of her pants. As she continued the journey down Serena's body she whispered close to her ear, “Open your legs for me.” Serena hadn't thought she could feel any more aroused but at those words she felt herself flood with desire and she quickly responded, feeling Bernie's hand move over her panties to cup her mound, her fingers curving inwards. Bernie could hardly believe how wet the material between Serena's legs was, in fact it had leaked through and all the tops of her thighs were wet too. She finally understood then how close Serena was to coming, so she quickly returned her hand to the top of her last remaining item of clothing and tugged gently at them, encouraging Serena to lift her hips slightly so that she could push them clear of what would be her final target. She put her mouth close to Serena's ear and in a low, very sexy voice whispered, “You _are_ wet, very wet aren't you?” and Serena felt a hot flush suffuse her face, as Bernie murmured again into her ear. “Can you feel it trickling down under your thighs?”

Serena bit her lip and nodded, nearly screaming in her need for Bernie to touch her, every breath was ragged and even lifting her hips as Bernie removed the panties had nearly been more than she could stand. She desperately wanted release, but the build up to the precipice had been so exquisite she almost didn't want it to end. The teasingly slow build up was both wonderful and excruciating in equal measure. Bernie's hand traveled up between her legs and she trailed a finger to barely press through her labia, carefully avoiding that bundle of nerves that would bring instant relief. She leant over and kissed Serena tenderly as she brought her glistening finger up and whispered again, “Look Serena, see how wet my finger is, from you,” and as Serena opened her eyes Bernie licked the finger, before she pushed it right into her mouth sucking hard. As soon as she removed it she kissed Serena more forcefully, pressing her tongue right into her mouth so that Serena caught a taste of herself, and she growled with desire.

Bernie moved her mouth down to Serena's breast and sucked her nipple into her mouth at the same time as she returned her hand between her legs, and coating her finger with juices on the way she gently inserted a finger straight into her opening, making Serena arch upwards off the bed, bucking her hips. “Easy tiger,” said Bernie before returning her mouth to the nipple she was lavishing so much attention on, keeping her finger still inside her. “More!” gasped Serena, feeling herself hurtling towards the cliff, “please.” Bernie pulled her finger out and then added another as she pushed back in with a little more force. She could hear Serena whimpering and felt her start to writhe, so she brought her leg up to drape across one of her thighs in an effort to steady her, and as Serena's cries got louder she inserted a third finger and began to pump in and out, finally bring her palm to rest on her clit for the first time, and Serena shrieked in ecstasy as Bernie worked her hand faster and faster. Suddenly Bernie felt Serena's whole body stiffen and the walls of her vagina clamped around her fingers, pulsing strongly as Serena's orgasm consumed her. She slowed her hand but kept her fingers inside her until she saw and felt her shoulders relax back onto the bed, at which point she withdrew, but still kept her hand between her legs, pressing a finger against her clit.

Serena's eyes flew open in surprise as Bernie started to circle it with her middle finger, and she felt another surge of arousal. “Bernie...I've already..” “Shush,” said Bernie, “just stop me if it gets too sensitive, but try to relax, it'll be worth it, I promise you” Serena swallowed noisily, but nodded and closed her eyes as she felt the pleasure mounting once more. “If you think can, keep looking at me” Bernie said softly, and kissed her gently, as her finger moved around and around its target, just occasionally dragging across the tip of the very swollen pink bud. Serena turned her head to look at Bernie and her breathing hitched as she saw such a gloriously loving smile on her face. She reached out with one of her hands to clutch Bernie's thigh and dug her fingers in as each movement from Bernie's finger took her to new heights of ecstasy. Bernie was now dragging her finger from side to side across her clit increasing the pressure with every swipe until Serena closed her eyes and threw her head back onto the pillow, her mouth open in a soundless scream as her second orgasm totally overwhelmed her. Bernie moved her hand away so that there was no pressure, but slid her fingers back towards her opening. The whole area around Serena's vagina, including the sheet, was now slick with the evidence of both of her climaxes.

After a couple of minutes, Serena managed to open her eyes to see Bernie gazing at her tenderly. “You okay?” she asked. Serena opened her mouth to speak, but no sound came out. A slight smirk played across Bernie's features. “Do you want to try that again Ms Campbell?” Serena took a deep breath and managed to find a small, weak voice, quite unlike her usual deep velvety tones. “I've never...twice..so fast.”

“Really?....Not with anyone?” Serena shook her head, and Bernie's grin spread right across her face. “You needn't look quite so pleased with yourself” Serena muttered as she looked at Bernie, “but it was....bloody marvellous!” and she gave her a shy smile. Bernie applied a little pressure where her hand was still resting between her legs. “I was going to try for a 'hat-trick' if you think you're up to it” and she curled her fingers so that the tips just entered her opening again. Serena's eyes widened and her mouth formed a soundless 'oh', as Bernie continued to press forward. Serena put her hand down to grasp Bernie's arm to still her movement. “Sorry,“ said Bernie instantly, “is it too much, too soon?...Sorry.” Serena sighed and put her other hand on Bernie's face stroking her cheek, and pushed a wayward blonde curl behind her ear. “I have no doubt that you could coax me into submission,” she said softly, “but what about you?”

Bernie carefully removed her fingers and kissed Serena, pulling at her bottom lip with her teeth. “I'm enjoying myself just as much as you appear to have done, we don't have to get into the whole 'taking turns' scenario,” she replied. Serena smiled, “But I want to help you.....you know.....and if you continue to make it all about me...I'll probably end up unconscious!” Serena looked up and down Bernie's body before continuing “And you do seem to be a little over-dressed. I would like to see a bit more of you.”

Bernie stared at Serena and winked. “How about a compromise?” and she sat up and moved back to her original position of straddling Serena. She grabbed hold of the edge of the t-shirt and looked down at her. “So, are you telling me you'd like me to lose this?” Serena licked her lips and nodded, putting her hands on Bernie's waist, and already panting in anticipation. She pulled it off in one swift motion and Serena gave a guttural moan as she took in the sight of Bernie's enviably pert breasts, the nipples and areola a beautiful dusky pink. She reached up to cup both of them, wondering for a split second what it would feel like to touch another woman's body, to know in your head how it feels to have your breasts fondled and imagine what they will feel when you touch theirs. As her hands closed almost reverently around them she was taken with how soft they were and how hard the nipples felt, like little bullets resting in the centre of her palms. She grazed her nails across Bernie's breasts and as Bernie had done to her she captured each nipple between her finger and thumb, rolling and twisting and pulling, causing Bernie to arch her back and toss her head backwards, making her messy blond curls to whip around her face as she steadied herself to look at Serena.

“God, that's good,” she mumbled, “and I'm already so turned on by you that I am very close to coming.”

Bernie rolled to one side so that she could slide the pyjama bottoms off, and then quickly returned to her previous position with her legs either side of Serena's body. She took one of Serena's hands and brought it between her legs, and Serena, her eyes taking in the wonderful sight of Bernie, naked, for her, pressed just hard enough for her fingers to push through her folds and she could feel how wet she was. Serena's eyes widened as Bernie leaned forward and kissed her passionately. As they broke apart Bernie murmured in her ear, “Can you feel that? How drenched I am for you? You did that to me.....with your beautiful body....and the way you looked when you came for me. Shall we try to make the next orgasm together?” Serena nodded and pulled Bernie flat against her so that their nipples were rubbing against each other and their legs intertwined. They lay there for a few minutes gazing into each others eyes placing butterfly kisses around their faces and necks until Serena bent her head further down and captured one of Bernie's nipples between her teeth and then sucking the whole nipple into her mouth applying pressure with her tongue, holding the bud between it and the roof of her mouth, sucking as hard as she could. Bernie gave a high pitched wail as the stimulation reached right down into her very core. She put her hands either side of Serena's head to ease her away and looked at her with eyes that were almost pure black. She pushed her leg in-between Serena's so that her upper thigh was pressing hard against her clit, and then moved Serena's left leg up over her hip so that her sex was more open and she could feel Serena's juices coating her thigh. Bernie spoke softly, telling Serena what she would like her to do.

“In a minute put two of your fingers into me and as soon as we have a rhythm going quickly insert a third, okay?” Serena smiled and reached between Bernie's legs to get her fingers covered in her juices ready, flicking lightly at her clit as she did, causing Bernie to groan with desire. Bernie put her hand around to Serena's backside and pulled her towards her creating a rocking movement that rubbed Serena's sex roughly along her thigh. Serena soon picked up the regular movement and as she moved forwards she pushed her fingers deep into Bernie, moving in and out at the same speed as she was rocking against her thigh. Bernie was already beyond the point at which she could advise Serena on any further technique, her head thrown back and her mouth open, making small mewling noises. As Serena felt her orgasm mounting she quickened the rocking, and on the next push into Bernie she inserted the third finger and instinctively curved her fingers, each thrust becoming more and more forceful, and in seconds Bernie gave a high-pitched cry as she came. Serena felt the walls of her vagina clenching around her fingers, and Bernie's juices flooded all over her hand, while Serena, still rocking felt her own impending orgasm and grabbed hold of Bernie so that she could grind even harder against her thigh and moments later joined her, shuddering to a climax. Panting hard they stared at one another as grins broke out over their faces, and Bernie surged forward to kiss Serena with all the strength she had left until they had to break apart in order to breath. They slowly disentangled themselves and lay there with just their foreheads touching.

“Time for some sleep?” asked Bernie and Serena nodded emphatically. “I may need to sleep for a week,” said Serena weakly, “I'm not even sure I could stand at the moment.” Bernie gave a little giggle. “My pleasure, and I do mean _my_ pleasure.”

“I know both of us and the bed could do with a little cleaning up,” said Serena sleepily, “fuck, I'll probably need a new mattress, but right now....would you..just cuddle me?” Bernie told Serena to turn onto her side and she pulled her close so that she was spooning her. She reached for the duvet and covered them both lightl and wrapped her arm around Serena's waist stroking her stomach gently. Serena put her hand over Bernie's and turned her head slightly to say softly, “Thank you, that was one of the most....moving experiences I've ever had. I...I'm so..happy.” Bernie felt tears come into her eyes and she kissed the top of Serena's head. “Me too....that was...beyond words.” She felt Serena's breathing deepen as she drifted off to sleep, and it was only minutes later that Bernie too fell into a dreamless slumber.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The story should be moving on next time, but once smut has reared its head, there's usually more to follow


	11. Doubts and Fears

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The day after the night before..

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this has taken a little longer than normal to post. Life is a bit busy and slightly more complicated at the moment, so not so much time available to get things typed up. I'll still be writing though, and I'll get the chapters posted as soon as I can.

 

Chapter 11

 

Doubts and Fears

 

 

Serena gradually awoke from one of the best night's rest she'd had since she had discovered the strange birthday card amongst her late mother's personal correspondence. And in that weird moment between sleeping and waking she was momentarily startled to realise that she was not alone, that there was an arm draped around her waist, and that she was naked! Her eyes flew open in alarm, and there, gazing at her was Bernie, and in a millisecond the memories of last night came flooding back. She felt herself blush and she lowered her eyes, trying not to focus on the top of Bernie's breasts that were just showing above the duvet.

“Hey” said Bernie softly. “Sleep well?” Serena took a deep breath and forced herself to look back at Bernie's face. “Uh huh. Really well, thank you.” She knew she sounded stilted, but she was struggling to know how to act, or what to say about what they had shared. Bernie moved her hand from around Serena's waist and brought it up to stroke her cheek, and then moved slowly closer to press a gentle kiss on her lips. Although Serena's mind was still fuzzy, her body acted instinctively and she found herself responding, kissing her back, enjoying once more the softness and the tingles that she felt from their lips meshing together. When Bernie pulled back she looked at Serena searchingly. “Are you okay about...…everything?” Her stomach was churning as she considered the possibility that Serena was already regretting the passion of last night.

Serena hesitated. “It's a lot to process when I've just woken up......and I'm not entirely sure I've remembered everything at the moment.” She watched Bernie's face become blank as she turned her eyes away from Serena's gaze, causing Serena to mentally 'face palm' herself when she grasped the effect those words had had. “Bernie...Bernie That didn't sound quite how I meant it to. Please...please don't think that I regret it......because I don't.” And it was Serena's turn to bring a comforting hand to Bernie's face and run her fingers through the soft golden tendrils of hair. “It just takes a little time...to adjust...to process all those..new feelings, you know?

How about you...have you any regrets?”

A little light came back into Bernie's eyes as she listened to Serena and took in what she was trying to say. She move a little closer and propped herself up on her elbow so she could look down on Serena's face. “Looking at you, how could I regret a thing....It was wonderful, one of the best experiences of my life. And it was so special because....it was with you. Even if you had told me that for you it was a big mistake,....I still, in the end, couldn't.....wouldn't wish it had ever happened.” and encouraged by the shy smile that Serena gave her after hearing her words, she bent over and captured Serena's lips again, this time it was a little more pressing, more intimate, and Serena found herself reaching up, placing her hand behind Bernie's head to pull her deeper into the kiss. It wasn't frenzied, and there were no fireworks or bells ringing, but she felt a warmth that started small in her very core and then grew and radiated outwards until it seemed to fill her whole body, her soul. They finally broke apart when their need to breathe became too great to ignore, and they found they had drawn even closer, their naked bodies now pressed together. Serena nestled her head into Bernie's neck and she could hear the rapid beating of both of their hearts.

“Wow” murmured Bernie into Serena's sleep ruffled hair, feeling more peaceful and relaxed as she could remember, for some time. They lay there for many minutes with no need for words, just..being. And as they luxuriated in each others presence, Serena gradually began to feel less anxious that she had spent last night sharing her bed, and her body with a woman. Finally it was Bernie who had to move, and as she edged herself out of bed, she turned to explain. “Sorry, the joys of being middle-aged...I need the loo,” and she beat a hasty track to the en-suite. Serena watched Bernie, seeing for the first time, her naked, extremely toned, body. Bernie was herself seemingly unselfconscious about being seen. Serena sighed and lifted the duvet to look down at her own body, which she had always known was nowhere as youthful looking as Bernie's. Her boobs, yes, she did like her boobs, they were......bountiful, and she knew that men in general were very happy to bury their heads into her cleavage. And they were sensitive too, so she got an an inordinate amount of pleasure when lovers lavished them with affection. But...and it was a big but..her stomach and hips? She struggled with those. They looked fine when they were encased in clothes, she even had the confidence to swing her hips and sashay to attract attention....but naked? To her they looked every one of her 50 odd years, a bit flabby, and when she compared them to Bernie,....she couldn't believe that in daylight she would find her sexually attractive at all. She was just trying to calculate if she could make it to where her bathrobe was hanging, when the door to the en-suite opened and Bernie ran lightly back to the bed to dive under the duvet.

“Brrr, it's a bit chilly out there, should have picked up my loaned nightwear from the floor,” and she gave a chuckle as she scooted closer to Serena to get warm. “Now, where were we?” she whispered in her ear, quite aware that Serena had been checking her out when she had got out of bed. Serena had never felt so many conflicting emotions, as Bernie's words had sent a thrill running through her, but she couldn't chase away the doubts that had now crept back and she moved away, towards the edge of the bed on her side. “I...I need the loo as well,” she managed to croak, but then it dawned on her, far too late that she would have to exit the bed naked, and she felt herself go red with embarrassment and fear. Bernie had stilled beside her, already aware that something wasn't right, and couldn't fathom out what it could be. But when Serena made no attempt to go to the toilet and she saw how much she was blushing, she surmised correctly that, for whatever reason, she didn't want Bernie watching her as she got out of bed. “I tell you what,” said Bernie, swinging her legs out and reaching for her pyjama bottoms and t-shirt, “I'm going to pop downstairs and make us both a cup of coffee. Do you want anything to eat?”

Serena's whole body sagged with relief when she heard those words. “Nothing to eat, but a coffee would be lovely, thanks.” Bernie went downstairs and Serena bolted for the bathroom grabbing hold of her robe on the way. She sat on the toilet seat, her legs shaking. What on earth is wrong with me, she thought, I've never been this nervous about a man seeing me with no clothes. She had a quick wash and wrapped the bathrobe around her, and then went back into the bedroom and sat on the edge of the bed, undecided about what to do next. This degree of uncertainty about her body was totally alien to her and she found it very unnerving. She tried some deep breathing to ground herself and did her best to remember that this was Bernie, the woman she had happily dragged into her bed last night because she had wanted to, so much. Suddenly Serena's thoughts clarified and she understood what was causing her anxiety. The men that she had been intimate with in recent years, when or if they had seen her naked hadn't, in that moment, had anyone to compare her with, and were also more likely to be influenced by how satisfied _they_ felt. They were men who had been content with the woman in front of them because she was, first and foremost the woman that was going to make them physically happy. But Bernie..Bernie had all the same bits that she had...but better. Unfortunately the dawning of this knowledge did nothing to make her feel better. She startled when the door opened and Bernie entered with two mugs of coffee. “Here, strong and hot, just how you like it!” she declared, and she went and sat next to her on the bed, putting their coffee on the bedside table. She put her arm around Serena and pulled her close, rubbing her back, and resting her hand on Serena's shoulder trying to offer some degree of comfort. “Talk to me Serena, tell me what's wrong. I know I'm the one who normally struggles with words, but you're making it a close-run thing.........I want to help....if I can.”

Serena rested her head on Bernie's shoulder. “It's...complicated, and this, this is all so new, so different. I'm sure you know me well enough to know that I like to be in control, and right now I'm not in control at all.......least of all of myself.” Bernie didn't say anything, waiting to see if Serena had anything further to add; partly because she was scared of saying the wrong thing, and partly because she was anxious that, despite what she had said earlier, Serena was struggling to cope with the intimacy they had shared. After a couple of minutes, when Serena didn't add anything more, Bernie reached past her and picked up a mug to give to her. “Come on, it'll be strong, but it won't stay hot for long. In fact, get back into bed and lean against the pillows, you'll be more comfortable.” She stood up so that Serena could manoeuvre her way under the duvet again, and then handed her the mug. She sat down by the side of her and took a couple of mouthfuls of her coffee before speaking again.

“Serena?” Serena's eyes flickered up to hers and held them for a second, but then cast down again as a slight flush coloured her cheeks. “That's the second time you've blushed this morning and I get the feeling that it's because you're embarrassed for some reason. But I don't think it's about what we shared last night.....at least not just because of that. Won't you tell me? Seeing you like this....this is killing me.....not knowing how......not knowing _why_. I'd rather you...tell me straight out...if you want me to go.” Bernie's breath caught in her throat and she felt her eyes fill with water, so she had to blink rapidly to dispel it before it could fall down her cheeks. Serena put her mug down and and took one of Bernie's hands in her own. “I'm sorry, I was making this all about me and how I felt, I hadn't even considered how my behaviour would affect you. Which is awful...” she cleared her throat, but couldn't quite look Bernie in the eye.”Last night was....wonderful. I didn't ever expect to enjoy the....sex as much as I did, as much as I've ever done.” “But?” said Bernie in a small voice. Serena took a deep breath and the words just came spilling out in a rush. “When you got out of bed this morning and you looked so good and then I looked at my body and it just seemed so old and flabby and unattractive and I knew that if you saw me in daylight with no clothes on you'd be so put off that you'd never want to make love to me again...”

Bernie's head snapped up and she stared at Serena in amazement, and part of her wanted to laugh at how ridiculous she was being, but knew that Serena was deadly serious and incredibly vulnerable. Serena spoke again, her eyes still cast down. “How do you do it....look so good...at our age.” Bernie stretched out her arm and put a finger under Serena's chin, tipping it back so that she could look directly into her eyes.

“There is no way on this earth that I could find you unattractive.” She traced along Serena's lips with her finger. “Your smile makes my heart flip, especially when it's directed at me. You seem to think that my body is superior to yours, but it's not.” Serena started to protest and Bernie pressed a finger to her lips to silence her. “I promise you..it's not!” She knelt on the bed in front of Serena. “When you look at me you aren't just seeing the physical aspect, hopefully you see the whole person, the part of me that loves to make you smile and be happy, the part that wants to protect you and care for you. Because that's what I see when I look at you.” She reached out and loosened the belt that was holding the robe closed and Serena stiffened. “I know that your body is different to mine......I know that you carry more weight than I do...but for me...that's perfection.” She pushed the top of the robe slightly apart, and gently trailed her finger down Serena's cleavage. “Your beautiful breasts.” She stroked the outside of her legs through the fluffy material. “Your strong thighs.” And then she moved the edges of the bathrobe slightly further apart where it was covering her stomach and stroked the skin there gently. “But most of all I love and envy this part of you, so soft....so womanly” and Bernie's breath hitched and her voice wobbled. “It did the most wonderful thing of all, something that mine never managed to.....it carried a life in it, protected it, fed it until it was ready and then brought that life into this world,” and finally the tears did fall and Serena pushed herself forward to gather Bernie into her arms as she sobbed. “I'm sorry” she murmured, “Bernie, I'm so sorry.”

They sat there for many minutes, holding each other, Serena stroking Bernie's hair and face, kissing away any tears that were still falling. She knew that at some point in the future, if they had a future, she would have to try to get Bernie to open up about this, but now was not the time. With her head resting against Serena's chest Bernie spoke softly. “I didn't mean for that to happen. I just wanted you to know that you are very....important to me, all of you, there isn't an inch of you that I would wish was different.” Serena pushed Bernie away from her slightly, just so she could look at her face properly. “I'm the one who should be apologising....for being so vain, for being an old fool. But I was thinking like that because...I was scared of losing you. You're become really important to me as well.” And she captured her lips in a delicate yet lingering kiss. When they broke apart, they were both smiling. Bernie exhaled noisily. “ When I first woke up this morning, all I could think about was sharing that shower with you. But I think, given our very emotional state, that that delight is best saved for another occasion....when we're feeling a little less 'fragile'. Agreed?” Serena nodded, grateful that, in spite of what Bernie had said, she wouldn't have to face her demons right now. “And,” continued Bernie, “I still have to sort out my clothes, which I imagine are still wet. So, how about you use the bathroom while I try to iron my clothes dry, and then we'll swap. You do have an iron I presume?”

Serena pushed Bernie off the bed in mock outrage. “Of course I do! How do you think I manage to look so groomed and immaculate every day! You, on the other hand, do you even know how to iron?” Bernie stood in the doorway looking back at Serena and stuck her tongue out. “There was more than one occasion last night where you didn't look so groomed, I can tell you,” and she exited swiftly before Serena could think of a retort.

About an hour later, when they were both showered and dressed and Serena had thrown a number of items into the washing machine, including the sheet, and Bernie had helped her flip the mattress, they were sitting at the dining table trying to decide what they wanted to do for the rest of the day. Serena switched on her laptop, waiting to see if Jason had replied to her email. It pinged almost immediately, causing Bernie to smile as she thought back to yesterday. Serena raised her eyebrows and took a deep breath before she opened it. After a couple of minutes Bernie couldn't contain herself. “Well, what does he say?”

Serena smiled a watery smile and blinked away a few tears. “He, er...he says he would like to come here, to see where I live, and...er..he would like to see some photos of his grandma.....if that's okay with me.” She brushed away another tear, so Bernie came around the table to sit next to her. “He says Alan made him put in the 'if I don't mind' bit but he can't see why it was necessary.” She laughed shakily, and Bernie covered her hand that was resting on the table, which she grasped thankfully. “He finishes by saying that as he's quite fussy about what he eats (Alan made him put that in too), he will send me his mother's recipe for Shepherds pie, as he's missed that quite a lot and the way Alan makes it is rubbish.” Serena turned towards Bernie and buried her head into her chest. Bernie stroked Serena's back while she composed herself and then pressed a little kiss on the top of her head. “Has he suggested a day when he could come?” Serena pulled herself upright and looked back at the screen. “Apparently Wednesday is the best for him, out of the days I'm not at work, and he's hoping it could be this Wednesday coming. Will you....will you be able to be here?” she asked tentatively. Bernie grimaced. “Not until about 4.00pm I'm afraid. There's a big meeting in town about future cuts to the library service that I really need to attend. What time has he said he could be here?”

“About 2pm I would imagine. It seems he attends a college during the morning which finishes at 1.00pm. Oh god, I _wish_ you could be here.”

Bernie gave her a cuddle. “You'll be fine. You could have some pictures ready, and maybe think of some stories you could tell about your Mom. She was quite a character from the little you've told me. And then, well, maybe you could ask him if he'd like to assist you to make the Shepherds Pie. He might have helped his Mom, or at least watched sometimes. And then, if you want me to, I'll come straight from town and perhaps chat with him while you're finishing the dinner.” Serena's face lit up. “Oh that sounds brilliant, thank you,” and she lunged at Bernie, crashing their lips together, taking her completely by surprise. Before she had time to react Serena had moved away and was busy typing her reply to Jason.

“Okay...good..right..” was all the response that Bernie could think of, and was still reeling slightly from the assault on her mouth, when Serena pressed send and closed the laptop with a snap. “What do you want to do now,” she asked Bernie brightly. “Well,” said Bernie, standing up and pulling Serena to her feet and into her arms, “I'd quite like to finish what you just started.” She bent her head slightly to seek out Serena's lips, pressing hers to them in a rather more tender and languid way, pushing her tongue forwards gently as Serena relaxed and allowed her entrance. A few moans issued from Serena which vibrated through them both, causing a whimper from Bernie as their bodies moved closer together, and she slid her hands over Serena's buttocks digging her fingers in as their hips rotated. When they finally came up for air, they were both smiling giddily.

“Hmm,” hummed Bernie. “Right, I need to go home for a change of clothes. Do you want to come with me...or?” Serena bit her lip, not sure whether heart or head would prevail, but finally answered in the negative. “I've got some washing that will need getting out of the machine soon, and a bed to remake,” and Serena turned a pretty shade of pink which Bernie thought was adorable. “But, I hope that we might do something later?” and then blushed again as Bernie raised an eyebrow, teasingly, before replying. “Did I hear you say you wanted to 'do' me later Ms Campbell?”

“No! I meant go..go somewhere later,” Serena hastily said, and she then gave Bernie a playful shove.

“That sounds great,” said Bernie. “Will you allow me to arrange it....as a surprise?” Serena grabbed her waist and spun her around until she had her pinned against the table. “What...like a date?” Now it was Bernie's turn to blush. “I.....I suppose so...sort of. Yes?”

They stared at each other, suddenly overwhelmed by a new set of feelings that washed over them. Bernie raised her hand to caress Serena's face. She leant forwards and placed a kiss where her hand had just been. “I'll text you in about an hour to let you know what time I'll be picking you up.” Serena nodded, feeling like a young girl again, that little thrill of excitement, as if she were making plans to meet a boy without her parent's permission. “Don't forget to let me know the sort of clothes I should wear, I don't want to get dressed for a fancy restaurant wearing 3 inch heels, and end up at a bowling alley!” Bernie gave one of her honking laughs, that still startled Serena, and she grabbed her things and ran down the drive to where she had parked the car last night. As she switched on the engine she couldn't stop the bubble of glee that burst out of her mouth, and she pulled away from the kerb a lot faster than usual, such was her excitement to get home and start planning their evening.

Serena had been a little startled at the speed at which Bernie had left. She had been ready for another kiss, and her stomach did it's usual little flip at the thought, which led her once more to the memories of last night and she found herself grinning like an idiot. As she pulled the washing out of the machine she also reflected on how she had nearly wrecked everything this morning, and how considerate Bernie had been of how she had been feeling. She wasn't sure she would ever lose all the insecurities she had over her body, but she was determined that it shouldn't interfere with her growing relationship with the blonde haired, long-limbed, sexy librarian.

True to her word, Bernie sent a text to Serena just over an hour later, explaining that she would pick her up about 6.30pm, and that she should wear warm clothes and sensible shoes. Serena wasn't too sure how she felt at this news. It sounded as if most of the time they would be outside, and while she didn't mind that per se, she had sort of been hoping for something a bit more romantic, where she could have had her best assets a little more on display. But, in the end, she was still getting to spend time in Bernie's company, and she was intrigued to see where they would be heading.

It was 6.00pm and Bernie was just about to leave to go and pick up Serena when she suddenly began to have doubts about her plans for the evening. She was so nervous about how Serena would react, and was considering ringing to see if she could get a last minute reservation at a fancy restaurant intead. Then her logical head kicked in telling her that she didn't have to try too hard to impress, as the fact that they fancied each other was already well established – cue memories of last night – and Serena was unlikely to be happy to be told she should rethink her choice of attire at this late stage. No, she would stick with her original plan. They still had so much to find out about each other, and she was very aware they were very different people, regardless of their mutual attraction. There would be misunderstandings and mistakes made, but it was all part of the challenge and fun of a new relationship. Even with all this reasoning going on in her head, it didn't stop her stomach from churning as she drew up at Serena's house. Inside the house, keeping a watchful eye through the window, Serena's stomach was behaving in much the same way. As the car headlights announced Bernie's arrival, she jumped up and grabbed her coat and opened the front door before Bernie had a chance to ring the bell. “I need to know if I should wear a hat,” said Serena abruptly, much to Bernie's surprise. “Oh, well..maybe, I don't have one but I rarely bother, but ….I don't know! Do you feel the cold much?” Serena rolled her eyes before reaching behind the door to pick something up. “Okay...let's go.” When they were in the car and ready to move off, Bernie looked down at what Serena had sitting on her lap and couldn't quite suppress a snort of laughter. “What?!” said Serena, a little huffily, and Bernie quickly removed the smirk that was on her face. “Nothing...well, I just wasn't expecting your hat to be quite so......cat-like...I mean..fluffy.” Serena glared at her. “I'll have you know that this hat has been keeping me warm since 2014, and if we're spending any significant amount of time outside then this comes as well!”

“Fine, I'm sure you look lovely in it” said Bernie doing her best to sound sincere as she was now panicking even more about their date. “You look lovely in everything” she added, meaning every word. Serena relaxed slightly. “Good save,” she said, and she put her hand on Bernie's knee and gave it a slight squeeze, then left it there, occasionally stroking  along her thigh as they set off.

Before long, Serena worked out that they were headed for the harbour in Holby, and was trying to think what that might mean, other than walk along the quayside and maybe a meal at one of the bars or restaurants at some point. As they got closer Serena realised that she had forgotten how close they were to Christmas, and that every weekend there was a Christmas market with stalls and a big wheel and an ice rink.For the first time since she had surmised that they would be outside Serena started to get a little bit excited. This might be fun she thought to herself. As Serena was gaining in confidence about the evening Bernie was losing hers. After parking, she switched off the the engine and swiveled round to look directly at Serena. “We don't have to....I mean I haven't booked anything.., so if you'd rather not..you know, we..” but before she could say anymore Serena had released her seatbelt and pushed a finger against Bernie's lips to silence her. “Not another word” she said firmly. “This is fine, I've never been to this before, and even if I had it would still be fine, because I'd be here with you.” She replaced her finger with her lips for a brief moment. Bernie got out of the car and walked round to help Serena out and as she did she bent down and stole a very quick kiss that left them both smiling.

“I thought we might look for some Christmas presents while we're here, and I sort of hoped you might help me a little.” She pulled a face. “And perhaps help me keep a lid on how much I spend. Not having much family to speak of, Steve always says I go a bit OTT when I buy presents for the staff.” Serena was grinning from ear to ear. “Nothing I like more than a bit of shopping, except a bargain. Love a bargain, me.” And she hooked her arm through Bernies as they made their way to the market. They had a great time wandering up and down the stalls and although there weren't many bargains to be had, Serena did manage to curb Bernie's tendency to impulse buy. In fact she came away with 4 presents so she was very pleased. Serena's main focus of interest were the handmade jewellery stands and she found a lovely choker for part of Elinor's present.Bernie was also playing very close attention to all the items that Serena seemed to be particularly taken with, and vowed to herself that she would return soon to make a purchase. After about an hour and a half, they were both feeling a little peckish and so they climbed some steps by the fountain to find the food fayre, where they could sit and eat their fill of German street food.

They spent most of the time gazing at each other as they ate, sharing little anecdotes of past Christmas's, until Bernie felt that Serena's attention was wandering, and she kept fidgeting in her seat. “What's wrong?” asked Bernie anxiously. “Hmm?..Oh, nothing,” said Serena, “well, I was just wondering if we might,.......perhaps try out the ice-rink?” Bernie raised her eyebrows. “Are you sure? I mean I was hoping...but I didn't think it would be your sort of thing?”

“You make me feel adventurous, and,” Serena put her mouth by Bernie's ear and said quietly, “it would give us a very good excuse to cling tightly to each other!” Bernie hooted with laughter, which caused a certain amount of amusement amongst their fellow diners.

They headed off towards the ice rink, and once they had changed their shoes for ice skates and left their purchases in the lockers provided they walked awkwardly down to the ice. “Have you ever skated before?” asked Serena a little nervously. “Well, I can get round a rink without looking drunk,” laughed Bernie, “but I'm no Jane Torvill!” She held out her hand to help Serena onto the ice, and once she was steady they both pushed off carefully, their arms wrapped firmly around each others' waists. They tentatively glided around the edge of the rink with only a couple of wobbly moments. After 3 circuits their eyes were shining and they were both laughing with the effort of staying upright. Serena put her hand to the side and let go of Bernie. “Go on, I'm sure you're itching to speed up a bit. Give yourself a circuit or two at the pace you'd like.” She started to protest but Serena insisted, saying she needed to catch her breath. So Bernie sped off, at a much faster rate, her arms spread wide to help keep her balance. Serena watched her adoringly, admiring the lithe figure and striking face, and her hair being tossed by the wind. After a couple of laps she returned and grabbed hold of the side with both hands pinning Serena against the hoarding. She moved in close so that their bodies were pressed together and she whispered in her ear. “You must be feeling chilly standing here, even with your fluffy hat. Do you want one more go or are you ready to go home?”

Serena hesitated. “I was wondering about having a little go by myself, if you didn't mind waiting.” Bernie blinked in surprise. “I don't mind, as long as you're sure you'll be okay on your own?”

“Only one way to find out. Here, you can have my hat to help keep you warm.” and she squashed it onto Bernie's head, and pushed herself clear of the throng of people that were feeling their way round, holding on to the barrier. She skated quite confidently into the centre and then turned to wave at Bernie who was already suspecting that Serena wasn't the novice she had pretended to be. She was skating along effortlessly and then turned and started to skate backwards for a while, before turning again so that she was going against the flow of the other skaters, weaving easily in and out to avoid any collisions. Bernie's jaw had dropped and she stood with her mouth open realising that this gorgeous female had been teasing her and that she was a far superior skater than Bernie, herself. She started to smile as she watched her, captivated by the confidence and sheer beauty of the woman. She was showing off and Bernie loved her for it. Serena suddenly changed direction again and was skating towards Bernie at what appeared to be break-neck speed, given the crowded rink. She skidded to a halt right in front of her, making Bernie flinch. Her eyes were sparkling and there was so much merriment showing on her face that Bernie couldn't resist and she pulled her close and kissed her with fervour. When they broke apart Bernie was still grinning. “You, you.. minx! You certainly had me fooled. You were so good!” Serena batted her eyelids. “I couldn't resist. I knew you'd think I couldn't skate, but blame Torvill and Dean, and a mother who hated sitting with all the other dance moms waiting for me when I took dance classes. This was a compromise that ended up suiting us both.” She took her hat back off Bernie. “By the way, this doesn't suit you at all,” and both of them laughing they made the decision to head home.

By the time they got back to the car, they were both quite tired, and when Bernie suggested stopping somewhere on the way back for a drink, Serena shook her head. “I think I'd rather have a glass of wine at home, if that's alright with you.” She put her hand on Bernie's arm before she started the car. “Thank you,” she said. “I've had a lovely evening....I don't think it could have been any better.” She kissed her cheek, and Bernie felt herself turn a little pink under Serena's gaze. “You're very welcome,” was all she said.

Thirty minutes later they pulled up on Serena's drive and Bernie switched off the ignition. They sat there for a while not saying anything but Serena finally stretched out her hand to take hold of Bernie's and their fingers intertwined. Serena cleared her throat. “Ahem..Are you coming in?” Bernie tried to control her breathing. “I don't know......am I?” There was another pause. “Oh, this is ridiculous,” said Serena. “At least come in while I or we have a drink and we try to sort out what's going on!” They got out of the car and Bernie followed Serena into the lounge where they both sat down on the sofa. “So, what's the problem Bernie?”

“I'm still not sure how you are feeling about last night. I don't know if you want to take a few steps back and just.....oh...start again as if it didn't happen. I know I don't want to freak you out because I......care about you.”

“I'm sorry...I know I've been sending mixed messages and this isn't easy for me...or you.” Serena put her hand to her neck and looked up at the ceiling. “I do know that right now I don't want you to go anywhere other than to your car to collect what I believe is an overnight bag on the back seat.” Bernie turned a bright pink. “You noticed?” Serena nodded, smiling. “I didn't presume that...I would be....I just wanted to.....not have to....” She looked at Serena who could barely contain a smile. ”I'll just.....erm..” and Bernie leapt off the sofa heading for the door. When she got to the car, she slipped inside for a second to catch her breath. She still didn't know where this was going, but for now she'd let Serena call the shots and try to curb her own desire so that Serena didn't feel too overwhelmed. She thought back to her own sapphic awakening and could still recall how all consuming the emotions were, and how she wanted the experience to never end, and yet felt so out of control she had half wished she could walk away from it, to put her life back the way it had been. A few more deep breaths and she went back into the house, carrying her bag.

Serena must have heard her close the door, and she shouted from upstairs for her to switch the light out in the lounge and to come up. When she got to the bedroom, Serena poked her head out of the en-suite. “I'm just going to have a quick shower. If you want to go and use the main bathroom, that's fine, or you can wait till I've finished.” Bernie started to speak, but Serena interrupted. “I asked you to stay, so let's not get into a debate about it right now..okay?” Bernie nodded and headed off to the bathroom. When she returned, having already changed into her nightwear (pyjamas and a t-shirt) she found that Serena was already in the bed, leaning against the pillows, and she patted by her side to indicate that Bernie should get in as well. She slid under the duvet and Serena turned towards her and smiled. “I think we're both guilty of trying too hard to second guess what the other is thinking and feeling. As much as I loved last night, I don't want either of us to think that we have to...make it about sex... every time we share a bed. I think that sometimes cuddles are enough.” She looked at Bernie shyly, and Bernie's heart melted, there and then. She nodded in agreement. “Cuddles can be the start or the end, or all there is.” And Bernie took Serena into her arms and kissed her tenderly, sliding them both down under the duvet. They faced each other and Serena whispered, “ Can you move onto your side so that I can spoon you tonight?” Bernie turned so that her back was facing Serena and she welcomed her arm sliding around her waist, pulling her close. Serena kissed Bernie's neck softly. “Let's just see what happens, now, and in the future, shall we?” And Bernie covered Serena's arm with her own and closed her eyes. “Fine by me” she whispered back.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again thank you for all your fantastic comments, and occasionally letting me know if I've messed up in typing. If it's constructive then criticism is always welcome. And thanks to all of you that leave kudos too, it really feels good to know you're enjoying the story.


	12. Jason (and Bernie)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first proper meeting with Jason, and Serena learns a little bit about what Bernie likes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again this has taken me slightly longer than I hoped, to post, but fingers crossed it will have been worth the wait.  
> I want apologise to any other fanfic writers if I've used ideas in the characters that they recognise from their own writing. (Like Jason liking ginger beer). I sometimes forget what has been said in the programme and what I have read elsewhere. Unfortunately I don't have time to watch all the relevant episodes, so I have taken a chance that the other authors won't mind the occasional lapse. (But if it does bother you, please let me know).

 

Chapter 12

Jason (and Bernie)

 

When they woke up on Sunday morning, they were no longer holding on to each other but were lying side by side. Serena was the first to rouse and she turned her head to look fondly at Bernie. They had kissed and stroked and cuddled for about an hour last night, but neither of them had instigated anything more intimate. They had both felt very fragile at different times during the day and it had seemed prudent to let over-stimulated nerves settle and calm. Serena's arm moved towards Bernie until she found her hand which she gently stroked and then covered with her own. She felt Bernie respond slowly and she intertwined her fingers with Serena's, but her eyes stayed closed. Very, very slowly Serena turned onto her side and brought her other arm across to rest around Bernie's waist. Her t-shirt had ridden up during the night and Serena's hand was now resting on warm, soft skin.With a feather light touch she started to trace little circles just above her waist traveling upwards in a gradual spiral. She then started to draw letters, still moving her finger higher. B  e  r  n  i  e . The last 'e' left her fingers touching the underside of Bernie's breast, and as she rested there she felt and heard a change in Bernie's breathing.

 

“If you're planning on spelling Wolfe as well, you'd better think carefully about where you're going with this.”

 

Serena had jumped when Bernie spoke even though she'd known she wasn't truly asleep. Her hand had jerked involuntarily, moving upwards, and her nails had fractionally raked Bernie's nipple, before sliding back down to Bernie's waist. That slight touch caused Bernie to gasp and open her eyes, and she saw Serena looking guilty at being caught out. Bernie smiled at her, as Serena started to blush.

“What were you trying to do Ms Campbell?” asked Bernie, teasingly. “I was finding that a very pleasant way to be woken up.....it was quite turning me on.”

Serena cleared her throat. “I wasn't really....I mean, you just looked so....and your skin was so...” she looked confused and happy at the same time. “I just wanted to touch you...you know?”

Bernie turned onto her side to face Serena, and she shuffled a little closer until their noses were touching. “Oh, believe me, I know.” She moved even closer and placed a little kiss on the end of Serena's nose. “So, what happens next? Do you want to take this further or?...”

Serena sighed and flopped onto her back, keeping her eyes fixed firmly on the ceiling, rather than at Bernie

Bernie immediately cursed herself inwardly for being so stupid as to be asking such a pointed question, especially after the conversation they'd had the previous evening.

“Hey, I'm sorry.....I know that was a bit insensitive.” She rubbed Serena's shoulder gently. “Would you like a coffee, or maybe a tea?”

Serena smiled, appreciating the effort Bernie was making to remove any tension between them.

“A cup of tea would be lovely,...thanks.”

As Bernie pushed herself up from the bed, Serena spoke again. “A girl could get used to this you know....being waited on hand and foot.”

Bernie walked around the bed and sat down beside her. “Good. Because I intend to spoil you at every opportunity.” and she placed a soft kiss on her forehead before going downstairs.

After she left, Serena stretched and forced herself to get out of bed. She admitted to herself that she _was_ hoping for a little more than a kiss to her forehead when Bernie returned, so she at least wanted to brush her teeth. She was back in bed, propped up by her pillows when Bernie walked back into the room clutching two mugs of tea. She sat down on the side of the bed by Serena and handed her a mug. There was silence for a while as they both drank their fill and then placed the mugs on the bedside table. Bernie looked at Serena and took one of her hands into her own.

“So, what's it to be? We could be nice and lazy this morning and then perhaps have lunch somewhere? Or I could pop home this morning and pick you later for lunch and then spend the rest of the day being lazy? It's up to you.”

Serena frowned. “Why can't we be lazy all day and then have an evening meal somewhere?”

Bernie smiled indulgently. “I do need to return to my little hovel at some point today to do a few very necessary chores. And, because, as you well know we both have to”... "work tomorrow” finished Serena looking even more fed-up.

“Sorry, I don't mean to sound so needy, but...I've got used to having you around.” She shrugged. “But you're right, normal service has to be resumed... unfortunately.” She reached out and gently stroked Bernie's face, and as her fingers rested on her jaw, she curled her whole hand around the back of her neck and pulled Bernie close, until their foreheads were touching. “Maybe a kiss will help us decide the order of things.”

Their mouths met and then parted slightly to allow tongues to glide along soft lips, delving lightly into each others mouths, tasting and twisting around, but unhurried and gentle. Bernie moved closer and wrapped her arms around Serena in a warm embrace, one hand finding its' way under her pyjama top to stroke the warm skin of her back, causing Serena to moan. Bernie gasped at the vibration she felt and she pulled away slightly to kiss along her jaw line and down her neck. Serena arched backwards to afford Bernie better access and had those strong arms not been holding her close, Serena would have fallen onto the bed. Serena lowered her own arms until she too encountered bare skin near her waist, and she pushed one hand underneath Bernie's t-shirt, scraping her nails along her spine, causing Bernie to writhe and squirm. Bernie brought her head up from where she had been sucking and nibbling along Serena's collar bone, and stared into her eyes, trying to gauge how far she was wanting to take this. Serena paused, her chest heaving and she looked down as her hand moved to grasp hold of the duvet, throwing it back, inviting Bernie back into bed. Bernie lowered Serena gently down onto her pillows as she slid across to lie next to her. They both turned onto their sides so that they were facing each other and Serena's breathing hitched as she saw the warmest smile lighting up Bernie's face. They kissed again, gently, and Serena slid her hand under Bernie's top, dragging her fingers until they came to rest where they had finished up barely 30 minutes ago, just against the curve of Bernie's left breast.

“Now, let's see if I remember how to spell Wolfe,” she murmured in a low voice. With a finger tip she traced the letters, moving around the breast in ever decreasing circles, pausing after each letter. As she neared her goal, Bernie's breathing became more ragged and after the letter 'f' Serena paused for even longer, and Bernie felt an ache start between her legs, as Serena said, teasingly, “I can't quite remember if there's an 'e' at the end or not.”

“You bloody know there is” growled Bernie, her eyes dark. “Please...?” Serena smiled and traced the letter around and up the now firm, protruding nipple stopping with her finger resting lightly on the very tip. The ache in her loins grew, becoming almost painful, and Serena was watching her intently, her finger moving fractionally on the very sensitive nub. She suddenly brought her thumb up to meet her finger, squeezing and rolling, applying more and more pressure until Bernie bucked her hips violently and gave a strangled cry. Serena stopped immediately and moved her hand to Bernie's face, “Sorry” she breathed, “too hard?”

Bernie shook her head, grasping Serena's hand, and bent her head forwards to nuzzle into Serena's neck.

“No, no, just....so much sensation..” and she moved Serena's hand to the top of her pyjama bottoms and gently pushed it down onto her stomach, “down there.”

She brought her head back up to check that Serena was still okay, raising her eyebrows slightly as if asking a question. Seeing nothing but a smile, Bernie resumed kissing her, lovingly, little soft kisses, with lips being caught between teeth and pulled and nibbled and then kissed again until both of them were moaning. Serena pushed herself up onto her elbow and forearm, and, using the higher body level she levered Bernie onto her back and carried on kissing her. Her other hand, still resting on Bernie's stomach, started to stroke and knead the flesh there, moving down until she was pushing through soft curls, and Bernie instinctively parted her legs inviting Serena's hand to come to rest where all the heat in her body seemed to have congregated.

She pulled away from kissing her to look at the pink flush that was suffusing Bernie's neck and face. Her eyes were closed, but they opened in dismay as Serena moved her hand away back up towards her waist.

“It's okay, don't worry,” murmured Serena as she tugged at the t-shirt moving it as far up as she could, to expose Bernie's breasts. “I just wanted to...”and she brought her mouth down to cover one of her nipples, lapping and sucking hungrily on it as her hand moved back down to nestle between her legs. But this time she didn't stop, pressing her fingers through the folds, soon meeting the evidence of Bernie's aroused state, and she stroked lightly from her opening up to her clitoris and Bernie's whole body jerked as she pressed down on it. Serena gave Bernie's nipple one last lick and then lapped her way up to her neck as her fingers curved into the warm, wet space between Bernie's legs. She slid in and out easily, and as she pushed back in she added a second finger, feeling the walls of her vagina hugging them. She looked into Bernie's eyes making sure she could detect no signs of discomfort as she slowly added a third finger, this time feeling her stretch around her. Bernie's eyes widened for a second, before they closed, her head forced back, her neck arched. Her breathing faltered before she whimpered and her hips pushed upwards to meet each thrust of Serena's hand.

Serena watched with something akin to awe. The rise and fall of her chest as her breathing became more rapid and shallow. Her hands clutching at the sheets as she approached her climax. 'Is this what I look like when I come' thought Serena, 'did Bernie see me fall apart as I'm watching her now... this woman, in my bed. Did I look as beautiful as she does?'

Serena started to use her thumb to stroke Bernie's clit in time with her fingers driving into her very core. Bernie's eyes flew open as she panted for breath, her whimpers growing louder. “Faster” she pleaded, but Serena kept to the slow and steady rhythm she had started, wanting to prolong the pleasure for as long as she could, briefly returning her mouth to the other nipple, this time catching it between her teeth before sucking sharply. She pulled away as she felt the walls around her fingers start to spasm and Bernie threw her arm around Serena's neck and pulled her down, crushing her lips passionately with her own. Serena was now pumping in and out at a much faster rate and she curled her fingers slightly to add yet another sensation. Bernie's body from her shoulders down to her thighs suddenly pushed up from the bed, and with a high pitched groan she orgasmed, shaking with the release. As she came, she closed her eyes and Serena leant over her and placed a kiss on her eyelids as she slowly withdrew her fingers, wiping them on her pyjamas as she brought her hand up to stroke Bernie's face, before she too collapsed onto the bed her supporting arm throbbing painfully.

“Serena....where on earth did you learn to do that?” whispered a very exhausted Bernie, who could still feel her clitoris twitching, and was unable to muster the energy to open her eyes. Serena nuzzled into her neck, licking the salty taste of perspiration on her skin. “I'm taking that to mean that it was okay for you?” she said softly. “I was scared I would hurt you, or that it wouldn't be what you liked....but it was wonderful to watch you like that.” Serena moved up to kiss Bernie's lips and for a minute or two all that seemed to exist in the universe was just the two of them, sharing one space. As they broke apart with a smacking sound Bernie finally opened her eyes and smiled in delight. “It was...unbelievable. I don't know where you found the strength to keep that going for what seemed forever, but I thank you for it.”

Serena, gazing at Bernie, was overcome when she saw a single tear trickle out of the corner of her eye. She reached up to wipe it away and looked questioningly at her. “It's fine, honestly.” said Bernie, but found herself unable to explain the emotions that had overwhelmed her, knowing that Serena had never done that for any other woman, but had wanted to do it for her.

Wanting to give Serena a similar experience, Bernie started to undo the buttons on her pyjama top, and was startled when Serena rolled slightly away out of her reach. She froze, not really understanding and not wanting to make an error of judgement that would send Serena running for the hills. After a few moments Serena rolled back to face Bernie again. “I'm sorry, I didn't mean it to look like I wasn't interested. I just wanted this time, this morning to be all about you. Watching you....seeing and hearing you....need me, was...” and Serena ran out of words to explain how she had felt, how emotional she had found it. “I've never watched anyone.....when you came it was so beautiful, you, you are so beautiful...to me.”

Bernie lowered her eyes, almost embarrassed to hear Serena talk about her like that and yet at the same time incredibly moved by her words. Serena took hold of one of Bernie's hands and brought it up to cover her breast, and Bernie could feel the nipple hardening through the silky material. “I love it when you touch me here,” and she took the same hand and pushed it down her stomach to rest between her thighs, “and here.” And Serena closed her eyes as she felt her body stirring in response to even the faintest touch by this woman, “But,” as she brought Bernie's hand back to rest on her waist, “ I also love this closeness.”

Bernie breathed deeply, and raised her eyes to look back at Serena, her hand caressing the skin where Serena had placed her hand. “Me too,” she said tenderly. And she moved closer to Serena, their arms softly draped over each other, feeling so contented it almost scared her.

After a few minutes Bernie's stomach gave a loud rumble and they both laughed. “How about I go to the kitchen this time and make us some breakfast.” Serena suggested. “Do you want to eat it downstairs, or..” at which point Serena realised that she did not want food being consumed in her bed. The thought of toast crumbs or cornflakes on her very expensive sheets filled her with horror. Bernie raised an eyebrow. “Yes?” she prompted, “or?”

“Or...downstairs” Serena admitted with a snort of laughter, “but you can choose which room.” She got out of bed and pulled on her dressing gown. “See you in about five minutes, yes?.....Oh, and make sure you bring our mugs down too.” she said, with a wink and a smile.

Bernie lay in bed for a little while longer, still collecting her thoughts. There had been one moment, when she and Serena had been gazing at each other, after she had had that most amazing climax, when she had nearly said the words. The words that she felt could break this new relationship if she blurted them out too soon. Because she had known for a few days that her feelings for her were more than just sexual attraction. She was scared to admit it, even to herself, that she loved her, that she was 'in love' with her. She pushed herself up out of bed, on still slightly shaky legs, and went into the en-suite to freshen up. As open as Serena had been to explore this side of herself, Bernie was certain that declarations of love at this stage would have her running for her life.

Serena had switched on the coffee machine and the smell soon filled the room. There were several slices of bread ready in the toaster, and she was just debating whether to do some scrambled eggs or not, when Bernie walked in, still in her night attire. She walked over to Serena and put her arms around her, whilst kissing the back of her neck. Serena hummed with pleasure. “Do you want eggs or marmalade with your toast?” Bernie gave her a squeeze before moving to the other side of the counter to perch on a stool, swinging her leg up and over it as if mounting a horse, much to Serena's pleasure, as her heart gave a thump at the sight.

“Just marmalade I think. Don't want to spoil my appetite for later.”

Serena busied herself pouring coffee, before Bernie spoke again.

“Do you think we should book somewhere to have lunch? I'm thinking places might get very full if we're not quick.”

Serena shook her head. “To be honest, I think I'd be quite happy with a carvery or just a pub meal if that's okay with you? That way we're not too tied down to times.”

“Suits me,” said Bernie, as Serena pushed a plateful of toast her way, “I'll be ready to eat whatever time it is.” Serena laughed and thought how comfortable this all felt, and how she would miss her presence in her home, now that the weekend was coming to an end.

After breakfast they went back upstairs to get showered and dressed. They both went into the bedroom and Serena paused at the door to the en-suite.

“Join me?” she asked shyly. Bernie's heart yearned to say yes, but knew that her over-emotional state could make that a bad decision at this moment in time.

“I don't think my body could stand another session like earlier, and I really don't want you to have to ring 999 because I've suffered a cardiac arrest in your shower.”

“You seem to forget that I am a qualified doctor,” said Serena, teasingly. “No I haven't,” said Bernie as she reached out to pull her into her arms, “but when was the last time you performed CPR? Honestly, I'm still quite wobbly..... however,” and she slid her hand under Serena's pyjama bottoms and grabbed a cheek of her backside, pulling her closer and squeezing firmly, “ I could be persuaded to help you out, right now...”

Serena gasped and squirmed as Bernie's hand started to travel southwards. Serena grabbed it with her own and moved it back up. “Thank you, but I think I'll wait until we can share this shower together.” And she and Bernie kissed each other tenderly , swaying slightly, feeling each others body pressed intimately close. They both sighed as they broke apart and Bernie bent down to pick up her bag before heading to the bathroom.

“Last one dressed and downstairs pays for lunch!” she shouted as she left the room.

“That's not fair,” muttered Serena as she stepped into the shower, “you don't have to do anything with your hair....not even comb it!”

As predicted, Serena entered the lounge to find Bernie sitting and waiting for her, a big grin on her face.

“Don't say a thing,” said Serena sternly. “I was never going to win that one and you know it.” Bernie put her hands up in mock surrender. “It's fine, I wasn't going to hold you to it anyway.” She looked at Serena appreciatively, “And if it means waiting a few extra minutes for you to look as good as you do right now, I'm quite happy.” Serena blushed, and went to sit next to her on the sofa, slipping her hand into hers.

“How about we go for a walk before lunch? I'm thinking that you'll need to get off home as soon as we've eaten,” and she looked wistfully at her, “so it makes sense to do it first.”

“ It does make sense,” said Bernie, “so I expect you have somewhere in mind?” Serena nodded. “We could got to Riverside Park and then head for The Old Fox Inn for lunch?”

Bernie smiled, “Come on then Ms Campbell, it's time for our promenade,” and they both started giggling as they collected their coats and bags before pulling the door closed behind them.

They had a very pleasant walk along the river, holding hands until a group of people approached from the other direction, and Serena had quickly loosed her hold, pretending to pat down a (non-existent) stray hair. She didn't reach for Bernie's hand after they had gone, and she gave Bernie an apologetic look, who understood straightaway that while Serena was happy to show affection in public if it was dark, the same did not apply to a bright Sunday morning.

After a pleasant meal, Bernie pulled up outside Serena's house about 2.30pm. “Would you like to pop in for a coffee?” asked Serena, suspecting that she already knew what her answer would be. “I'd like nothing more,” replied Bernie, “but I know that if I get out of this car, it'll be a long time before I get back into it.”

Serena smiled, “I understand. And Bernie...I'm sorry about when we were in the park, and I.....let go of your hand. I'm not ashamed of this...us, but..”

Bernie put a finger to her lips. “It's fine, you need time...to adjust. I get it.”

Serena leant her head on Bernie's shoulder.

“It's not only that. I haven't told Elinor about.....you, and I'd hate for her to learn about it from a friend of a friend if you understand? She's still reeling from the shock of hearing she has a cousin she knew nothing about, and I'd rather tell her face-to-face...about us.”

“Do you have any idea how she'll react?” asked Bernie.

“Not a clue if I'm honest. I don't think she'll be ecstatically happy, but neither do I think she'll refuse to speak to me.” Serena sighed. “Truthfully? I think it will depend entirely on how she thinks it will affect her. Edward and I both spoiled her, before and definitely after, the divorce. But it's only been in the latter couple of years that I've understood by how much.”

Bernie pressed her lips to Serena's forehead.

“I'm really sorry, but I have to go. I've got this school visit and then tomorrow evening I've got a governer's meeting at 6.30pm.”

Serena pulled a face, “So the first time I'll see you will be on Wednesday afternoon then?” Bernie nodded. “And it's unlikely to be before 5pm, sorry.”

Serena's face fell a little further.

“I know it's work the next day, but I could stay overnight....if you'd want me to that is?” Bernie was unsure she should have suggested it, but Serena had looked so crestfallen. Serena looked up at her, her eyes suddenly brighter.

“That would be great, if you're sure? I'll probably be a bit wound up by the time Jason goes home, so someone to relax with would be marvelous.”

Bernie pulled her close and placed a soft kiss on both of her eyes, nose and finally her lips. They broke reluctantly apart and Serena got out of the car hanging onto Bernie's hand for as long as possible. “ See you Wednesday then.” she said quietly. Bernie nodded. “And Serena,... you can ring or text me..if you need anything, yes?” Serena smiled and let go of her hand, closing the car door with a bang, and Bernie sped off, feeling that if she hesitated she would be lost.

Serena found the house to be echoey and empty over the next couple of days. Rather, the nights were empty, the days at work were busy and therefore bearable. When she had got back on Sunday, she had fully intended to change the sheets, but as she threw the duvet back she found she could still smell Bernie and it made her feel warm and safe. Waking up on Monday morning had seemed distinctly odd, not seeing a blond head on the pillow, or a soft hand to hold. At work, Raf had kept asking how she was, as she seemed distracted; and she was, some of the time. Once, while she was at her desk, eating her lunch she let her imagination run riot, pretending that Bernie was sitting opposite her, smiling, as if she were the most beautiful person in the world, and her breath hitched. That night when she went to bed she had called Bernie, desperate to hear her voice. They didn't talk for long, their conversation stilted, they were both hesitant and not confident about sharing emotions when they couldn't see each other. When Serena finally lay down to try to sleep she admitted to herself that she was besotted with Bernie, as lovesick as any young teenager with their first love. Her eyes widened for a moment. Was that it? Was she 'in love' with Bernie? She did recognise some of the symptoms but....she sighed. It would make no difference if Bernie didn't feel the same. She knew she cared for her, but whether that caring tipped over into 'love' she had no idea. She was so good at hiding her deepest emotions that Serena wondered if she even admitted them to herself.

Well, for now she'd settle for 'friends with benefits' and test the deeper waters when she felt stronger.

By the time Wednesday arrived, she was a bundle of nerves about Jason's visit. She had all the ingredients ready for the pie and she'd looked out some family photos to show him, and she was pleased she'd thought to ask him to bring some too. Bernie had already texted her to wish her good luck and to promise to be there as soon as she could. Serena acknowledged that some of the nerves and excitement she was feeling were also centered around seeing Bernie again.

It was about 1.30pm, after she had nearly worn a hole in the carpet, pacing up and down, that the doorbell rang, making Serena jump. She took a deep breath and opened the door to see Jason and Alan standing there. She smiled warmly and showed them through to the lounge, where Alan explained he was only stopping for a few minutes, as long as Jason was happy for him to leave. Serena mentally gave herself a slap for not considering that Jason would be just as nervous, if not more so, than herself. She offered Alan a cup of tea, and poured a glass of lemonade for Jason, as he had already let her know that that was his preferred drink. Jason followed her into the kitchen to tell her how Alan liked his tea made.

“He likes it in a large mug with one teaspoon of sugar. He used to take two but I persuaded him to cut down,” he said smugly. “What brand of tea do you have?” Serena showed him the Sainsburys Red Label tea bags she normally used. “Yes those are fine, but next time see if you can get The Co-op Fair Trade ones, those are his favourite.” Serena nodded and thought perhaps she ought to have invested in a notepad to jot down such information, she imagined he would not be very impressed if she made the same mistake twice.

When Alan had finished his tea, he checked with Jason that he would be okay, and that he'd be back about 8.00pm to pick him up. Serena went to open the front door for him, and Alan stopped to have a few words before he left.

“I know he seems like he's going to be hard work, and to be fair he sometimes is, but he's worth it. He has a lot of great qualities, and although he seems to be a bit blunt at times, it's just him trying to make sense of things he doesn't always understand, like emotions. He's never intentionally unkind even though sometimes his observations can upset people. He knows he sees things differently, so he has to ask questions to try and process things. It's really up to us to enable him to function in the real world.” Serena put her hand on Alan's arm. “I'll do my best. I expect I'll get it wrong more than once but I'll learn, and I'll try not to make the same mistake twice.”

When she returned to the lounge, Jason had already found the photographs she had sorted out. “You don't look very much like your mom do you?” he commented. “I think my mom looks more like her than you.” And he handed her a photo. She caught her breath as she looked at the woman who had been her sister, but that she had never known, and tears came into her eyes and some spilled over and ran down her cheeks. He was right too, there were more facial similarities with Adrienne than she had. And she felt more tears falling as she felt for her mother, who, for whatever reason, had given up one of her children, never to have seen her again. Jason looked at her curiously.

“Why are you crying? I cry sometimes because I miss my mom, but you never knew her, so you can't miss her.”

Serena wiped her eyes and wondered how she could explain the feelings that were washing over her.

“I'm sad because I would have liked to have known her and I didn't. And I'm sad for my mom too, because she had to give her baby away, and she must have found that very difficult.”

Jason thought about what she had said. “I'm not sure I really understand, but I would have liked to know why she gave my mom away. Do you know?”

Serena shook her head. “No, I don't. But I do know that she never stopped thinking about her.” And she showed him the card that had led her to the meeting with Jason in the cemetery. He looked at it carefully. “Can I keep this? And a picture of your mom as well? I have a album at home where I save all the photo's I have of my mom and me, and this would help me when I'm remembering.”

Serena thought she was going to cry again, but managed to blink the tears away before Jason noticed. “Of course you can,” she replied a little croakily, and she gently rubbed his arm.

The conversation flowed quite freely between them, with lots of questions being asked, and some of them were answered. Serena also shared some of the memories she had of her mother, particularly of when she was younger, trying to avoid the more recent ones which she thought might upset him, and her. But she began to understand that not much did faze him as long as there was a logical explanation. She did find out that the way you phrased a question or answer did matter though, and that if you got it wrong there were whole new levels of confusion that she would never have thought possible.

At about 4 o'clock Jason looked at his watch. “I'd like another drink now, do you have any ginger beer?” Serena shook her head, explaining that it wasn't something she usually bought. “That's okay, you'll just need to make sure you have some for next time though. In that case I'll have a cup of tea. Like the one you made for Alan but without the sugar.” Serena nodded. “Okay, we probably need to get started on the Shepherd's Pie too. I wondered if you'd like to help me? Did you ever help your mom when she made it?”

Jason put his finger and thumb up to his chin as he pondered the question.

“Well, I didn't ever help her to make it, but I did watch her quite a lot, so..... yes, I should be able to help. I could let you know if you do anything wrong anyway, but I'd like my cup of tea first please.”

So after she'd made him his drink, she put him to work, peeling potatoes (which he said he'd done before), and carrots (which he hadn't, but admitted the principle would be the same). While he was doing that Serena fried off the minced lamb and added chopped onions and some herbs. She did explain to him that the amount of herbs she added might be different to his mom's, but they would have to wait and see. The time passed quickly, and she had just given him the task of mashing the potatoes, which he was a little uncertain about, when the doorbell rang, and Serena's stomach did one of it's little flips as she realised that it was probably Bernie. As she opened the door, Bernie was already starting to talk.

“I'm sorry I'm later than I said, the traffic out of town was horrendous and I...” Serena put a finger to her lips to silence her. “It's fine, it's been....good!”

They stood smiling at one another, and then they suddenly were like magnets being inexorably slowly drawn to each other, eyes glancing down at each others lips getting closer until Jason shouted from the kitchen.

“Auntie Serena, who was it at the door? And I think you should come and supervise my mashing a bit more, I don't know if they're ready.”

Serena had jumped when he spoke, and she smiled apologetically at Bernie as she headed back into the kitchen. Bernie followed, after hanging up her coat, and arrived to see Serena spooning the potatoes on top of the mince.

Jason turned round when she walked in, looking puzzled.

“Oh, hello..Bernie. Auntie Serena hadn't told me you were coming, I thought it was just going to be me and her at dinnertime.” Serena closed her eyes in frustration and then opened them and at looked nervously at Bernie.

“I'm sorry Jason,” said Bernie quickly. “I can go if you'd rather that I wasn't here for your meal. It's just that your Aunt invited me because she knows how much I love Shepherd's Pie, and she thought I would like to try your mom's special recipe. I expect she was so excited by your coming here that she forgot to mention it.”

Jason paused, thinking carefully about what Bernie had said, and Serena smiled at her gratefully as she listened to her explanation. After a couple of minutes Jason nodded his head. “Okay, I think that's acceptable. You could give it a mark out of 10 and explain why you did or didn't like it.” He turned towards Serena. “Can you please remember that I don't like surprises though. If you want to change something I normally need some notice.”

“Thank you Jason,” said Bernie. “Would you like to go and sit down with your Aunt while I carry on with the dinner?”

“No,” said Jason. “I've been talking to her quite a lot, so I think it might be more interesting to talk to you now.” And he walked into the lounge and sat on the sofa.

Bernie looked anxiously at Serena. “Is that okay with you? I don't want to upset anything.”

“It's fine” said Serena, “as long as you feel up to it. I've found it can feel a little bit like an interrogation at times.” Bernie reached across the counter to squeeze her hand when Jason's voice rang out. “Are you coming Bernie? You don't move very fast do you?”

Bernie's eyebrows shot up in amusement and surprise. “Oops! I'm just coming Jason, sorry.”

Serena gave a soft chuckle, and then busied herself putting the pie in the oven and getting some plates out to warm as well as setting the table. She could hear Jason giving Bernie the third degree about where she worked and what she like to watch on the TV. She gradually moved closer to the lounge so that she could listen in to the conversation.

“Have you known my Auntie for a long time?”

 

“Um...no, not very long. I tried to help her at the library when she wanted to find out about you.”

“Why?”

Bernie paled slightly. “I'm sorry, I'm not sure what you mean?”

 

“If she wasn't already your friend, why did you say you would help her?”

 

“Oh, well it's part of my job to help people....find information.”

 

Jason thought about what Bernie had said. “So, do you do this a lot then? Help people, and then take them places to help them a bit more, and go to their houses to have a meal. “

 

Bernie was struggling a bit, which Serena found amusing, so she carried on listening to see what she would say.

 

“No, not usually, but after I started to help her, we found we had a lot in common, liking the same sort of books, things like that. And so we started to become friends.”

“Oh, I see. So is Auntie Serena your girlfriend then?”

Bernie spluttered somewhat, going a bit pink. “Not exactly Jason. I mean she's my friend and she's a girl, I mean woman, but that doesn't really make her my girlfriend.”

 

Jason seemed to accept the answer, but made one last observation.

“I understand. Because If she was your girlfriend you would have to kiss her, and I don't expect you've kissed her have you?”

Bernie turned an even deeper shade of pink and looked around wildly in the direction of the kitchen, and Serena taking pity on her walked in to announce that dinner was nearly ready, and she could use a little help. Bernie leapt to her feet and bounded into the kitchen. Jason watched her and looked at Serena. “She can move fast sometimes I see. I expect it's because she's hungry.”

As they sat eating their meal, the conversation returned to more mundane subjects, much to Bernie's relief. She awarded the pie an 8/10, much to Jason's delight, but he wasn't completely satisfied that it was as good as his mom's, and he informed Serena that he'd made a note of everything she'd used, so he would go away and look at it, and the next time she made it for him, he would suggest one or two alterations. But he did say that it was the best one he'd tasted since his mom died. Serena patted his hand and gave him a watery smile, and Bernie spotted her blinking furiously, and guessed that she was trying to stop herself crying. After they had filled up the dishwasher, under Jason's careful guidance they all went into the lounge and sat down to watch TV while they waited for Alan to return to pick him up. They found out that he really liked quiz shows, and was very good at them, often surprising Serena as to the breadth of his knowledge.

When Alan arrived, Serena stayed in the hall for a short while, discussing with him how things had gone, which left Bernie and Jason alone again.

“You and Auntie Serena sit very close to each other don't you? And you stare at each other a lot too. I think she really likes you, so maybe you should try kissing her soon.”

“Oh, right, thank you Jason, I'll...I'll bear that in mind.” Fortunately for Bernie, Serena and Alan walked in at that point, and Jason stood up and thanked Serena for the photos and the meal. Serena stood at the door to waive them off, with Bernie standing just behind her, when Jason stopped halfway down the drive and shouted back towards them.

“Auntie Serena, I've told Bernie that if you keep staring at her like you have all evening, then she should kiss you so that you can be real girlfriends. And then if you like kissing her, you could tell her you love her.”

Bernie stifled a snort of laughter as Serena stood there with her mouth open, and Alan bundled Jason into his car, muttering that comments like that were not appropriate behaviour.

Serena closed the door behind them and walked awkwardly across to Bernie. “Sorry about that, he does just say what he thinks, doesn't he?”

“It's okay,” said Bernie. “He's right about one thing, I've been wanting to kiss you ever since you opened the front door to me. I know it's only been 3 days, but I....I've missed you.”

“Me too,” said Serena breathlessly. They were very close and their noses were almost touching. Bernie wrapped her arms around her and place her hands on Serena's buttocks pulling her in so that there was scarcely a millimetre of space between them. She pressed their lips together in a long, slow passionate kiss, grinding her hips against Serena's. When they broke apart they were gasping for breath and Bernie nodded her head towards the lounge, raising her eyebrows questioningly. Serena shook her head. “No,” she whispered, “I think we should head straight upstairs....I've been good for far too long today. It's about time I got my reward” And, with a twinkle in her eye, she sashayed over to the stairs and held out her hand. “You coming?”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I an totally amazed at the number of wonderful comments I had about the last chapter, thank you all so much...you know who you are. And thanks to everyone who takes the trouble to leave kudos. It means a lot.


	13. Elinor (and Bernie, and confessions)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry this has taken so long to get to you. Life gets in the way sometimes. However, it is longer than normal and does contain smut, so hopefully you will think it's worth the wait.  
> This was going to be the last chapter, but I have one final idea that I want to finish with and, fingers crossed (but not promising) I hope to get that out on, or very near to, Christmas day. If all else fails, I'll make it in time for New Years Eve. Thanks for sticking with this, I'm might try my hand at a few one shots in the not too distant future.

 

Chapter 13

 

Elinor, (and Bernie and confessions)

 

 

Bernie didn't move so Serena walked back towards her and took her hand and tried to pull her towards the stairs. Bernie for some reason resisted, and in fact managed to hold her ground quite easily.

“What on earth are you playing at?” demanded Serena, somewhat testily. Bernie shrugged, refusing to meet her eye and looked embarrassed.

Serena frowned. “Help me out here Bernie. Did I get I wrong? I mean a couple of minutes ago I thought we were....”

It was as if a rug had been pulled out from under her feet, and she started to feel very shaky. She slowly walked back into the lounge and sat down before she fell down. Her heart was beating very rapidly and she was literally terrified that Bernie was just going to walk out of the house.

It was nearly three minutes before Bernie followed her in, and she sat down on a dining room chair that seemed to be the furthest she could get from Serena and yet be in the same room. Although Serena was still scared by Bernie's behaviour she also started to feel angry and that gave her a little bit of strength.

“Oh for god's sake Bernie, will you please talk to me? How can you blow so hot and cold? I have no idea what is happening here or what's going on inside that head of yours, but if all you're going to do is sit in silence then you might as well go!”

She stood up and drained her wine glass before storming out of the room, and headed upstairs, stomping her feet on every step. She went into her bedroom, slammed the door, and collapsed on to the bed, feeling as she had done many years ago as a teenager, when the object of her heart had just dumped her in favour of someone prettier, more sporty, or just 'easy'. She had been so looking forward to seeing Bernie, and the day had been so stressful even though Jason's visit had gone pretty well. She buried her face into the pillow, all the while listening carefully for the sound of the front door closing, signifying Bernie's departure. A few minutes later she heard a creak which she knew was the stair third from the top, and she held her breath to see what would happen next. Five seconds later there was a soft tap at the door, and a small voice whispered, “Serena?”

“Come in you bloody idiot”, she said, but with her face still pressed into the pillow, she doubted that Bernie had heard. She turned her head to the side and said again, a little louder, “Come in.”

The door squeaked open and Bernie tentatively pushed her head around it, half expecting something to be hurled at her. Serena glared. “It's okay, you're safe for now. I don't have the energy to hit you at the moment.”

Bernie edged around the door and stood just inside the bedroom. “I'm sorry. I….this isn't easy to explain.”

“Well I suggest you try a bit harder to find some words, because, quite frankly, it doesn't make any sense. At least not to me” And Serena rolled onto her back to look at Bernie, still hovering in the doorway.

“For pity's sake Bernie, come and sit down!” and Serena patted the bed, pushing herself up to lean against the headboard. “If you were on my ward I'd be asking for a psych consult.”

Bernie moved over to the bed and sat down gingerly still looking as if she was poised for flight. Serena tried again.

“So, talk me through your thought processes.

What went wrong between Jason leaving and me trying to get you into bed? Because from where I was standing until I headed for the stairs, you seemed to be with me every step of the way.”

Bernie bit her lip, twisting her hands together as if she was wringing out a dishcloth. “I'm trying Serena....but it's not exactly clear in my own head either.”

“Well thank goodness for that at least. Because if this made sense to you I'd be certain that one of us was crazy!” Serena sighed and put out her hand to cover Bernie's to try and calm her. Bernie looked at her from under her fringe and gave her a weak smile. Serena took a deep breath and said out loud the words that she was dreading hearing.

“Okay, well my first question, and for me the most terrifying, are you wanting to end this? Am I being dumped?”

Bernie's head whipped up. “No, Serena...god, no.”

Serena felt her breathing steady a little. “Right, so was it something to do with Jason? Did you feel uncomfortable around him or”.... and Serena suddenly had a flash of inspiration. “Was it what he said about us staring at each other, and needing to kiss?” And the look on Bernie's face told her she had hit the nail on the head.

“But why? I mean we've kissed before and...a whole lot more, so why did Jason saying it, freak you out?”

Bernie rubbed her face with her hands and took a breath.

“I think that it dawned on me that we've been trying to hide this...attraction, ever since it started and yet Jason, who doesn't even know us very well was able to pick up on it without any problem. And I suddenly wondered why we _were_ even trying to hide it. Does a same sex relationship make you feel uncomfortable, are you ashamed....of me?”

Serena stopped and thought for a moment. “No, no. I told you, I haven't talked to Elinor yet.”

But even as she said it, Serena knew this sounded a weak excuse.

Bernie sighed again. “Then why haven't you talked to her? Are you really worried that she wouldn't 'approve' of us? And if she didn't like me or thought that it was wrong for you to be dating a woman, would that be the end? Would you just turn your back?”

Serena took a shaky breath. Hearing Bernie voice her worries over where they were heading was hard to listen to...especially after such an exhausting day.

“Do we have to do this right now?” she asked plaintively. “It's been very stressful today and I just want to relax......with you.” Serena's breathing hitched as she fought against the emotions that were threatening to overwhelm her.

“And I want to be with you,” said Bernie quietly, “but if we don't discuss it now …. _when_? I wasn't happy when Jason was asking me about my relationship with you, because I felt I couldn't be honest. I was trying to guess what you would want me to say, and I started to think that underneath it all, you aren't happy with me, with whatever your feelings are for me.”

Serena felt herself go cold at Bernie's words. How could she believe this? She wanted to be with Bernie more than she'd wanted to be with anyone for …...years. But icy fingers of reason were also present. She was in fact scared to death of being judged by others, for choosing to love a woman. And what would she say if people asked her, 'are you a lesbian?' She didn't want to be labelled, she didn't feel she belonged to any sexual group, she just wanted Bernie, so why did that label make it so difficult? She decided to turn the tables slightly.

“How long did it take you to admit your feelings? About your sexuality? Was it an easy decision for you?”

Serena already knew some of the answers, but she wanted Bernie to think a little more about how _she_ was feeling.

Bernie nodded her understanding of why Serena had asked those questions, and reached out and took Serena's hand in hers. “It didn't take me too long to admit to the feelings I had, but yes, I too was apprehensive of how people would treat me, what people would think. The hardest part was telling Marcus. He hadn't done anything wrong, but it was him I hurt the most.

And the reason I'm doing this, is that the longer I put off saying something a couple of years ago, the more distance I put between Alex and myself. The threads that held us together were being broken one by one. Until, for Alex, there was no repair possible. But I still had to do it, because what would be the point of my life if I couldn't be who I was supposed to be? I don't need you to say to the world that you're gay or bi or whatever. I just want you to be honest with yourself.”

Serena put her hand on Bernie's arm.

“I'm never scared when I'm with you, in private, I know then I'm exactly where I want to be, that I don't need or want anyone else.

But you're right, I can't keep this tucked away, out of sight as if you were a prize that I just take out every now and then to look at and marvel at. I think I haven't told Elinor because I don't know how to explain, what to say other than....”

And Serena's voice tailed off as she became scared to say the words that she felt in her heart.

Bernie looked at her again, really looked at her, sensing the battle that was going on within her. She knew that she was no better in some respects. She still hadn't found the courage to tell Serena how she truly felt, scared of frightening her away if she knew the depth to which she loved her. And she knew also that she couldn't hide it for much longer, which was why she needed Serena to be able to admit, not just to herself, but to the people that mattered to her, that she wanted to be in this relationship.

They sat there holding hands, both of them fearing to speak, scared of saying the wrong thing.

Serena suddenly took a deep breath and stood up, her head whirling in more ways than one.

“I think you should go,” she said quietly, “because you're right. I do need to talk to Elinor, otherwise this is all it will ever be. Sneaky kisses and holding hands occasionally in public places, meeting in each others homes for sex whenever we feel the need, maybe dirty weekends away somewhere. And I want so much more than that, with you, so I need to sort myself out first.”

Bernie thought she was going to be physically sick when she first heard Serena telling her to go. The blood was pounding in her ears and she only gradually took in the rest of what Serena was saying. And it sounded oh, so familiar. Those were very nearly the words that she had used to Alex, and look how that had turned out. But, she reminded herself... _she_ wasn't Alex. Serena was still speaking.

“But I need to know one thing from you. I need to know that you will still be here when I'm done. I can't put my family and myself through this if I'm wondering if you'll be there, afterwards?”

Bernie was on her feet in an instant, holding Serena's face between her hands, forcing her to look at her. “I'm going nowhere, unless you tell me that it's all been a huge mistake. I promise I will wait, for as long as it takes, as long as you give me a reason to stay.” And unable to stop herself she put one arm around Serena's back and pulled her in so that their lips met in a tender, life-affirming kiss. When they broke apart they both had a smile on their faces and tears in their eyes.

Bernie finally let go of Serena and took a step towards the door. “I'll text you when I get home, to let you know I'm safe and to see if you're okay. Keep me informed of how things are going or if you need _anything_.”

Serena nodded. “Perhaps we could meet for coffee sometime soon?” Bernie smiled gently and then went down the stairs to collect her things before closing the front door behind her. As soon as Serena heard her car start up she sank back down onto the bed, too emotionally exhausted to even get undressed.

Over the next few days they spoke very little to each other, just the occasional text, checking that they were okay, and how work was, so when her phone rang on Sunday, Bernie felt quite shy and apprehensive. Serena sounded a little breathless.

“Hi, hope you're okay?”

“Hmm. I'm doing alright, thanks.”

“Good, good. I..I wanted to let you know I won't be at the Readers Circle on Friday. Elinor's coming home Thursday evening from Uni, and I thought I'd have 'the talk' on Friday morning, providing I don't chicken out.”

Bernie's heart skipped a beat, she hadn't expected it to happen so soon, certainly not before Christmas. She'd thought that Serena would be too nervous of spoiling the holidays if Elinor had taken it badly. She spoke before thinking.

“Would you like to meet up for a coffee on Wednesday? I...I'm missing you.”

“I'm missing you more” countered Serena.

“Not possible” whispered Bernie softly.

There was silence for a few moments, and Serena had to clear her throat a couple of times before she found her voice again.

“So...coffee? I'm presuming it wouldn't be a good idea to meet at one of our houses?”

“God no,” spluttered Bernie. “I wouldn't, couldn't hope to keep my hands to myself if we were away from public places. How about meeting at that Viennese patisserie, Druckers, the one in the Great Western Arcade?  Good coffee and delicious cakes.”

Serena agreed and so they arranged to meet at 11.00am.

At 11.15am on Wednesday morning Bernie was already sitting at a table, nursing a cup of coffee when Serena burst through the door clutching several bags.

“Sorry I'm late, I was doing some last minute Christmas shopping like most of Holby it would seem. And they all wanted to shop at the same places I did...”

Bernie stood up and grabbed her by the shoulders and pushed her down onto a chair, silencing her momentarily.

“It's fine. You're only 15 mins late. Please, take a breath and I'll get you a coffee. Shall I pick a cake for you, or would you rather choose your own?”

“I'll let you choose, but make sure you get a different one for yourself, so that we can swop or just share.” And Serena smiled broadly, happy to be spending some time with Bernie again.

Bernie had to physically restrain herself from kissing her there and then. Her eyes were positively twinkling and that smile....oh god, how she had missed that smile.

Bernie returned a few minutes later clutching a tray that had a very large creamy coffee on it and 2 different slices of gateaux. Serena chose her cake and then reached across the table to cover Bernie's hand with one of hers.

“It's lovely to see you,” she said. “It feels like weeks rather than the few days it's been in reality.”

“Ditto” said Bernie. It doesn't help that this is one of the quietest times in libraries, so all I've been doing most days, is think about you.”

Serena nodded in agreement, and there was silence for a while as they ate their gateaux, occasionally offering each other a forkful of their own which resulted in some very long lingering looks as lips closed around mouthfuls of sweet confectionery and tongues licked away cream that didn't quite make it into their mouths.

Bernie found herself blushing as she watched Serena, the tendrils of desire reaching down between her thighs and she lowered her eyes. “Sorry for staring, this is much harder than I anticipated.” Serena squeezed her hand.

“I know.” she almost growled.

“So...Friday? Any ideas of how you're going to tackle....it?”

“Plenty” laughed Serena. “You know me, I like to have every 't' crossed and every 'i' dotted. Trouble is if Elinor doesn't react in the way I have planned in my head, then I'll be up shit creek without a paddle, and winging it has never been my forte.”

Bernie smiled in sympathy. “Is there anyway I can help?”

“Not on Friday, I don't think so. But I was hoping you could come to Sunday dinner and meet Elinor then?”

“I'd love to, and don't worry if she's less than impressed with me, I promise it won't change the way I feel about you”

It was on the tip of Serena's tongue to ask exactly how did Bernie feel about her, but she bit her tongue, and instead reached into her bag for a piece of paper.

“This is my book recommendation for Friday. I'm sure you'd probably already guessed which one it was going to be, but I've jotted a few thoughts down as well.”

Bernie took the slip of paper from Serena's fingers and stroked her hand as she did so. She was incredibly moved that she had thought to do that for her in what was a fraught time. She looked at Serena's face, at those beautiful eyes that crinkled in the corners when she smiled. Bernie thought that she could probably heal people with those looks alone. And that mouth, well she already knew how perfect that mouth was to kiss, and just thinking about it now caused such an ache in her heart that she was scared to stand up in case her legs wouldn't hold her.

“Serena,” she said in a soft voice, “I.....” but the only words she could think of to say were the ones that she mustn't say, not yet. So she simply stretched out her arm and laid her hand flat on the table, palm facing up, inviting Serena to respond. After a beat, Serena placed her hand, palm down, on top of Bernies. They then slid their fingers forwards and gently closed them around each others wrists. Serena gave one of those shy, vulnerable smiles that Bernie felt were just for her, and her heart started to beat that little bit faster. After a couple of minutes Serena spoke gently. “I think that we both need to get home now, much as I don't want to.”

Bernie nodded and reluctantly loosed her hold and pushed her chair back. “Come on then....I'll help you carry your purchases and walk you to your car.”

In the car park they stowed the bags in the boot and Bernie gallantly held the door open for Serena. Serena stopped before getting in and pulled Bernie into a warm embrace, and then they sank into a warm, tender yet desperate kiss. They reluctantly let go of each other, and Bernie blushed under Serena's gaze. “You are the most beautiful and sexy woman I have ever met,” Serena murmured. “What magic spell have you cast on me?”

Bernie grazed her lips on Serena's brow. “Remember, call me, if you need anything.” Serena arched her brow with a smirk on her face, and Bernie laughed. “Anything but that..!”

Serena honestly did not remember the drive home, and considered herself fortunate that she did not have an accident. But she had been thinking very hard about her relationship with Bernie, and she knew that she didn't want to draw out this enforced separation any longer than necessary. She made up her mind that regardless of Elinor's reaction to her news she was not going to lose Bernie. She would have to try and make her understand that her future happiness had to involve Bernie, and that was that. Suddenly, Friday couldn't come soon enough.

On Friday Bernie was ready in the meeting room for Readers Circle, but her mind wasn't really focused on the job in hand. It seemed odd that Serena wasn't there, the group missed her personality and witty remarks. Bernie ploughed on, reading an excerpt from her favourite Christmas book, A Child's Christmas in Wales by Dylan Thomas. Using her best soft Welsh accent she read about the fire at the Prothero household.

 

_"Call the fire brigade," cried Mrs. Prothero as she beat the gong._  
"There won't be there," said Mr. Prothero, "it's Christmas."  
There was no fire to be seen, only clouds of smoke and Mr. Prothero standing in the middle of them, waving his slipper as though he were conducting.  
"Do something," he said. And we threw all our snowballs into the smoke - I think we missed Mr. Prothero - and ran out of the house to the telephone box.  
"Let's call the police as well," Jim said. "And the ambulance." "And Ernie Jenkins, he likes fires."  
  
But we only called the fire brigade, and soon the fire engine came and three tall men in helmets brought a hose into the house and Mr. Prothero got out just in time before they turned it on. Nobody could have had a noisier Christmas Eve. And when the firemen turned off the hose and were standing in the wet, smoky room, Jim's Aunt, Miss. Prothero, came downstairs and peered in at them. Jim and I waited, very quietly, to hear what she would say to them. She said the right thing, always. She looked at the three tall firemen in their shining helmets, standing among the smoke and cinders and dissolving snowballs, and she said, "Would you like anything to read?"

 

Towards the end she explained about Serena not being able to attend, and told them about her choice of book, written by Frank McCourt, the Pulitzer prizewinner who wrote 'Angela's Ashes'. The short story she had chosen tells another tale of his mother, Angela, when she was just 6 years old, and how she had felt sorry for the baby Jesus, lying in the Christmas crib at St Josephs Church. She had felt compelled to rescue the baby Jesus and take him home to keep him warm in her bed. Serena had described the story as genuine, irreverent and moving. Often classed as a children's book, she felt it would evoke memories of Christmas's long ago for older generations as well.

They finished with coffee and mince pies, and many of the regulars had brought tins of biscuits and boxes of chocolates for the library staff, to thank them for their help and good service over the past year. Bernie observed that they wouldn't have to buy any treats to have with their coffee for at least 6 months thanks to their generosity. Once again there had been a good attendance, but Bernie was grateful when it finished and she had time to pause, and wonder how things were going at the Campbell household.

Serena was waiting anxiously for Elinor to get up. She had arrived quite late the previous evening and had obviously been celebrating with some friends before heading home, although Serena had acknowledged at least 12 months ago that she probably thought of it as home less and less. She remembered when she had realised that the house where you had lived for all your life suddenly became too constricting once you'd moved out to live a new life at University. It had nothing to do with the size of the house, more to do with the unwritten rules and that it was your parent's taste that was reflected in it, not yours. She had just made her mind up that Ellie would always be able to view it as a bolt hole, somewhere safe, where she was loved and rarely judged.

Which was why it was so important to her that Ellie did accept her relationship with Bernie, not essential, but definitely preferable. She didn't expect her to necessarily like her, not even the situation, but she would need to accept that, _hopefully,_ anytime that she spent here in the future would include Bernie too. And she caught her breath, and her stomach clenched, in a good way, at the thought of Bernie being with her in this house. As those thoughts wrapped themselves around Serena, almost like a hug, she heard Elinor moving around upstairs and she went into the kitchen to start making her some breakfast. A few minutes later Ellie joined her and sniffed appreciatively. She put her arms around her mother and gave her a quick hug. “Is that blueberry pancakes I smell?”

“Of course, what else would I give my favourite daughter?” Serena smiled indulgently, and thought how lovely it was when they managed to connect like this. Before long she was piling 4 large pancakes onto a plate for her, and then made them both a large mug of coffee.

“Aren't you having any?” asked Elinor, “don't tell me you're watching your figure?”

Serena found herself blushing. “No, of course not, I had some toast earlier that's all.”

“Then why the blush? Oh, oh, is there someone new in your life that you haven't told me about? Is there someone you want to bump fuzzies with, come on tell me.....what's his name?”

“Good god Ellie,” said Serena, blushing yet again, “where on earth did you pick up the phrase 'bump fuzzies', if it means what I think it means”

“Don't try and change the subject, where did you meet him? Is it someone from work, or is it that policeman you mentioned a little while ago?”

Serena took a deep breath. This had all happened much quicker than she had meticulously planned for, but she knew that it would be stupid if she didn't take the plunge now that the subject had surfaced.

“It isn't Robbie, the policeman, that didn't really go anywhere to be honest. Although at first everything seemed alright.” Serena realised she was procrastinating and made herself get back on track “It's not a man......her name is Bernie and she's a librarian.”

Elinor froze, a forkful of pancake that was on its way to her mouth, fell back onto her plate with the fork, making a clatter. Serena was standing very still, clenching her fists and holding her breath waiting nervously to hear what Ellie would have to say.

“What! This is a joke, right? I mean, you've never shown the slightest interest...you've always fancied men. Some of my friends' dads from school used to really fancy you, thought you were very sexy especially when you went into flirt mode.” Serena blanched at that news, no wonder some of the moms had been less than friendly when they had met on the school run.

“I don't understand....so you're Serena Campbell – lesbian now? Are you sure you're not having some sort of mid-life crisis, something linked with the menopause? Elinor's tone had taken on a slightly harder edge and Serena's heart plummeted.

“Ellie, you aren't asking anything I haven't already asked myself. But for me it isn't about being straight or bi, or a lesbian. I was immediately attracted to her and we got on really well, and then I found I'd gone past the just being friends stage without realising it. She....she makes me happy Ellie.”

Elinor looked at her mother and saw how her eyes were brighter than she'd seen for a long time, and she wanted to be happy for her, she really did, but this..this was so new, so different , and so far from anything she could have imagined her mother saying. She knew that her father had broken her mother's heart when he cheated on her, and Elinor had often felt as if she was to blame, because before she was born everything seemed to have been fine, and that it was her appearance that had upset the dynamics of their relationship. She felt a ridiculous responsibility to try to make sure her mother didn't get hurt like that again.

“Do you have any plans to let me meet her then?” she asked, quite coldly. “I presume I am allowed to give my opinion on this...?”

Serena sighed a little. “Yes of course. I thought we could have Sunday dinner together, either here or going out for a meal if you'd feel you'd rather it was on neutral territory.”

“Better make it here, I think. It could get embarrassing if we're struggling to be polite to each other and we're surrounded by strangers.”

“Okay,” said Serena. “And Ellie? Don't try and be awkward or difficult just to try and provoke a reaction....it would mean a lot to me if you two could get on. You don't have to be bosom buddies, just...respect each other, that's all.” And she smiled and gave her a quick hug. “Your pancakes are getting cold..”

“Yeah, well, it turns out I'm not as hungry as I thought. I'm going to get dressed and head into town.” As she walked out of the kitchen, she paused by the door and looked back at her mom.

“My problem isn't really because she's a woman mom, it's not like I think that it's wrong in any way. It's just doesn't add up to me, you and a woman ......it makes no sense at all!”

Serena sat at the table staring after her daughter as she headed upstairs. “That's the trouble when you fall in love,” she murmured, “it rarely makes any sense.”

After Elinor had left Serena took the time to phone Bernie and let her know that Sunday lunch would be at home, if she still was happy to come. Bernie asked tentatively how it had gone.

“Not as bad as I'd feared.....not as good as I'd hoped, but at least she's not exactly opposed to me having, oh...for want of a better word...a girlfriend. She's just struggling as to how such a dyed-in-the-wool heterosexual is suddenly considering a same sex relationship.”

“Did you manage to offer her any answers?”

“Not really,” admitted Serena. “I'm not sure I have any to be honest. I just hope she'll be able to see how happy I am." She paused for a moment. "See you Sunday.”

By the time Sunday lunchtime arrived, both Serena and Bernie had found that the time since they had spoken had seemed to both drag it's heels and then in the next moment be rushing by so fast.

Bernie stood outside the house taking a moment to try and control her breathing. She was really hoping that Elinor wouldn't try to be awkward just to get a rise out of her. The only thing that could possibly make Bernie lose her temper would be if Elinor tried to deliberately upset her mother.

She was just about to ring the bell when the door was opened and Bernie saw Elinor for the first time. Bernie put out her hand and smiled.

“You must be Elinor,” she said brightly. “Your mother described you perfectly.”

“And that means you must be Bernie. I was going to wait for the doorbell to ring, but you'd been standing there for so long I thought I'd better open it before you took flight.” There was a gleam in her eye, and she waited to see how Bernie would respond.

“Well, I can't deny that I've been a little apprehensive about today,” said Bernie, recognising straight away that Elinor was out to test her. “But I can assure you that I wouldn't let Serena down.”

Elinor's eyebrow arched in an almost exact copy of Serena, and she held the door wide open and stood to one side. “Then you'd better come in,” she said with a polite smile as she showed her into the lounge. “I expect this isn't the first time you've been here though?”

“You're right,” said Bernie, and she held up a bottle of wine that she'd brought with her. “If it's alright with you, I'll take this into the kitchen, which is also where I presume your mother is very busy, so that I can say hello.” Elinor shrugged, and gave a slight nod, her eyes narrowing as she watched Bernie walk through to where Serena seemed to have countless saucepans bubbling away on the stove.

Serena turned towards her as she put the bottle down on the counter, grinning broadly, pushing some hair out of her eyes. She was fairly hot and a little bit bothered, but Bernie could only see how gorgeous she looked. She desperately wanted to gather her into her arms and kiss her, but she was acutely aware that Elinor was watching from the other room, so she made do with grabbing her hand and giving it a squeeze. “Is there anything I can do to help?” she asked, “you look as though you've got a lot going on at the moment.”

“I'm fine,” said Serena, “although it probably doesn't look like it, I've got everything under control.” And she leant towards Bernie and gave her a quick kiss on her cheek.

“I never doubted it,” said Bernie tenderly. “Would you like me to open the wine yet?”

“That would be good, thank you. I'll be ready to serve in about 10 minutes.” She moved a fraction closer to Bernie, so that their shoulders were touching, and she whispered in her ear. “You look wonderful by the way. If it wasn't for a certain pair of eyes watching every move I make, I would have you pinned to this counter by now.” And Serena looked at Bernie and licked her lips appreciatively. Bernie's legs nearly buckled at that sight, and she manfully wrestled with the corkscrew, trying not to focus too much on Serena's mouth. “Would you like me to pour you a glass now?” she inquired, her voice a little higher and croakier than normal, which made Serena chuckle. “Oh yes please.” said Serena with a slight moan, and Bernie had to swallow and blink a few times before she turned towards where she knew Elinor was standing. “How about you Elinor? Have you inherited your mother's love of red wine?”

“If it's alcoholic, I'm going to like it." She pursed her lips. "I see you are quite familiar with where we keep the wine glasses already?” she observed a little waspishly.

“First thing she showed me,” answered Bernie with an innocent smile, and Elinor took the glass Bernie was holding, with a scowl, and walked away.

“Sorry” whispered Serena, “give her time.”

“It's fine,” said Bernie, “I was prepared for her being a bit prickly.” She leaned in closer, “I wasn't prepared for just how much I want to kiss you right now though.”

“Now, now Ms Wolfe,” Serena said, her eyes sparkling, “go and chat to her, I'll be ready to serve in about 10 minutes.”

Bernie went back into the lounge where Elinor was looking out of the window. Without turning round she said, “Did you always know you were a lesbian?”

Bernie was slightly taken aback at the direct question, but managed to reply, sounding a lot more confident than she felt. “No, not really. Looking back I think I can recall times when my life might have been different, that may have led me to know myself sooner, but no, I never really considered it for most of my adult life.”

“So what changed you? Did you have a sudden revelation, a blinding light from above that said you've been living your life all wrong, go forth and a find a woman!” Elinor's voice had a bitter edge to it , and Bernie sat down on the sofa, feeling the venom that was being directed at her.

“Not exactly, but it did hit me like a bolt out of the blue, when...when a woman kissed me.”

“Sounds like a fairytale, like you were the fairy princess and Prince Charming just happened along, kissed you and you all lived happily ever after. Except it just turned out to be another princess. And I'm guessing no happy ever after either or you wouldn't be pursuing my mother.”

“I'm not sure there are any happy ever afters, at least not without some problems along the way. All relationships are hard work Elinor, and it's a shame that some don't last the distance, however hard you seem to try. And same sex relationships can be the hardest to make work because a lot of society still isn't comfortable about them.”

“So why bother? Do you want my mother to have to deal with all those side-long looks and sneaky or downright nasty comments that you know are out there, just waiting to be hurled in her direction?”

Bernie saw it then. Saw how protective Elinor was towards her mother and she felt a rush of affection and sympathy for this young woman who was struggling to understand, and who seemed to feel that her mother's welfare was somehow her responsibility. She started to move towards her when Serena shouted for them to come and sit down. Elinor turned and brushed past Bernie refusing to meet her eyes, and Bernie sighed and followed her to the table.

It was a lovely traditional Sunday roast dinner and both Elinor and Bernie were very complimentary about Serena's cooking. The conversation was a little stilted, but Serena worked hard to bring up topics that she knew would interest her daughter, and Bernie was wise enough to just let the interaction flow between mother and daughter, with very little interruption from herself.

After they had eaten their fill, they cleared the table and moved back into the lounge whereupon Elinor plonked herself down in the centre of the sofa, effectively stopping Bernie and Serena from sitting next to each other. Bernie slid into the space next to her, leaving Serena standing with her hands on her hips, glaring at Elinor.

“Really Ellie? You're going to be _that_ childish?”

Elinor pouted and looked defiantly at her mother, but made to attempt to move.

“Fine.” said Serena, and she perched on the arm of the sofa next to Bernie, and placed her hand lightly on Bernie's shoulder, making small stroking movements along her back. Elinor clenched her jaw and stood up. “please yourself,” she said, “I'm going upstairs to listen to some music,' and she stomped out of the room.

Serena rolled her eyes and then looked tenderly at Bernie. “Well budge up then Ms Wolfe. It's about time I got a hug from you.”

Bernie obligingly moved and Serena slid down into the spot, She curled her hand around Bernie's head and pulled her in to give her a long, lingering kiss, causing Bernie to moan as she slid her arms around Serena's back, pressing their upper bodies close together. They broke apart slightly, their foreheads still resting against each other, gasping slightly, Serena's face glowing as she whispered, “Sorry..I just...”

“Are you kidding?” said Bernie, I've been wanting to do that ever since I got here. But....elephant in the room? What about Elinor?”

“Forget her for now,” muttered Serena as she pushed Bernie against the back of the sofa, pressing her soft lips to Bernie's again, but this time she slid her tongue against her teeth, nibbling at her bottom lip until Bernie surrendered and opened her mouth with a small whimper, allowing Serena to explore every inch, their tongues twisting together in a sensual dance. She could feel Bernie's hand sliding underneath her blouse stroking the warm soft skin of her back. When they pulled apart this time Serena's eyes were twinkling and the smile on her face was as broad as Bernie had ever seen. They continued to place small soft kisses on each others lips and faces when they heard a small cough and whirled round to see Elinor standing there with her coat on, looking partly annoyed and partly envious at what she had witnessed.

“I'm going to stay with Kate tonight,” she said abruptly. “I'm guessing I won't be missed.” And with that she turned and walked away. Bernie was on her feet in an instant, despite Serena saying to let her go, following Elinor out of the front door. She caught up with her at the bottom of the drive.

“Elinor, please wait...just a moment. I didn't get to reply to your comment, just before dinner." Elinor paused, a resigned look on her face.

“I think it's lovely that you care so much about your mom, and that you are desperate not to see her get hurt. I understand that, and I want the same thing as you. But she's old enough to know her own mind and to judge for herself what will make her happy. She's not naïve about ..us. She knows it might be difficult....and hard at times, but I'm as certain as I can be, that it is _me_ that can make her happy. And I promise you, I will never knowingly hurt her, ever.” And Bernie stretched out her hand for Elinor to take.

“Wow, that's quite a little speech,” said Elinor, but her voice was softer than it had been. “Almost sounds like you're declaring your love for her..”

Bernie lowered her eyes for a moment, before replying. “It does rather, doesn't it? She raised her head again. “But that's a conversation that we still haven't had, and we won't have, until I think she's ready to hear it. So that's some very privileged information I've entrusted to you, please guard it well.”

Elinor looked carefully at Bernie and she stretched out her hand to meet Bernie's. “I'm still going to keep a very close eye on you though, so don't think it'll all be plain sailing from now on.”

“I wouldn't expect anything less.” said Bernie with a small smile, and she released Elinor's hand. “See you soon, I hope.” Elinor nodded and turned, glancing back to the house where she saw her mother looking out of the window. She gave her a small wave and then disappeared from view as Bernie returned to the house, closing the front door behind her.

Serena appeared at the door to the lounge, with an eyebrow arched. “Well, what was that all about?”

Bernie smiled. “Just needed to finish a conversation we started before dinner.”

“Looked as if you might be friends now.” Bernie tipped her head to one side, “Maybe that's a little bit of an overstatement at this time, but, I think we've managed to come to an understanding, for now.”

Serena crossed the hall to where Bernie was still leaning against the front door and kissed her firmly, pushing the whole of her body up against Bernie. As their lips parted she murmured, very close to Bernie's ear. “Now we have the house to ourselves, there's quite a lot of unfinished business that needs to be sorted out, in my bedroom.” Bernie wrapped her arms around Serena and spun them around so that Serena was now pressed against the front door. She kissed all along Serena's jaw and down her neck, soft sloppy kisses that caused Serena to tremble. Bernie pushed her leg in-between Serena's and used her slight height advantage to push upwards until Serena was balanced across her upper leg with just her toes still in contact with the floor, and started to rock back and forth, forcing Serena's sex to rub along her thigh. She stared deep into Serena's eyes as she did, and was gratified to see them darken with desire, and to hear the whimpers that she couldn't contain.

“So, Ms Campbell, do you think you're ready for bed yet?” asked Bernie, flirtatiously, as she released her hold and took a step back.

Serena swallowed noisily. “God, yes!” she said hoarsely, and she grabbed Bernie's hand and positively ran up the stairs, dragging Bernie behind her. They arrived in the bedroom gasping and laughing as Bernie pulled her into another searing kiss. Serena pushed her away for a second and whispered “Curtains” before she walked to the window, while Bernie switched on the bedside lamp. There was no nervousness this time, and now they were in the bedroom their immediate urgency lessened as they looked at one another, their hands trailing up and down each others bodies as they started to undress. When they were both just in their bras and pants they gravitated back to each other, arms entwined around their backs, pulling them as close as they could be, soft skin against soft skin, constantly kissing and pulling at each others lips until they tingled with desire. Almost at the same time bras were undone and they pulled apart just enough to let them slide down their arms and onto the floor, before they pressed together again, both moaning at the feeling of their nipples occasionally rubbing against each other sending what felt like an electrical current directly between their legs. Serena felt Bernie's hands slide down her back, and fingers eased their way under the elastic of her pants to first firmly cup and then dig into her backside. Serena groaned with ecstasy and she just managed to growl the word “Off” before Bernie eased her back onto the bed and dragged her pants down and then repeated the action on herself so that they were now completely naked, their bodies once more entwined. Bernie's knee came up in-between Serena's again, and as she pushed hard against her, she felt her lips part and her arousal was making Bernie's leg very wet. Serena's hands slipped from around Bernie and fell to her sides grabbing hold of the duvet they were lying on as her body arched upwards from the intense pleasure she felt as Bernie's thigh continued to apply a steady pressure. Then suddenly it was gone as Bernie pulled upwards and slightly away from Serena's body. Serena's eyes flew open in alarm as she stared wildly at Bernie. “No....please, don't stop...please,” she pleaded. “Shhh” whispered Bernie as she gently resumed kissing Serena, her lips, her neck, down over the swell of those glorious breasts, licking each nipple gently, before sloppily kissing them, sucking gently and flicking each tip with her tongue. Serena watched her, mesmerised at the sight of her nipples disappearing into Bernie's mouth before being released, glistening with saliva, puckering as the cold air hit them after being cocooned in the warmth. Bernie stayed there for a while, gently, reverently teasing them until they were rock hard, causing an overwhelming reaction between Serena's legs every time she dragged her tongue across the now oversensitive nubbins.

Bernie carried on down Serena's body, still kissing and licking, first the underside of her breasts where perspiration was already gathering, down to her waist where she kissed her belly button, her tongue tickling just inside and Serena felt her whole body suffuse with heat as if it was on fire. She could feel her desire trickle down her upper thighs and she almost sobbed with the surfeit of feelings that were coursing through her. Bernie kissed down her stomach until she reached the dark brown curls at the apex of her thighs. Serena's eyes were still firmly fixed on Bernie even though occasionally she seemed to go slightly out of focus as a fresh new throb of desire overwhelmed her. Bernie paused and looked at Serena questioningly. “Is this okay?” she murmured her lips pressed against the soft skin of her belly. Serena whispered ”Yes” as she willingly parted her legs.

Bernie pushed her fingers through the curls and gently eased the lips of her labia apart exposing the wetness that was coating everything, and she saw her clitoris, swollen and pulsing. She knew that Serena would come very quickly once she touched it so she moved her head to the side and kissed her inner thighs sucking hard enough in more than one place to leave a mark, wanting Serena to see them the next morning and remember this moment.

She moved her mouth back over her turgid clit and breathed the word “Ready?” over it, her eyes fixed on Serena face, and Serena fluttered her eyes in agreement, having no breath to speak. She pushed her legs a little more apart and pulled her folds as far apart as she could before she closed her mouth around that bundle of nerves and sucked gently at first , gradually increasing the pressure and brought her tongue to stroke up and down teasing the very tip with featherlight touches. Serena's whole body arched off the bed as her whole being existed in that one small area, her legs stiffening and her arms flailing as she grabbed for Bernie's head. She clutched at that soft golden halo of hair as Bernie pressed down with her tongue and drew circles around and around sucking and then pressing as hard as she could and Serena bucked upwards and wailed as she came, flooding around Bernie's fingers as they held her open. Bernie moved her mouth away and gently inserted 2 fingers into the warm wet opening, still feeling the walls spasming with the force of the orgasm as she stroked in and out gently in rhythm with the pulsing. She moved slowly up the bed to where she could look down on Serena's face, her whole upper body glowing a deep pink, a sheen of perspiration making her skin feel slick. As she felt the contractions around her fingers fade she eased her fingers out and leant over her, so softly kissing her lips. Serena made a small moaning noise but had still to open her eyes, so Bernie stroked her hair away from her face and place little butterfly kisses on each eyelid. Slowly Serena seemed to resurface and her eyes fluttered open for a second before closing again, another soft moan escaping from her lips.

“Hey beautiful,” whispered Bernie into her ear, “you okay?”, and she nudged the side of her face with her nose.

“Hmmm,” moaned Serena, “define okay.” Bernie gave a low chuckle. “Well all I really wanted to know was whether you were still alive, but I guess I have the answer to that now.”

Serena made a huge effort to open her eyes to look at Bernie. “Define alive.”

She took a ragged breath and managed to move an arm to pull Bernie's head down so that she could kiss her briefly before her arm fell back onto the bed.

“Seriously Bernie” she mumbled, “I think I blacked out for a second then. I mean...before when we....was fabulous, but that...that was oh...so....much more.” She tried to turn on to her side to look at her but between her legs was still so sensitive that the smallest movement was almost too much.

“Bernie, I can't, I don't think I can help you get any relief at the moment....I'm sorry.”

Bernie stroked her face gently, “That's okay” she said softly, “but I shall have to do something as I'm so turned on from watching you fall apart, I don't think I could sleep without some 'relief'. Would you mind?”

Serena shook her head, “Can I watch you?” she asked tentatively. Bernie smiled seductively. “I'm counting on it.” She pushed herself upright and straddled Serena, a leg either side of her waist. “Can you stand that? It's not too much for you?” Serena shook her head and rested one of her hands against Bernie's thigh, fluttering her fingers against the skin. Bernie sighed deeply and brought both of her hands up to her breasts stroking her fingers across her nipples causing her to shudder, and then grasped them between her fingers and thumbs, rolling and pulling with some force, and Serena watched in awe as they hardened and reddened under Bernie's fingers. Bernie was groaning now and Serena could feel the wetness from her sex dripping onto her. Bernie released her hold on her right nipple and took her hand down between her legs stroking the length of her soft folds before pulling her fingers away momentarily, and raising herself up slightly onto her knees, she pushed 2 fingers inside herself, whimpering as they entered and she sank down onto them. As she rose again she inserted a third finger and Serena's eyes opened wide as she observed Bernie rising and falling onto her own fingers, seeing them glistening with her juices as she rose and then watching them disappear again a second later. Bernie started to speed up as she approached her climax, her other hand still pulling almost viciously at her nipple. Serena's own hand started to creep up Bernie's thigh and eventually met the wet glistening curls surrounding Bernie's sex. As Bernie sank down the next time Serena pushed her fingers towards her clit and as she felt that contact Bernie's eyes flew open. “Oh...oh...Serena” she gasped and her back stiffened and she started to shake. Serena kept her hand in place, trying to flutter her fingers against the nub and with a judder and a high pitched groan, Bernie came, her hand relinquishing her breast to move forward onto the bed to help support herself as she fell forwards, panting. She pulled her fingers from where they were buried inside her and collapsed sideways onto the bed.

She finally opened her eyes to see Serena gazing at her, her mouth open, and breathing nearly as deeply as Bernie herself. Bernie gave an embarrassed smile and tucked her head into Serena's neck.

“I've...never...done that..in front of anyone..before” she whispered. Serena managed to turn sideways too, dislodging her head so that she could look at her properly.

“That was...you are so....” and she moved closer and pressed her lips to Bernie's. “I can't..... I have to tell you something..now.” She brought her hand up and cupped Bernie's face. “I don't want to scare you, or pressure you, but... I love you, Berenice Griselda Wolfe.” and she kissed her again even more tenderly. She looked nervously at Bernie, just in time to see a small tear fall from the corner of her eye. “Bernie....?”

“Oh Serena,” Bernie sighed. “I've loved you from the moment we first kissed.”

They both started to smile and cry at the same time, and they pulled themselves into each others arms and curled up together, each holding tightly to the most important person in their world.

 

 


	14. Christmas

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A lot more sentimental than I thought it would be, but mainly smut.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is a little late for Christmas, but not too late I hope. Final chapter. Fingers crossed the New Year will give me fresh ideas, especially with Serena's return in February.

 

Chapter 14

 

Christmas

 

 

Christmas Eve did not turn out exactly how Serena had planned. As it had fallen on a Sunday this year, it meant that Bernie would not be at work, and she'd thought that they could have perhaps done a _little_ last minute shopping, but mainly would have enjoyed some relaxation time before Jason and Elinor arrived on Christmas Day morning. But the closest hospital to Holby, St James decided to call a Black Alert, which meant that they would be closed to emergency admissions for the foreseeable future. This inevitably resulted in Holby having to take the overflow, so all available nurses and doctors were asked to report for duty. In theory Serena didn't _have_ to go, but she knew what a tremendous strain this situation would put on everyone and she wanted to support her staff and the patients. Also, at the back of her mind was that before too long she did want to return to full time employment, and the board would hopefully appreciate this sort of effort. Bernie had been very supportive and understanding, even insisting on coming over to drive her into work, so that if she wanted to share in Christmas drinks later, at the end of her shift, she could do so without having to worry about driving back. Serena was immensely grateful, and invited Bernie to come and join them at Albies later, so that they could have the whole of Christmas Eve night and Christmas morning to themselves before Jason and Elinor arrived around lunchtime. (Elinor had elected to spend Christmas Eve with her father and his new wife Liberty, which had frustrated Serena at the time, but was now quietly pleased at how things had turned out!)

Bernie pulled into Serena's parking space at the hospital at 10.00am. She undid her seatbelt and turned towards Serena. “So, let me know when you're due to finish, and I'll come and meet you in the bar. Will it be alright if I park my car in this space, rather than spend ages searching for a space on the street?”

“Of course, although I'll have to remember to warn security, so that they don't have your car clamped or towed!” Serena grinned at Bernie's shocked look, and squeezed her arm. “Don't worry, I won't forget. But just scribble your registration number on a scrap of paper for me so that I can hand it to them on the way in.”

Bernie did, and then asked if there was any last minute shopping she could get for her.

Serena chuckled. “Now I know you love me, offering to do one of your least favourite pastimes for me.” She turned to Bernie and gave her a fond look. “My fridge is full to bursting, and there's not a lot of room in the freezer either. We could get snowed in for a week and still be able to eat drink, drink and be merry for every minute of every day. Although to be honest, if you're there, I don't think I'd have much appetite for anything else...”

Serena put her hand up to Bernie's face and stroked it gently, before slipping it behind her head, pulling her forwards so that she could could place a soft kiss on her lips. An action that did not go unnoticed by Morven and Fletcher who were also just arriving for an extra shift.

“Aye, aye,” said Fletcher, cheekily, “looks as though somebody's well on their way to a very Happy Christmas.”

Morven batted him on the arm. “For goodness sake Fletch, get a move on before they spot us. I for one do not want to get on the wrong side of Ms Campbell today.”

A couple of minutes later, Serena reluctantly got out of the car, smiled at Bernie, yet again, and then headed into the hospital. Meanwhile Bernie, still grinning from their kisses, turned the car around and headed towards town for her usual last minute present buying. Even though she had already purchased Serena's main present, which happened to be the necklace she had so admired on their date at the Christmas Market, she still had a couple of items she wanted to add to it, because making Serena happy was all she currently cared about.

By the time 6.00pm came round, most of the AAU staff were exhausted. The ED and their ward had born the brunt of the extra workload due to the Black Alert. Fortunately, St James' had now re-opened to emergency admissions, so that those who had been working extra or double shifts were now free to go home. However, as Serena had expected, the majority of those finishing were heading over to the bar to have one last drink with their work colleagues before Christmas Day. Some of those who were working tomorrow still decided to go, as they all wanted a brief respite from what had been a stressful few hours, and a chance to unwind before returning to their families.

Serena had already settled into her favourite seat in the corner, when the door opened and a slightly windswept Bernie crossed the threshold looking around anxiously until she spied Serena waving to her to come over. She made her way through the crowded bar, smiling at a few faces that she recognised from the last time she had been there, (though putting a name to them all, was a little more difficult) and perched on the side of Serena's chair and reached for her hand. Serena grasped Bernie's hand eagerly and smiled, her thumb gently stroking across her knuckles.

“Hey you,” said Bernie, how are you feeling?”

“A lot better for seeing you. I promise we won't stay long, just for one drink. I've still got some food preparation to do.”

Ric, who was co-lead on AAU until Serena returned to full time working, stood up at this point and offered Bernie his seat. She gently refused. “I'm sure that you need it far more than me after a day like today, and I have been assured,” she said, with a twinkle in her eye, “that we're only staying for one drink”

Ric roared with laughter as he looked at Serena. “Are you sure you haven't cast some sort of spell on her, I'm seem to remember _you_ ,” he said, looking pointedly at Serena, “not so long ago telling me that you never saw the point of just one!”

Serena frowned as everyone, (including Bernie) had a chuckle over this statement. Probably because of this exchange, just 30 minutes, and one glass of Shiraz later, Serena patted Bernie's leg and said she was ready to leave. They had both stood up, saying goodbye, and wishing everyone a Merry Christmas, when they heard a cough from behind them. Serena turned to see Nurse Fletcher, standing on a chair holding a sprig of mistletoe over their heads.

“Right ladies, Morven and I were privy to your kiss in the car this morning, (Serena caught Morven's eye, who had the grace to blush), but I think that the rest of the staff need to know that Ms Campbell, vascular surgeon extraordinaire, is definitely, irrevocably, off the dating scene. You can't dismiss the mistletoe.... over to you, ladies.”

Bernie had long since turned a deep shade of pink, but Serena pulled her close. “Come on,” she whispered, “let's show them what they're missing,” and she tilted her head back so that Bernie could capture her lips in a gentle kiss. There were a couple of 'whoops' and a small cheer from the AAU crowd, which fell silent as they continued to kiss, their arms wrapped around each other, seemingly oblivious to the fact they were in the middle of a busy bar. As they broke apart, smiling sheepishly, there was another small cheer. “Blimey,” said Fletch, who had climbed down from the chair and had tossed the mistletoe to one side, “if that's what being 50+ does for you.....bring it on!”

Ric glared and gave him a hard dig in the ribs, as Bernie and Serena left holding hands. “You are quite dense sometimes Nurse Fletcher, it's nothing to do with age, but it's everything to do with love.”

When Serena and Bernie arrived at Serena's home, they quickly finished wrapping one or two more gifts, and did some preparation for the Christmas dinner tomorrow. That is to say Serena did the preparation and Bernie watched her and then washed up afterwards. They finally both sank onto the sofa in the lounge with another glass of Shiraz for Serena and a small malt whisky for Bernie. Serena put on a recording of Kings College Choir, Cambridge singing Christmas carols, and they snuggled up together feeling perfectly content, happy to relax in each others arms. Serena's eyelids gradually started to droop, but she jerked awake as she felt Bernie remove the wine glass from her hands. “Hey!” she mumbled, “That's mine!”

“Serena,” said Bernie patiently, “ There was nothing left, and I think you need to go to bed.”

Serena's eyes flew open, a spark of life suddenly appearing in their depths, and she smiled seductively. “Well, if you put it like that.....”

“No, Serena, no! Much as I know we would both enjoy _that_ sort of conversation, you in particular need to get a good night's sleep. You'll regret it tomorrow if you don't. Come on Ms Campbell, get up those stairs..now!”

“Spoilsport” she muttered, even though she knew Bernie was right, she _was_ exhausted. “But I do enjoy it when you take control.” Serena allowed herself to be pulled upright and snaked an arm around Bernie's shoulders to bring her face close to hers. “I promise you that there are very few people that I allow to dictate to me.” and she placed a big wet sloppy kiss on Bernie's lips.

“I find that very easy to believe.” said Bernie, storing that piece of information away for another time as she led Serena up to the bedroom.

It was still 45 minutes before Bernie managed to join Serena in the bed and she was certain that she was already asleep, but as she slid under the duvet, a very drowsy voice said, “Cuddle me?”

“Gladly” replied Bernie and she shuffled closer to Serena and spooned her, draping her arm around her waist and deposited a kiss on Serena's neck as she did.

“Mmm, that's nice. Are you sure you just want to go to sleep?”

“I'm sure,” said Bernie. “You'll thank me in the morning.”

“Okay,” said Serena, “hopefully it'll be early enough for me to thank you properly.”

Bernie gave a low chuckle. “Ms Campbell, you are so wicked...... it's no wonder that I love you.” And she curled her head against Serena's back giving her one more soft kiss.

“Love you too..”

 

Bernie woke first on Christmas Day. She wasn't such a sound sleeper as Serena, her nights usually passed in a series of naps, with differing amounts of time spent awake in-between them. When she was at home on her own she often lay awake for over an hour before she could get back to sleep, but whenever she spent her nights with Serena, the mere presence of her in the same bed, calmed and relaxed her, helping her back into slumber. But this morning she found she didn't want to go back to sleep, and instead she propped herself up on one arm and gazed down on her love.

Bernie throat constricted.....her love, who had made such a huge difference to her life in such a short time. The days when she awoke to the sight of the woman lying next to her brought her a joy that she never remembered feeling before. Even those nights that were spent apart (which weren't many, and getting fewer) couldn't suppress the new zest she had for life, for experiencing ordinary things in a new way. The pain and hurt she still felt at the rejection of her father to her sexual orientation, had muted because of this extraordinary woman. She considered that she must have done something right in her life to be rewarded by loving and being loved like this. And as she looked fondly down on her she felt an ache so strong in her chest that she wondered if anyone had ever died from loving someone too much. Unable to resist any longer she gradually lowered herself to place a gentle kiss into the sleep-tousled hair, and then slid carefully down to place another just behind her ear. Serena stirred slightly and rolled onto her back just as Bernie kissed her again, this time capturing the corner of her mouth. She pulled slowly away and lay down next to her as Serena gave a small groan.

“In spite of what I said last night, you'd better have a very good reason for waking me at this ungodly hour, even if it was with a kiss. What time is it, anyway”

Bernie cleared her throat. “Sorry, ahem, it's about 5.30am...but it's okay, we don't need to get up now, you can go back to sleep.”

Serena sighed. “Bloody hell Bernie. I know it's Christmas Day but once Elinor was 12 she never woke me up before 7.00am.”

“Sorry” said Bernie in a small voice, “ you just looked so beautiful I couldn't stop myself from kissing you.” She buried her head into Serena's neck and threw her arm across her stomach. “I was just going to lie down again too, let's snuggle together....please?”

About 15 minutes later Serena realised that Bernie's breathing had slowed right down, and that she had indeed gone back to sleep.

'Great, she wakes me up and then goes back to sleep, leaving me thinking about how I've got to get up in an hour to start Christmas dinner!' Serena now had so many thoughts whirling around her head she knew there was no way she was going back to sleep. Bernie made a few small whimpering noises as she shifted slightly, which allowed Serena to turn her head to look at her. She smiled indulgently at her, thinking how like a little puppy she was at times. In spite of them being the same age, Bernie always seemed to have so much more enthusiasm for...well, living, than she did. That was possibly due to the nature of her work of course, working on AAU meant that there was often a higher than average chance that she would be breaking bad news to some relative or other on an almost daily basis. But Bernie, she restored her faith in people, in their resilience. Lord knows, she and her mother had often had very vocal differences which led to some bitter words being exchanged, but she always had known that when push came to shove and in times of trouble, she would have been there for her. So how had Bernie managed to stay so positive when her own parents, (at least her father) had disowned her over what partner she chose to have. She smiled. That was her now....a partner....her partner. Her breathing hitched as she continued to gaze at that beautiful, nay, exquisite face. She could never stay mad at her for long, one look or smile from her and the joy and happiness that she felt overwhelmed her, making her feel giddy. She vowed there and then that whatever arguments and disagreements they had in their lives (Serena was not so in love or so naive as to imagine that their lives would be perfect) that she would tell her everyday how much she was loved and that she would always be there for her, she would be her rock. She didn't want someone who would agree with her about everything, or pretend to. She wanted both the highs and lows that being in a relationship entailed, and as she stared at her she felt herself falling even more deeply in love..if that were possible. That mouth, so pretty and soft, those eyes that you could drown in when they fixed themselves on you, and her body, so toned, so strong, so sensual. Yet she seemed totally oblivious to the magic she could weave,

Since her mother's death, Serena had found it difficult to find many blessings in her life, but in the space of 2 – 3 months she had found more blessings than she could wish for, and they mainly resided in this gentle soul resting beside her.

She was so lost in thought that when the alarm did go off at 6.30am it startled her just as much as Bernie.

“Were you staring again?” murmured Bernie as she opened her eyes to meet Serena's

“Might have been,” said Serena, blushing slightly, “but it's your fault, you wake me up with kisses, and then go back to sleep, leaving me wide awake, so what else could I do..... but look at you”

“ Oh god, I'm sorry. Going back to sleep isn't usually a problem for you. Am I forgiven?” Bernie fluttered her eyelashes at Serena, making her smile. “I'll make it up to you, I promise. Do you want me to help you in the kitchen now?”

No thank you, I'd probably just get frustrated and have to keep moving you out of the way. You know I'm not great at delegation. I be as quick as I can, I've only got to put the ham in the oven, and then I've got a couple of hours before the turkey needs to go in. We'll have time for another cuddle before we have to shower and dress.

“Okay,” said Bernie, an idea already starting to form in her mind. “I can live with that.”

As soon as Serena went downstairs, Bernie nipped along the landing to the family bathroom which had a shower over the bath, and was often the one that she used when they both had to get ready for work in the morning. She switched on the towel warmer and put 2 fluffy towels ready on it. She then scooted back to the bedroom to retrieve two candles from the dressing table, and her lighter out of her handbag. One final dash to the bathroom to put the candles on the window ledge, and light them, and turn the shower on ready, and she closed the door and got back to the bedroom and back into bed just before Serena came back upstairs. When she opened the door and saw Bernie lying down in bed and apparently fast asleep again, Serena was a little bit miffed. “Humph,” she muttered, “the least she could have done was stay awake so we could have had some fun.”

Bernie immediately sat up and looked at Serena. “Oh, I think you'll find fun is exactly what I had in mind Ms Campbell.” As Serena rushed towards the bed, Bernie held up her hand. “Stop right there! This is not where the fun will be.” Bernie got out of bed and walked towards Serena. “I seem to be having trouble removing my night attire, do you think you could help?”

Serena stretched out her arms to help Bernie take off her oversized t-shirt and Bernie caught hold of her wrist before saying in a low voice, “But no touching, unless I say so, do you understand Ms Campbell?”

Serena nodded and shakily she pulled the t-shirt over her head, revealing those beautiful breasts. Then she reached out to grasp the top of her silky boxers and started to pull them down over her hips, her fingers just grazing Bernie's thighs on the way. “Careful, Ms Campbell” growled Bernie, and Serena felt a shiver of excitement run down her spine.

“Your turn now,” whispered Bernie, “get naked for me.”

Serena caught her breath, and as she started to pull her pyjama top off over her head, it was all Bernie could do, not to smother her full, glorious breasts with her own hands, but noticed with delight that her nipples were already standing proud as if begging to be touched.

“Now the rest” ordered Bernie and Serena pushed the bottoms down, and then stepped to one side, so that she was now as naked as Bernie.

Bernie walked all around Serena lightly trailing her fingers over her backside making Serena quiver. Standing directly in front of her she leant in as if she was going to kiss her and when their lips were barely touching she breathed into her mouth, saying “Follow me”, and Bernie turned and walked to the door, pausing when she realised that Serena was still standing in the same place.

“You're rather slow today, Ms Campbell, you need to move...now!”

Serena was trembling with anticipation and was so wet already, she feared that walking would make it all too evident. But at Bernie's words she threw her head back and took a deep breath following her along the landing to the bathroom. Bernie opened the door and putting her hand between Serena's shoulder blades, she pushed her inside, and following her in she closed the door.

She bent her head close to Serena's ear. “I think we've waited long enough to shower together, and this is big enough for both of us to..explore each other.Shall we..?” and Bernie, climbing into the bath, held out her hand to Serena. She looked at Bernie's body with water running down it, all of the little rivulets seeming to trickle towards that little triangle of hair at the apex of her thighs and she gasped as a wave of desire flooded over her, making her legs feel weak. She took Bernie's hand and stepped over the edge of the bath to stand next to her, and then their bodies were sliding, crashing together, Bernie pressing her lips to Serena's passionately, before spinning her round to face the shower. Bernie reached past her to get some shower gel on her hands and whispered in her ear “Hold tight Ms Campbell, it's going to be quite a ride,” before planting a soft kiss on the back of her neck. She worked her hands together to create fragrant bubbles and then rubbed them all over Serena's upper body, squeezing and massaging those magnificent breasts, grazing her nails across the tips, causing Serena's legs to buckle slightly.

“Easy tiger” she murmured, “we've barely started.”

Serena threw her head back onto Bernie's shoulder, her eyes closed and her breathing laboured. Bernie quickly leaned forwards to capture her lips in another searing kiss, her hands stroking and massaging her stomach, edging towards the holy of holies. She slid her hand between Serena's legs and then stilled all movement, but not before she had felt how slick with desire she was. Serena parted her legs instinctively, causing Bernie to chuckle.

“In a hurry are we Ms Campbell?” she almost growled, and the sound sent chills up and down Serena's body. Bernie pressed her hand briefly against Serena's folds before removing it completely, but that one touch had been enough to set Serena's clit throbbing, and she whimpered at the loss of pressure. Bernie turned her once more, so that they were now facing each other and they hungrily found each others mouth, parting their lips so that there tongues could twist and turn around each other as they gasped for breath, water tickling down into their mouths. Still kissing, Bernie turned them both once again and pushed Serena's back against the tiles, making her gasp with their coldness. Bernie poured some more shower gel onto her hands and started to rub down Serena's hips pulling her slightly away from the wall so that she could reach round and take a firm grip on her buttocks digging in with her fingers, kneading as she worked her way down to the inside of her thighs, just grazing her sex as she did. Bernie kissed all along Serena's collar bone and Serena wondered how much longer this would continue, her legs feeling as though they might give way at any moment as she struggled to stay in control. Bernie sucked on her ear lobe and then in a very low voice she started to tease Serena. “Is this good, Ms Campbell, do you enjoy my fingers being here,” and she stroked all along her outer labia, without dipping inside, “ and my mouth and tongue pressed here. Are you ready to come, to have your first orgasm on Christmas day?” Serena closed her eyes and arched her back towards Bernie, and she nodded her head. “I didn't hear you,” said Bernie, “you need to use words.”

Serena put her arms up and around Bernie's neck, “Yes,” she said weakly, “yes, I'm ready, please...please, soon.”

Bernie moved her back under the hot shower, and pushed her own leg in-between Serena's thighs. “Legs as far apart as you can manage Ms Campbell” Bernie was still giving Serena orders, which Serena found so erotic she was almost tempted to disobey to see what might happen, but she knew that her orgasm was only minutes away and she didn't want to ruin that sweet moment, so she complied with the request and opened her legs as wide as the bath would allow.

Bernie kissed her softly and and then bent her head to suck first one nipple and then the other into her mouth, sucking as hard as she could before teasing each tip with her tongue. Serena thought she might climax from this alone and the ache between her legs was almost painful. Serena leant against Bernie almost sobbing, “Please, Bernie, please...no more teasing...I need to..”

Bernie gave her a loving smile and lifted Serena's right leg up and around her waist. “It's all for you my darling, all for you.” And she pushed her hand through her folds, feeling properly for the first time how aroused Serena was.She pushed first two and then three fingers gently inside and Serena moaned loudly as she felt her clit begin to throb as Bernie buried her fingers up to her knuckles. Serena's left hand gripped hard onto Bernie's shoulder as the pace of the thrusts increased and she began to pant loudly with tiny high pitched grunts. Bernie curled her fingers slightly seeking the G spot, and started to rub inside applying pressure to that most sensitive spot. Serena started to moan even louder and as Bernie thrust again she slammed her palm right onto Serena's clit grinding away until with a scream Serena came, hanging onto Bernie for dear life her whole body shaking and trembling with the force of it. Her hand still cupping Serena's sex Bernie allowed Serena's leg to slide down her hip until she was back resting her weight on both feet. “I've got you,” Bernie murmured. “I've got you.” and she kissed her head where it was resting on her shoulder.

When Serena opened her eyes she could see the marks she had made with her nails, on Bernie's shoulder and she kissed them gently. “Sorry” she whispered.

After one more rinse under the hot water Bernie turned it off and together they helped each other out of the bath and wrapped themselves in the large fluffy towels before returning to the bedroom.

Serena lay down immediately, still feeling weak and Bernie curled up beside her, trailing her fingers down her arm softly kissing wherever she could, her shoulder, her neck, her face. After a couple of minutes Serena smiled and turned to face Bernie. “Thank you” she said simply, “for one of the best experiences of my life.” She reached across and pulled the towel loose from around Bernie's body. “How....how was it for you? Did you get turned on too?”

Bernie gave her a look, a smirk. “Why don't you find out?”

Serena pulled the towel open and watched Bernie's face as she pushed her hand between her legs, and dragged her fingers through Bernie's sex, immediately aware of how wet she was, and felt her stiffen as she dipped her middle finger ever so slightly inside her. She brought her hand back up to her face and showed Bernie how her finger was glistening. She brought it to her lips, and very slowly, very deliberately she pushed it into her mouth, as Bernie watched her mouth opening, and her tongue licked along her bottom lip. Serena opened her eyes wide as she sucked on her finger. “Oh my god Bernie, you taste so.....good.” She raised herself up on her arm and leaned down over Bernie and kissed her slowly and languorously, hoping that Bernie would still be able to taste herself. She started to move down Bernie's body nibbling and sucking and kissing as she went, noting each time that Bernie whimpered or groaned in pleasure. As she reached her breasts with the delicate pink nipples, Bernie stilled her for a moment as she tugged at Serena's towel, throwing it to the floor, so that she could hold her breasts, rolling her nipples between her fingers and thumbs, as Serena captured her nipples with her mouth, bringing her teeth together and pulling gently until Bernie squealed through both pain and pleasure. She carried on southwards past her hips until she reached the neatly trimmed triangle of curly hair, and she pushed her nose into it, breathing deeply. “You smell divine,” she muttered, “nearly as good as you taste.” She planted a kiss right there and then pulled herself up into a sitting position on the edge of the bed, noticing as she did the faintest look of disappointment flash across Bernie's face. “Come here,” she said and Bernie sat up next to her. “Now stand up, and lean against me.”

Bernie flashed her a small smile, as she stood realising that her sex would now be on a level with Serena's mouth, and she bent her knee to put her one leg on the bed next to her, while placing one of her hands onto Serena's shoulder to balance herself. Serena moved her head between Bernie's thighs, and using both hands she pulled apart her glistening folds to reveal her clit, swollen and soaked with juices. Serena nudged it with her nose as she ran her tongue from back to front along her slit and Bernie groaned in ecstasy as she watched Serena move forwards again, but this time she pushed her tongue inside of her licking gently along the walls of her vagina. Bernie wobbled as a pulse of desire flooded her opening, more juices pouring down towards Serena's face. She moved her tongue out and thrust 2 fingers straight up into Bernie, while her tongue flicked repeatedly against her clit until Serena sucked it into her mouth. Bernie felt herself tighten around Serena's fingers and she gave a high pitched wail as she came, more strongly that she could ever remember doing before, and unable to keep her balance she collapsed down onto Serena's lap, with Serena's fingers still buried inside her. Bernie curled her head into Serena's neck and lay there shaking. She gradually became aware that Serena had resumed pumping her fingers in an out and was amazed to feel her body start to respond again. Her lips parted and she started to pant as she felt a fluttering starting in her stomach and her legs started to stiffen. She started to push herself up and down meeting each thrust of Serena's fingers, and as Serena felt her tighten once again she pressed her thumb hard against her clit, roughly rubbing it from side to side until Bernie gave a strangled cry as she climaxed for a second time, gushing all over Serena's hand and thighs.

Her limp body rested against Serena who was stroking her face and hair.

“You alright my love?” asked Serena, quietly.

“Hmmm” hummed Bernie “I'm fine...just a little giddy and very wobbly.”

She lay back down on the bed, her head on the pillow, and Serena stood up and helped her put legs up onto the bed, before walking round to lie down next to her. When Bernie looked at her face she could see a tear or two collecting in the corner of her eye. Bernie brought her hand up to wipe them away, asking if she was okay. Serena nodded. 'Just trying to imagine how I'd cope if you weren't part of my life anymore, and.....I, I don't think I could, I really don't” Serena's breathing faltered at the thought of this possibility.

Bernie pulled Serena close so that they were lying skin to skin and kissed her before replying.

“Oh, Serena, I could no more think of leaving you than I could stop myself breathing. You are the reason I wake every morning with a smile on my face. Even on those days I don't see you, I feel you...here.” And she took one of Serena's hands and placed it over her heart.

“I've told you...I love you Serena and I can't imagine anything that would change that. Your face and body are etched into my brain, you've become a part of me.”

And Bernie gathered her into her arms and they lay there, their foreheads touching, a gentle almost reverent smile on their lips.

They both knew that vows of never hurting each other, of protecting each other from harm, from the world, were promises they may not be able to keep, but right there, right then they meant every word of it. And they would meet every challenge that life chose to throw at them the way they were supposed to....together.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you to each and everyone of you who read this story, especially if you stuck it out to the end. And special thanks to those who left kudos and comments. You are the 'creme de la creme"

**Author's Note:**

> This is a bit different to my first work (The Two Doctors) and I'm pretty sure won't be as long, but it's an idea I had and having worked in libraries myself, I feel more comfortable with the setting.  
> There will be references to specific books that I have read, and I will try to remember to post details of the books in case anyone wishes to try them for themselves. Hopefully they will be available in a library near you....  
> And for those of you who don't think libraries are your thing, please, go along to your local one, you'd be amazed at what they have to offer these days. If we don't use them, we lose them!  
> Hope you enjoy......


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